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I am waking out on my family in the morning and heartbroken...

(88 Posts)
babyalfie Sun 07-Sep-08 12:22:33

I had to put it down here as cannot cope anymore at all. I am not that depressed but feel in a state.

The situation is... I ahve three children 17, 15 and 8. I broke up with the girls father when they were babies but they still have a fab relationship. The little ones dad is still around and often see him. For the past 2 years though I met a man that I thought I loved, infact I did love and he sold his house on the intention of moving intogtehr. However after about 10 months down theline my son cannot get on with his son and to be honest although I have tried I do not like the boy. H eis 10 and all he want to be is a chav, everthing he likes is different to my values and expectations so we decided to not move intogther. Well to cut a long story short I am pregnant 13 weeks and i have not told any of my family as they would hate it and i mean that as they hate the son and resent my ex. My ex however has started with athritats and is now housebaound and his sister has been to my house saying she is going to screw me for every penny and she knows about the baby... hence I am leaving in the morning. I love my kids so much but have to this. I am going to try and get a termination and find a hostel to live in. I have wrote everything out fro my sons dad as going to let him move in the family house and look after the kids. I also have a poorly daughter but know he will love them and care for them. I ahve wrote all the number etc to contact so everything can be transfered into his name. Does anybody know if I could get the mortgage transfered or not in a short period or am I best just leaving it in my name.

Dont know posting on her to be honest but needed to get it off my had as heartbroken.

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Sep-08 12:24:37


Is this really the only option? YOur chjildren need their mummy sad

babyalfie Sun 07-Sep-08 12:27:30

I am crying as I write this but honestly is the only option.. my son loves me so much and that breaks my heart but I have to leave as cannot face anybody. Thanks for replying... th option is to take an overdose but dont want to do that to them.

smallwhitecat Sun 07-Sep-08 12:30:05

Message withdrawn

edam Sun 07-Sep-08 12:30:10

Oh, I am sorry you are in this hideous situation. Forgive me, but I don't quite understand why you have to leave?

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 07-Sep-08 12:31:10

your family while they may not like what is going on will support you with this. they will not turn their back on you. i can understand you feeling desperate but this is not your only option.

plus how is the sister going to get money out you? if she means to blackmail you tell your family before she does and then she will have no hold over you. alternatvely hav her jaw wired shut and she wont be able to tell anyone wink this can be achieved by punching her very hard in the mouth smile

smallwhitecat Sun 07-Sep-08 12:32:11

Message withdrawn

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Sep-08 12:32:49

If you need to get away from your ex's family and sister could you not leave with your children?

Is there anyone you can talk to in real life? Could you ring the samaritans?

watsthestory Sun 07-Sep-08 12:33:42

Message withdrawn

lulumama Sun 07-Sep-08 12:33:49

there is always another option

you can't get screwed for any money by the ex sil.. she is talking rubbish

you need some independent counselling re the pregnancy and should only terminate if it is what oyu want, and you are not feeling forced into it.

your children need you. you are depressed, if not, you would not be considering either waliing out or an overdose.

see emergceny doctor today

vitomum Sun 07-Sep-08 12:36:38

so very sorry you feel this way.

is it his sister's threats that are the final straw? she sounds very nasty. it is your life not hers and i really don't understamd how she thinks she is a position to 'screw you for every penny'?

you do sound as though you need a break most definitely. Could you put off any more permanent decisions for s hort while at least? apart from anything else, what you are talking about, with mortgages etc would take some organising and you have enough on your plate as it is. a short break initially might be more manageable and you can reassess after that

thumbwitch Sun 07-Sep-08 12:38:42

I am for you in your situation.
But your ex's sister is talking out of her arse. How is she supposed to get money out of you? What for? Did he give you the money from the sale of his house? Have you checked with your DS's dad that he is ok to come and live in your house and look after your kids?

You say you are not that depressed but have commented that this is a better option than OD'ing (which it is of course) - Sounds to me like you are that depressed and need to talk to someone about it before you take this drastic (and probably unnecessary) step. If you are 13 weeks pregnant then your hormones will be clouding your judgement as well.

Go and speak to someone before you decide to do anything - ring the Samaritans or go to CAB or your GP in the morning.

Good luck!

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Sep-08 12:39:36

as lulumama says, your ex sil is talking rubbish. You can get help if she is threatening you.

Could you not just have a temporary break while your DS's dad looks after the children for a while? Just to sort yourself out?

masalachameleon Sun 07-Sep-08 12:41:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chapstickchick Sun 07-Sep-08 12:43:36

i dont think walking away will give you the peace you crave,in fact i think walking away will add to your sadness.

i think you have been stretched and pulled in so many different ways emotionally that even you dont know how you feel.

before you make that tortured decision to walk away look at what you have -all together its a huge mountain but broken down into steps you can face them.

**13 weeks pregnant is almost a third of the way there ,that has to be your priority.

**your other children as much as they love their dad hve to be next

** your relationship with your ex -is it on is it off,sort that out.

**his son and your sil need to be way at the bottom they arent really your problem your sil probably has her own issues.

what seems a terrible insurmountable task can be faced, you can do it,if you were so positive walking out was the best way to go youd have done it,instead youve involved us lot at mumsnet- together we are strong there is women here who have faced such tradgedy and turmoil and together we can help you face it.

babyalfie Sun 07-Sep-08 12:54:48

they have told me they are going to a soliciter in the morning to see what they can get out of me... I have nothing to give not even a penny as broke as my daughter is very ill and has been very demanding for the past 18 mths also so that has added to everything also. MY CHILDREN have lived with me on their own for most of their lives so we are very very close. I have to do it and will. I do want the bbay but my children wont ike it but a termination would break me as well.. but perhaps this would be the easy way out. I am scared of having to sell the house as my partner has put into it 30k about as my full intention was for us to live togther etc wa this time last year...
i feel betrayed also by my ex partner telling his sister by the baby, Heis however a lovely man and would not hurt anybody at all and this is why i think she is doing it for him. he has given her all his bank statements to go through beleive it or not and she is going through everything she also said they may have to rip the kitchen out and re sell.. I cannot face all this honestly.

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Sep-08 13:02:16

babyalfie they are not entitled to any money out of you so the solicitor will probably just laugh at them (unless I have misunderstood your post but I can't see how they would be entitled to anything?)

lulumama Sun 07-Sep-08 13:06:47

get your own legal advice via CAB and fight this, this is wrong.

Jux Sun 07-Sep-08 13:10:25

It seems really unlikely taht your xSIL can do this. I would at least wait until you hear from her, or contact a solicitor yourself. Also, talk to your children's father about it. You could also talk to your ex-partner - he may not approve of his sis doing this at all. You say he's a lovely man; he could put a stop to her straight away.

naturalblonde Sun 07-Sep-08 13:12:37

Please don't leave. Your children need you, please call the samaritans and CAB, someone will be able to advise you.

singingmum Sun 07-Sep-08 13:12:50

They cannot get the money from you in the way they are making it seem.As you are pg with his child he has a responsibility to keep that child safe surely.Before walking away first decide wether or not you really want to terminate or if your doing it for everyone else.Only do this if your sure you can handle it(by the sounds of things you aren't handling it well)Also look at seeing a solicitor yourself.I believe that they may be able to ask for a court to set up a repayment plan but cannot remove kitchen as is an essential and you cannot be left without it.They sound like a horrible pair in reality but don't leave your dc's because of them espec if one is v.sick.
You say you're not depressed but you are to feel this threatened and to feel like your options are only to leave or die shows that you def are.Please seek help from a friend family member or medical proffesional

pellmell Sun 07-Sep-08 13:14:38

do you mean that your ex's family think you have ripped him off?
He sold his house moved in with you, installed a new kitchen etc etc
Now you have both agreed that in the interest of the children (as they don't get on) you have both agreed not to live together.
Is he now out of pocket and they are blaming you for doing this to him ?????

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Sep-08 13:16:36

Are they threatening you?

Soapbox Sun 07-Sep-08 13:19:39

Assuming that the house is in your name, then any ripping out of kitchens or even forced entry would be criminal damage.

Keep calm, tell his sis by all means to take legal advice, that it is his right to do so, but that you will do the same also.

The fact that there is a child involved (assuming you don't terminate) means that he will have to make some contribution to the child's upkeep, so tell her that you will also seek advice from your solicitor as to how this will work out.

Just keep calm and don't rise to the bait! Don't make a drama out of all of this - even if you are inclined that way.

I would give the same advice to telling your children about the baby. Calmly tell them the facts, that it isn't open for their comment and that you intend to keep it and hope that in time they come to love the baby in the same way that you will.

I can't see why there is any need for all of this dramatics and leaving home mylarky. What is there to be so stressy about?

babyalfie Sun 07-Sep-08 13:20:57

she is doing it for him and if i was in this situation then I would do as well. he sold sold his house and put the money into mine to make an extra room for his son. I feel a bit better for a cry but still determind to carry through my actions.. how do i find anywhere to stay though as have no money until tuesday. I also intend to have my cvs on tuesday in leeds so not going too move too far away until then, The thing is though I do not want to be found my sons dad is a good man and is always around so know he will move in and look after them and with the help of the girls they will get through.. I am a strict parent and have rules and have wrote down rules for my youngest and have asked him to stick to them such as brushing teeth night and day. I may take my car with me as that would mean I would have somewhere to sleep tomorrow night and then could get washed and showered at the services the least but then where would i park it.. gosh i know i am going on but have no idea where to find a lodge or somthing.. i will kiss and hug them all in the morning and tell them how proud i am of them and then will leave a note for each of them explaining i have needed a break. I have left all the number of dla, carers allowance and tax crdits also for him to ring up and change. I will have to payfo rthe car i guess but will get maitenance of my ex paid into my account and i will do an internl transfer into his. I honestly have thought about it and if i have a termination i know i will regret although may have to have one when i get the cvs results back due to may age.

I thanks you so much and honestly know what I am doing i have wrote each child a special note to keep. I amy come back intime who knows but at the monet i know i need some time to be alone and think straight.

I am not sure how I will live.. will i get soem sort of befit or not being on my own? I have nevr had benfits so do not know.

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