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[FedUpOfMyself]

I am feeling very low at the moment.

I feel like I have no life, no identity, and no energy to do anything about it. I feel scared of a lot of things.

I have a 2 year old daughter and a husband. We've been together since I was 16 and he was 22.

I have low self esteem issues and I've always been shy. I have an identical twin sister who I have always compared myself unfavourably to. I tried to take an overdose due to this when I was 15 and did a lot of self harming. I don't see her these days.

My marriage is not very good at the moment. We don't talk very much as I never feel I have anything to talk about (my life is a bit empty - no friends/hobbies/interests/enthusiasm). Our sex life is almost non-existant. It has been like this since before our daughter was born, well since we got married really. This has compounded my self esteem issues and I feel unwanted and rejected. Meanwhile my husband has felt guilty and pressured, and we both find it a difficult topic to talk about.

I'm starting university next month to try to get some sort of independence and identity. I'm scared that our relationship is getting worse because of my lack of enthusiasm for life. My husband doesnt see me as a fun person to be around and I dont blame him.

I just want to give up because it's so hard to change myself and my way of thinking. My husband doesnt deserve to be stuck with me, I'm really draining all the life from him - I see myself as a big lead weight around his shoulders.

I don't know what to do or what to think or feel anymore. I just want to run away sometimes as it's just too much.

[AvenaLife]

It sounds like you need to go and have a chat with your GP. Parenthood can feel alot like loosing your identity. You are no longer you, you are someone's mum. You do need to talk to your dh about how you are feeling. He's there for you and wants to support you but he can't see what's going on in your head. You need to tell him so that he knows that he's not to blame. He's there because he loves you, not because he's stuck.

Please go and see your gp.

[FedUpOfMyself]

Thanks avenalife i know i need to see my gp really, but i'm scared to. i don't know what to say. i know there are long waiting lists for counselling etc so what is the point? I don't really want to take antidepressants or anything, i know my dh will think badly of me if i do.

I'm just wallowing in my self pity at the moment. Dh doesn't find me attractive, i have no friends, no job, no belief in myself. Who can sort me out? I don't think I can. I'm paranoid and jealous, I actually feel hurt if dh even looks at or talks about other women in a remotely sexual way (people on tv not in real life even). I feel like he doesn't notice me. I just have so much hatred towards myself and that sometimes makes me want to self harm again. (I haven't though).

At the moment I feel like there is no point in anything. How did i get stuck in this life??

[BlaDeBla]

Your gp or hv will help. They have seen it all before more times than you can count. Please don't feel afraid or embarrassed. If the NHS queues are very long for councelling, your gp/hv will be able to direct you towards other sources of help. Most councellors have a sliding scale of charges if you decide to go privately.

Your doc is in the best position to decide whether or not you need medication. Medication is not a fix, but it can help improve your mood while you get other things in your life sorted out. I find depression a very physical illness. It should be no more shameful than a broken leg or a bug.