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feeling down to not wanting to admit to it

(71 Posts)
rathernotsay Sun 20-Feb-05 12:11:19

Posting under a different name as I'd rather people didn't know it was me.

For the last few weeks I've been feeling really low. Have trouble sleeping, getting upset over nothing in particular, worrying about silly little things and seem to have lost a lot of confidence, although I've never been very confident anyhow.

I did the online Edinburgh test last night and scored 16 on it. And I guess if I'm really honest with myself I am feeling quite depressed. However, when ever I tell myself that I'm depressed and should tell someone, a little voice in my head turns round and tells me not to be silly and there's nothing wrong just having an off day. Have done this in the past too when I've not been feeling happy with life.

Do you think I could be depressed, or am I just imagining it and creating illusions in my mind. Really confused

Lonelymum Sun 20-Feb-05 12:21:42

So sorry you feel this way. Are you still able to keep on an even keel? When the little voice inside your head says don't be silly you are just having a bad day, does that help you cope? Maybe it is true and you are just going through a difficult patch. I am a firm believer that life is not all roses and sometimes we have difficult times that we just have to wade through. If you feel it is more than that, I would imagine you are depressed. If not, perhaps you just need to reassess what is happening in your life right now and try to get on top of it. Sorry that sounds a bit fluffy. It is just what I try to do when I am feeling as you are. (Most of the time right now, I must admit)

jangly Sun 20-Feb-05 12:26:06

It does sound like mild depression. Are you a full time SAHM? If you are I think it is quite easy to lose your confidence and start worrying about anything and everything. TBH I think probably the only solution is to get out of the house more, even finding some childcare and maybe getting a part time job. But you might feel that is too drastic. Perhaps you will feel better anyway when the sun shines more.Hope so.

rathernotsay Sun 20-Feb-05 13:27:12

Lonely - little voice doesn't really help - well it does for about 10 minutes or so and then I start feeling down again.

Looking back I'm 90% certain I've suffered from depression in the past, but again never dared to admit it - I'm the master of 'pretending to be happy' something I learned at school where I was bullied from when I started to about 15yrs old.

Jangly - yes I'm a SAHH, have been for several years now, love it and really can't imagine myself working - if I did it would have to be an evening job so DH could look after the kids - couldn't work in the day. I do have a 'sort of' job which gets me out of the house 2 or 3 times a week (again rather not say what as it would give me away) and take my youngest to a toddler group everyweek.

the problem is that some of the stuff that's getting me down isn't just going to disappear, it's stuff I have to learn to live with which in 'normal' (whatever that is) circumstances would be fine I just don't seem to be able to get to grips with it all at the moment.

jangly Sun 20-Feb-05 14:40:59

Could you print out the Edinburgh test and take it to show your doctor. I think they've been told not to prescribe ADs for mild depression now, or at least for only a short period, but perhaps you could get some counselling.

goreousgirl Sun 20-Feb-05 15:06:09

RNS - you know what - you've just helped someone - ME! I feel EXACTLY like this - no matter what happens, what I get, what I do, I just can't cheer up. Depressed - Don't THINK so - Can't cope? Absolutely. So sorry I can't help - but will watch thread with interest, and wish you SO much luck in overcoming it. I think you will because you WANT to - you don't sound like a 'reveller' to me.

Gwenick Sun 20-Feb-05 21:54:18

oh jangly - I don't want to go onto AD's and I guess I'm also too 'proud' to go the dr.s too - I'm the only member of my immidiate family who's never been diagnosed with depression and I guess I'm kind of scared of admitting to being where they've all been.

When I was 15 my school (I was a board) sent me off to the Dr.s as they thought I was depressed, as I'd been self harming - when he asked me if I'd ever thought about suicide or hurting myself I lied and said no.....despite the fact I had scars on my wrists as we were speaking.

I'm no where near that stage at the moment, couldn't even contemplate it as it would be so selfish towards my kids, but I'm feeling every other emotion that I had then. This afternoon I burst into tears for no reason at all - and it's not PMT - had that 1 1/2 weeks ago.

I guess I really should be going to see my dr. but I dont' like him at all, saw him when I was pg, and I feel really stupid as I've got no reason to feel like I do.

Socci Sun 20-Feb-05 22:23:39

Message withdrawn

jangly Sun 20-Feb-05 22:45:35

Gwenick - you can't know how your doctor will take this. He will most probably surprise you by being perfectly sympathetic. I mean, it isn't as though depression is a rarity! You probably just need either some counselling or a very mild AD for a short period. And he won't expect you to supply a reason for feeling like this! TBH if you've felt so bad before, I would say don't hesitate - get some help. Very best to you.

Gwenick Sun 20-Feb-05 22:49:59

I know Socci - it's just I always told myself I was too 'strong' to get depression. And I'm not sure I could actually tell anyone in RL - I always appear happy and smiling, and to admit that actually I'm not really like that at all would be so hard. It was hard enough writing on here where I don't know any of you without having to actualy 'say' it.

I guess the Dr. thing is just another excuse I'm coming up with, I don't have to see my GP, it's a practice where I can get an appointment with any of the Dr.s - and I know from having taken both boys up there that most of the others are really lovely. And as for seeing a counsellor/therapist or whatever, that just really scares me although not really sure why

Socci Sun 20-Feb-05 22:51:30

Message withdrawn

Gwenick Sun 20-Feb-05 22:51:31

sryy Jangly crossed posts

Gwenick Sun 20-Feb-05 23:01:22

HAven't talked to DH, not sure he'd really understand. Don't get me wrong he's wonderful and really caring but depression is somewhat of an 'alien' term to him.

His solution woulb probably be something along the lines of "have a nice bath, hot chocolate and early night and you'll feel better in the morning".

Socci Mon 21-Feb-05 07:30:31

Message withdrawn

Gwenick Mon 21-Feb-05 11:45:48

God I feel so stupid now. Just, finally, plucked up the courage to call for an appointment and didn't really get very far. The receptionists at our practice always have to ask 'what the problem is'. I told her I'd rather not say and she turned round and said "well it helps us if you tell us then we can make sure you see the right person" Told her again that I'd rather not say and she started tutting away while getting my details up..........couldn't hack it so hung up

Not sure I can bear ringing back and trying again I already have an irrational anxiety about making phone calls (have done for years) that aren't anything other than chatting to a friend.

LGJ Mon 21-Feb-05 11:49:05

Pardon the vulgarity

But ring back and imagine her sitting on the loo with her Bridget Jones knickers round her ankles

Lonelymum Mon 21-Feb-05 11:55:53

Leave it a bit and hopefully you will get someone else on the line. Now you know the question will be asked, you are prepared for it. Think what you want to say. Me, I would try to put her down by being very confident and in control. I would say, "It is a confidential matter I wish to discuss only with my GP." She can't force you to say what it is, and she can't refuse you an appointment either. Alternatively, ask to speak to your GP on the phone and explain to them that you don't wish to tell the receptionist your private business.

Gwenick Mon 21-Feb-05 11:58:56

thanks lonelymum - may try that but the words Gwenick, telephone and confident don't really go together. The stupid thing is I KNEW she'd ask me that as I had to call to make appointment for my children sometimes.

Lonelymum Mon 21-Feb-05 12:04:09

I hate the phone too but sometimes I manage to muster this confident "don't-you-dare-stand-in-my-way" attitude and you would be surprised how often it works. Don't let this woman prevent you from seeing your GP. Keep your goal in mind and make another call, but do it later today maybe. Take comfort from the fact that GP receptionists are, without fail, the rudest, hardest bunch of women known to mankind.

jangly Mon 21-Feb-05 12:09:05

That is so bad!! She has got no right to ask that! You should only ever have to give details to a doctor or nurse at the practice. Ring back, forget the last time, and ask to see a doctor. Tell her you will only discuss medical matters with a doctor. For goodness sake - any of the doctors will do - they're all GPs! Try to be brave. Be thinking of you.

catgirl Mon 21-Feb-05 12:09:51

nothing to add on the depression side, but when you do make that phone call, stand up rather than sit down - you will sound more confident as your voice will be 'projected' rather than you being hunched over - if that makes any sense? Anyway, it works for me. Hope you get the help you need.

jangly Mon 21-Feb-05 12:11:08

Yes, I agree with that Catgirl. And get a bit angry inside. You've every right to be!

Gwenick Mon 21-Feb-05 12:15:46

Thanks will try again later - they're closed between 12-2.

Gwenick Mon 21-Feb-05 13:47:04

Feeling really awful at the moment. DS1 is at nursery, DS2 is downstairs winging at the stairgate, not screaming but obviously really wants me down there with him, sounds so lonely.But I'm sat up here and just feel 'nothing' - feel guilty that I should be rushing down to be with him, but feel 'empty' at his whinging - what a crap mother

Lonelymum Mon 21-Feb-05 13:51:57

Oh Gwenick darling. I have so been there. Ds2 will survive a few more moments to yourself. Then, could he not play quietly where you are so you are keeping your eye on him without actually doing anything with him. It is nearly 2 o'clock. You really need to make that phone call again. I wish I could do it for you.

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