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Admitting Defeat

(7 Posts)
Helga80 Wed 10-Sep-08 08:54:18

I've got a doctors appointment this afternoon and plan to try and get signe doff work. Feeling like I'm cheating the system somehow and should just pull myself together.

Had a shitty 12 months and can't do it any more, dad diagnosed with terminal cancer last year, had to bring wedding forward 18 months to May so he could be there, dad died four days after the wedding. Hadn't even got use to being a wife before I had to go straight into organising the funeral and dealing with probate etc. (mum fell apart).

I work in a stresseful environment, suffering with severe staffing shortages, people off sick, vacant posts. Had endless conversation with my boss and tried to find ways to deal with the situation, he's tried to help but seems to be burying his head in the sand and hoping everything will return to normal.

Am crying all the time, can't sleep, snapping at colleagues and having nightmares about dad dying - was with him for last hour, he fought and it was horrible to watch.

Can't get more than a week off work but that won't make any difference as work will just build up.

Feel like fraud as dealing okay with rest of life, going weightwatchers and loosing weight, still doing hobbies and going out with DH but work just sends me over the edge - would be fine if I could just go in a do stuff but my job is all about dealing with otehr peoples problems and can't cope.

Very long ramble - guess I just someone to tell me that it's not cheating to admit defeat.

Alambil Wed 10-Sep-08 09:29:38

It's not even admitting defeat; people can only take so much!

You've had a horrific year, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad You need to give yourself space to grieve, to think, to just be - without stresses of work, family or whatever...

Work sounds rather mad too - not conducive to good mental health when you're already down

You aren't cheating.

You aren't defeated.

You're protecting and caring for yourself.

NotBigNotClever Wed 10-Sep-08 09:30:30

What I think: you need some time out and TLC. If you can, get signed off work and get some counselling and some rest. See it as an investment: if you soldier on now, you are heading for a big crash. If you get the help you need now, you'll be much bigger asset to your workplace than if you carry on as you are until you reach breaking point.

ps: I didn't take the time out I badly needed 3 years ago and tried to be superwoman instead. It wasn't my cleverest move.

ladystardust Wed 10-Sep-08 09:32:40

Cheating? NO!!
It's understanding where your limitations are and being very clear, it seems to me, about the difficulties you've had to face and how hard it is to deal with them. Of course it's hard - those are huge things.
We are not failures for asking for help.
Good luck - I hope you get what you need.

Janni Wed 10-Sep-08 09:35:28

You are not cheating, you are not a fraud.
You are so stressed at the moment that you can't picture what having a few days R&R could do for you. Sometimes you really need to take yourself away from a situation to get perspective and think about your future.

You do have options, but at the moment you are too overwrought to really think them through. Take the time off and come and chat on here if you need help to see things more clearly.

Best of luck today xx

Helga80 Thu 11-Sep-08 21:34:25

Sorry I didn't come back sooner and thank you for all the support.

Well, I went to the GP and burst into tears as soon as I walked into her room, something I never do! I explained everything to her the same as in my OP.

She was totally and utterly crap sad and I felt worse when I walked out then I ever did before speaking to her. She spent the whole consultation looking worried and couldn't offer anything fecking helpful.

Her only suggestion was to ask my works occupational health department for counselling, saying that whilst it isn't specific bereavement counselling it should do something to help me.

The only mention of depression was asking if I was suicidal - which I'm not - nothing else.

I explained that the situation at work was very difficult and her attitute was basically 'well you boss should do this and that'. YES MY BOSS FECKING SHOULD BUT HE'S USELESS!!!!

In the end she did admit that maybe I needed a break from work and signed me off for a week - a week off is worse than nothing as it won't give me long enough to get my head straight and my boss won't bother to do anything about my workload so it'll just pile up angry

Am going to go back and see one of the other more helpful GP's that I've dealt with before (I've suffered with depression before and was diagnosed with S.A.D a years back).

Sorry it's so long but I just need to get this all out.

Janni Fri 12-Sep-08 13:28:06

Helga - it's a shame that you had such an unhelpful response from your GP., particularly if it's documented in your medical notes that you have suffered from depression in the past. I think it's a really good idea to try another, more sympathetic doctor.

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