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Does anyone have pschotherapy??

(18 Posts)
googoo Sat 19-Feb-05 22:28:40

Im 3 sessions into once a week 50 min sessions for 18months

I feel really worried about going because we go in, sit down and he just looks at me,

i know what they want is for me to start but thats part of the reason im there, being really hy with no confidence, i find it difficult to join in family conversations let alone just launch into one with a stranger.

I did tell him i find it hard and that it would be great if he started but last session, it was all scary again.

Im also not really sure what i should be talking about,.
i have a lot of 'issues' about my mother and how much i hate her and also about my weight and my depression, am i ment to just alk about those things?

when i try to off load about my mother ( feelings i have bottled up inside) he says, 'lets get back to you' 'find out about who you are' its just so awkward, i dont know who i am, but i do know i have a lot of anger in me that comes out as depression and worry etc,

does anyone else have pschotherapy, can anyone explain what im ment to do there or what im ment to get out of it?

im not sure i can cope with 18 months of worry each week about how i will start the session off, i need some direction


expatkat Sat 19-Feb-05 22:52:53

It takes some getting used to. . .but if you're with someone good, there can be a real rapport after a while, and you may find you actually look forward to the sessions. Your relationship to the therapist is meant to be totally different to your relatonship with a family member or a friend. Being in a room with a therapist is supposed to be a bit like being in a room with your superego, i.e. the part of you consciousness that keeps desires/aggression in check--the "sensible" part of your mind. So you can think of therapy as talking to a shadow of your self. You're not actually talking to someone who's going to judge you; therapists are trained to be nonjudgmental.

I think a therapist would say that any feelinga you have--good or bad--about therapy are OK. If you find it awkward, that's OK. Go with that, until you find it less so. In my case, I found that directness with the therapist was most effective. I'd find a way to remove myself mentally from the awkwardness of the situation and, even though I'm not particularly direct in RL, I could be very direct in there. . .and that sped up the process..

I feel like being in therapy is a gift in a way. We live in a culture where self-examination is not much admired--we're just supposed to stay busy and get on with it--but I think therapy can make you smarter and more observant. It might be useful for you to think of it in a more positive way, rather than dwelling on the strangeness/awkwardness of it. You'll cope with 18 months. . .good luck!

expatkat Sat 19-Feb-05 22:58:33

I find it strange, though, that your therapists nudges you away from offloading anger about your mum. That's a little unusual. If you're still quite early in therapy, though, it's possible that he needs to get to a wider perspective on you before he can delve into the anger that is no doubt contributing to your depression..

expatkat Sat 19-Feb-05 22:58:38

I find it strange, though, that your therapists nudges you away from offloading anger about your mum. That's a little unusual. If you're still quite early in therapy, though, it's possible that he needs to get to a wider perspective on you before he can delve into the anger that is no doubt contributing to your depression..

august24 Sat 19-Feb-05 23:11:38

I think if you have the feeling it isn't working, and you talk with your therapist about it and you still feel it isn't working then you need to find someone different. I have seen many therapists in my life, and some have worked for me and some haven't, and a lot of times it was really hard for me to realize that I needed to find someone different. Sometimes when you are having issues with a therapist it can actually transference of your issues on them, and sometimes it can be that it isn't working. But it is hard to know(speaking from experience) how and when to break it off. I would directly ask your therapist about why he is redirecting your anger towards your mother. I had a similar situation, and in retrospect I spent way too much time on an issue in therapy, we are talking session after session of rehashing the same old sh*t and my therapist really tried to redirect me, and I couldn't not focus on the issue. It was a painful time, and in retrospect a real waste of money(to pay someone to hear the samething session after session but something I had to work out for myself. The final thing I will say is therapy is hard, painful work and sometimes the solutions/answers are not apparent immediatly but I honestly feel that in the long run it is worth it. I am still coming to realizations and new understanding from therapy that ended long ago.

august24 Sat 19-Feb-05 23:16:11

Also,I can relate to feeling stressed about how to start a session. I would say to pay attention to your feelings, dreams and situations during the week and go to therapy with some idea of what you want to talk about that week, and then your session will progress. I remember one session I had, I was having a very tense time with a neighbor of mine and I actually spent a session talking about it, and it was very helpful to me. My therapist gave me insight that I hadn't realized in my day to day thoughts. HTH

girlfromip Sun 20-Feb-05 11:08:40

goo goo, the beginning of therapy tends to be really hard for most people, everyone I know including myself struggled in the beginning. I really sympathise with your ill ease at the prospect of this continuing unchanged for nearly two years, scary thought.
But just out of interest I wondered how you know it will be 18 months? Also, has this therapist been recommended by a friend? Also, do you know in which 'school' of therapy this therapist was trained? All those things are good to know because knowing them could help to build your expectations appropriately.
I think that a therapist ideally might start the first session by explaining how they work and how that might come across. Do you feel that this therapist prepared you for the process?
I don't mean to be critical at all, I just know that therapists vary hugely in their technique.
But good luck and I hope it works well for you.

googoo Sun 20-Feb-05 19:34:58

Thanks all

I have been told it will be 18m give or take by him, thats what has been recommended i need,

I got put with him via the NHS, didnt get to choose, as there is no way i can afford it privatly,

basically he had a free session each week and i was next on the list for it,

I dont know where he trained, i would never be brave enough to ask questions like that,

i do remember him saying that the type of therapy i was having was a very new type, so it was a case of see how it goes.

He knows my history as to get this slot i had to see a different pschologist for 3 sessions last year, plus you get questionares etc,

I think also its a bit niggling at me that im talking to a bloke, trying to discuss, not only relationships with people but also birth trauma and not sucessfully breast feeding etc,

i think its difficult for men to know how low you can be after birth, not only mentally but i was very low physically, which was draining, it still buggs me 3 years later lol

will see how it goes on tues

thanks for the advice everyone

luv jen

googoo Sun 20-Feb-05 19:35:33

p.s please excuse my spelling

girlfromip Sun 20-Feb-05 20:34:42

goo goo, didn't mean to ask so many questions hope you don't mind!

I totally understand that you don't want to ask him questions as if you're checking him out.

Also, re the man thing, I always wanted to see a woman but I know a lot of women who have got a huge amount out of having a male therapist, so you might be really really surprised. I hear what you're saying about the maternal issues, that is tough, is there anyone else you could talk to about some of those things? Would you feel comfortable asking your Health Visitor if you could talk about some of those maternal things with anyone else? You may know all this, forgive me if it's obvious but Parentline, Laleche League, NCT all have various phonelines which may be helpful for specific things in addition to your therapist.
I hope I haven't been intrusive. It's a unique process, therapy, and can be dark at the beginning, it's common to really resent the therapist as well and point all sorts of feelings at him or her. It's complicated because it is hard to judge the process early on, you almost need a few months to start to sense what is going on. And actually what we often want at the beginning is to be able to trust our instincts, but sometimes our instincts have not been 'right' in the past and we need therapy to learn to trust them again, that's why it's really hard to tell anyone how their therapy is going! It is a process of trust really, and I wish you all the best for it.

DecafArabica Mon 21-Feb-05 01:32:44

Hi, I've been having psychoanalytic psychotherapy for several years and--until DS came along--had started training as a therapist myself.
I can remember how awkward it used to feel when I would walk into my therapist's room and sit down and think, what the hell am I supposed to talk about now.
What helped for me was keeping a diary with me during the week and jotting down thoughts/questions/dream fragments and even drawings, anything relating to how I felt. One week I just handed my therapist a picture I had drawn and started talking about what it was supposed to be.
As a client you have a right to know about your therapist's qualifications. Unfortunately at the moment in the UK, anyone, whether they have trained for 15 years or 15 minutes, may call themselves a 'counsellor', 'psychotherapist' or 'therapist'. If your therapist was recommended by your GP they would, I am sure, have checked that he is properly qualified. But in case this aspect worries you at all, your therapist should be a member of a reputable professional organisation such as the UKCP or BACP, which awards qualifications via accredited training schemes and has a proper code of conduct should there be an ethical problem. Here are some websites Good luck and I sincerely hope that your therapy eventually helps you as much as mine has helped me!

sansouci Mon 21-Feb-05 01:41:27

Sorry, haven't yet read all of the thread but I was in "freudian" analysis for 8 years and had the same trouble in the beginning. So I just said whatever came into my head. One thought leads to another and after a (very long, maybe) time, you realise your common themes and start to think about them outside of therapy. It's fascinating stuff. Go to the library or bookstore and read all you can on the subject. Although some people wouldn't recommend it, I think it's more interesting to know the dynamics of it. HTH.

MummytoSteven Mon 21-Feb-05 13:42:10

Hi goo goo. Did you particularly choose to go for psychotherapy rather than CBT/counselling or any sort of talking cure? Have you had the chance to research whatever method your therapist is using on the internet/get a proper explanation from him as to what he's doing. I am a little concerned that you say that it is an "experimental" sort of therapy - i.e. on what basis is this treatment appropriate for you - is it just you being at the top of the waiting list, rather than being suitable for it?

I think you need to get more info either from the therapist or from books/internet as to the techniques/aims of this type of therapy (ideally from your therapist, of course) to figure out whether you are uncomfortable atm as part of the process of getting used to therapy, or whether some other sort of psychotherapy would be more your cup of tea.

If you feel it's not working out, don't feel afraid to ask your GP about other options.

best of luck

ks Mon 21-Feb-05 13:49:19

Message withdrawn

googoo Tue 22-Feb-05 09:24:52

Hi All,
Thanks for all your answers,

When he said that the therapy i was having was a new kind, i assumed he ment that pschotherapy didnt use to be prescribed much in the past so it was a new approch to my problem,

He did make a point he wasnt a councellor that he was a therapist,

Initially i was put forward for CBT but after the initial assesment they decided that pschotherapy would be better for me,

I tthink he is a fully trained therapist, its with the nhs in a nhs hospital , not that it actually means anything these days, i dont think that he isnt a good therapist, i had the same problem with the lady i saw for my assesment, she also just sat there and let me start.

when i said to her, do you want me to start she said something like, you look embarrased, why are you embarrased jenny,
which of course made me cringe even further into my seat.

I have got my session today at 2pm, im going to ask him about EFT and see what he things of it, , at least thats one way to start the session off,

im worried already though as i have had to ask my mum to baby sit this week and basically im in therapy because of her, i hate leaving the kids with her but dont know what else i can do as they arnt old enough for school

then when i get home she will ask me how it went, what do i tell her, well actually mum you screwed my head up and i spent most of the session blubbing about how much i hate you,

anyway, better tidy the house before she gets here or that will be something she can pick on me for

thanks for your support
luv jen

DecafArabica Tue 22-Feb-05 12:36:07

Good luck and, if you want to talk about how your sessions are going, I'm listening! I just had my therapy session today and it was so helpful to be with someone who knows the real me and not the face I sometimes hide behind.

girlfromip Tue 22-Feb-05 13:01:54

googoo, someone told me once to try not to talk to people about the content of your sessions with anyone. they said, if you know you will tell people you might censor yourself and that is one place we should feel really safe from judgement or as safe as possible.
Sometimes an affectionate but firm: "The therapist says it's better if I don't talk too much about it, that it can halt the process..." or something like that you may find people stop asking. Alternatively you could even just lie (but obviously only if you're comfortable with that) and say breezily 'Oh we just chatted about the baby' and change the subject!
Anyway, the session is yours, all yours, for your benefit and growth, no one else's IMO!
Sorry to go on, I just want to give you my support - hope it's not over the top! Hope your session went well.

hub2dee Wed 23-Feb-05 09:17:58

Hi googoo, I'm not a psychologist / therapist, but did a psych degree.

If it looks like some kind of therapy may be useful to you, I would recommend you find out a little more about the process so that you are properly informed about the various 'styles' available to you so you have more information about what might be expected (from both parties) in your sessions. This has been suggested above.

Of course your therapist, if asked directly, might be able also to suggest ways in which you could prepare for sessions, or what might be useful for you to bring along to kick things off. Particularly if they are following a 'new' psychotherapeutic model, I would suggest you should ask the name of the system: the various systems can be radically different in approach, and from looking into the varous options you might feel one may be more beneficial to you than the other.

None are sacred, 100% effective, 100% 'right'.

Remember, one 'style' which is right for one person, may not be right for you, but I hope you can begin to feel more comfortable with this therapists methods and that it is useful for you.

There are a number of support centres dealing with issues of birth trauma, which you may like to explore. Sheila Kitzinger is active in this area and has a useful personal website.

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