I have gone against myself here...I never name change unless obvious, but this time I have to.....to protect someone else and protect me.
I have a very very good friend who is in a very painful place right now. I have been helping her a lt, being there for her as much as possible, altho I am not the only person there for her I realise that.
yesterday she told me something so painful tho, and it has opened pain in me this time too as it is very close to similar that I have been thro as a child. I know how hard it was for her....and what she is going thro at the moment is so so painful that she too is losing herself.
problem is, this is something I cannot help with, she needs better support than me, I am not that person. I am not the person she needs, and I hate to say it, for this, she needs professional help and help removed from the love and care I feel for her, and I do, I feel for her deeply.
but she has triggered someting in me.something I have worked so so so hard to deal with, and something my best and closest friends no about, and also, some of which I have spoken about on here as I am not actually ashamed of what I have been thro. EVERYTHING I have been thro in my past has happened (often extrordinarily shittily I admit), for a reason. I often say that we may not kn ow the reason for that shit for years, but it happens, and it makes us who we are. I may be spouting shit there myself, but it is a belief that helps me and one I stick to.
but I am me, I like me, and I have a DH and children who love me and need me whole.......and right now I am on the edge of whole.
I am shaking here.
I have had such an awful night of dreams, actually trying to chop me up so I can put me back in a 'perfect' way......as I am not feeling much of myself right now.
I have let down my friend, but I cannot be there for her right now, I need distance, but how can I do that.....that will not help her.
and how can I help me without losing me, I have worked so damn hard all these years with my soulmate there with me (DH, even tho he does have his faults).
help, really am losing me here, and I can;t. I simply can't.
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Mental health
please help, am losing myself here.
51 replies
losingmyself · 09/09/2008 07:38
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