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Antisocial Personality Disorder - Anyone have any experience of this?

(8 Posts)
Lightbulbmoment Sun 07-Sep-08 11:05:44

I have posted the following in relationships also but then thought it might be better here.

Just that. Have name changed for this. After years of misery with my controlling, alcohol abusing, uncaring, verbally abusive h I decided to do a search on his characteristics and the Mind website came up with this.

So does anyone have any experience of living with a person like this?

"Antisocial personality disorder (APD)
This is known as 'psychopathy' under the Mental Health Act (MHA) 1983. It is closely linked with adult criminal behaviour, so if you suffer from ASPD you will probably have a criminal record. You may also be a heavy drinker or a drug-user. Boredom is a problem for you and you may find it difficult to hold down a job for long or stay in a long-term relationship. You will tend to act impulsively and recklessly, often without considering the consequences for yourself or for other people. You may do things, even though they may hurt people, to get what you want, putting your needs above theirs. You believe that only the strongest survive and that you must do whatever it takes to lead a successful life, because if you don?t grab opportunities, others will. You may be regarded as being selfish and hard".

This is my H. There should be a picture of him next to this definition on the Mind Website.

I dont know what to do now. I have two dc with this man and I always thought he was like he is because of issues in his childhood. His behaviours are never directed towards the dc, only me, sometimes his siblings and people outside the family. If I showed him this he would laugh because he would recognise himself but he doesnt think he actually does anything wrong but just that I am a nag.

Does anyone have personal experience of this please. I am feeling very shocked but I know I am right about this.

Feature Sun 07-Sep-08 11:07:43

sounds like mine too tbh.

Hope you can get some advice.

Counselling would be good.

Lightbulbmoment Sun 07-Sep-08 11:10:58

Already going to counselling by myself. He would never go.

Hopefully that will help then.

Feature Mon 08-Sep-08 09:18:57

bump for any other advice for OP.

unhappy Tue 09-Sep-08 13:54:23

mine is not quite the description for APD more like your description controlling, uncaring, verbally abusive - really getting me down - what sort of counselling are you having - does it help?

Kammy Wed 10-Sep-08 16:37:12

Lightbulb, sorry you are feeling so shocked.
I have some experience of working with people with personality disorder, although I am in no way an expert.

Personality Disorders are often poorly understood and there is a lot of conflicting research and differing ideas.Some psychologists describe personality disorders as psychosocial disorders caused mainly by adverse developmental experiences,so issues in your H's childhood may well have affected him. Difficulties in interpersonal relationships are a common feature of personality disorders.

There are psychological therapies that can help, but these rely on the person having motivation to take up therapy - have a look at the Rethink website.

In the meantime, think about support for yourself - talk to your GP about what is available, or get info from your local mental health services or MIND.

Sorry not to have been much practical help.

Lightbulbmoment Wed 10-Sep-08 21:49:50

Unhappy, only just started the counselling tbh but have found it extremely helpful in the past and know I will again. Just being able to talk to someone in a sympathetic environment makes such a difference. Teaches you things like changing your own reactions to the abusive persons behaviour so you can deal with it better.

I have found MN so helpful as well. I think that when your partner or family member is as you and I describe, no matter how much you think you wont you do start to accept it and it becomes "normal". Mumsnet has made me see that my H and my relationship is anything but normal and all the things he says does are not actually my fault, as I have been believing for a long time. Eg I am a nag, so I drive him to it etc. It scares me to think that I had got to the stage where I was blaming myself in a large part for problems caused almost in entirely by him. Realise now that is why they say that you should always try to talk to someone when you are being abused. It is so powerful that you do end up blaming yourself.

Kammy, my H would never in a million years seek help. He accepts that he probably does have this condition but doesnt really see it as a problem. Tbh just reading that and looking at the various websites on the subject has really helped. I can stop blaming myself and start taking practical steps. He was always like this and probably always will be and it wasnt anything I did.

Sorry that was so long.

PurpleLostPrincess Wed 10-Sep-08 23:12:23

LBM, first of all BIG HUGS to you!! So glad you're getting help/counselling. My DH suffers from a myriad of mental health issues and on reading that description below, I'm wondering if we should add APD to the list, thankfully without the verbal abuse though. I will say that I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for 8 years before marrying DH and my xh used to make be believe that his behaviour was a result of my nagging too - so pleased to hear that you've come to a point where you know its NOT your fault. I didn't realise that for myself until we had divorced so you're halfway there already. (not saying you should divorce him, those are just the facts from my situation and every situation is different).

Although DH is currently in 'the system'; I really struggle to get him to his appointments as he often doesn't see the point of them. Sometimes he gets waves of wanting to get better and is currently in one now despite having had an episode just this morning (partly due to new ad's and partly as he doesn't have any smoke!).

I wish I could offer you some practical advice but I'm still searching for that myself, hence posting on here! I will say that there seems to be a few of us on here and I was going to start a new thread for those living with partners who suffer from various mental health issues. I've found it a great help to be able to let off steam on here and have a moan. In fact, I'm going to start the thread now!!!! smile

Thinking of you xxxxxx

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