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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Do you think I will ever be me again?

18 replies

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 20:41

I sometimes think life is too hard to carry on but then I love my kids too much to leave them.

I want to be me again but not sure who that is anymore.

I just want to be like everyone else, normal, have friends, manage, be a good mum.

OP posts:

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JumpingNASWM · 27/08/2008 20:45

I cannot answer that question for you, but will say that whatever your circumstances, things will not always be the same, nothing stays the same,m life is always changing.

I am on a permenant journey of discovery. I am not the same person I was before I had children nor am i the same person I was after I had them. Maybe it is the same for you? Do you want to say a bit more about how you are feeling at the moment?

In the meantime can I offer you a virtual hug?

X

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 20:47

Thanks for the hug.

Just feel so low. And I am bored with it. DH and I have had a difficult few years and I feel sometimes when will it get better.

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JumpingNASWM · 27/08/2008 20:50

I know that feeling of boredom of feeling so crap - you wonder will it ever end? And there seems no end in sight... But one day you look back and realise that there has been some progrss, somethings have changed, and that it hasnt all been bad, even though it felt like it at the time.

I know my words are little comfort. I know the feeling when nothing anyone says acually makes a difference, nothing anyone can say can 'help'. But I can empathise with you.

I have to go for a while now, but have another virtual hug from me and do talk some more - or CAT me if you want.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe}}}}}}}}}

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 27/08/2008 20:54

I am off too. I am going to watch Who Do You Think You Are? Meant to be quite moving so not sure best idea to watch or not.

Thanks again.

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JumpingNASWM · 27/08/2008 22:36

Oh I love that program - who was on it tonight?

did it upset you?

x

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 09:06

I felt sad for Jerry and was moved at how upset he was. Felt intrusive to hear him sobbing though.

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TheMadHouse · 28/08/2008 09:32

I think that the "me" you are looking for is problerbly long gone.

We are all products of the things we have been through, the places we have been and the people we have loved and been loved by.

Rather than looking for the "old you" maybe highlight what traits you would like "you" to have and concentrate on achieving those a little at a time.

Oh and "normal" is average and no one wants that for themselves do they. You are on a journey and possiblly just having a hard time at the present.

Are you getting any help other than just medication?

School holidays will be over soon and I am sure that will make things a little easier. With all the crap weather we have had looking after 3 children can not have been easy.

Look for the positives

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 09:38

No help other than when DH is here but he has had 2 days off all summer. Not his choice at all, he booked 2 weeks but he is having tomorrow off.

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TheMadHouse · 28/08/2008 09:40

COuld your GP not refer you for CBT or talking therpy?

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 09:46

I had one counselling session through the GP but the counsellor gave me the creeps.

I don't know how CBT could help me as I don't really know what it is.

I know why I am the way I am and why I have my weird issues. It is just getting through the day that is hard. Being a Mum does not come naturally to me at all.

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thebecster · 28/08/2008 09:55

I went through a deep depression many years ago, and am now a very happy person. But I'm not the 'me' I was before - the main difference being that I understand more of how hard life can be, and am much more grateful for every moment of happiness I get now. I don't take anything for granted any more.

When things get better for you, they will be so much better than they ever were before - I really believe that. The 'me' you will be is someone who has weathered the storm.

Sometimes getting through the day is an act of great bravery - I remember how hard it used to feel. Hang on in there and be proud of yourself for putting one foot in front of the other and breathing in and out when it feels like the hardest thing in the world.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 10:01

The old me was funny, happy and good to be around with lots of friends.

Now I am not.

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TheMadHouse · 28/08/2008 11:54

CBT - Cognetive Behaviour Therapy

It is about changing the way your brain thinks. If you can not change the situation, about changing the you.

I think that being a mum is not always natural, espeically when you have been through things as a child. Hang on in there and go and see your GP for some additional help

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 12:25

So I guess I pick an issue and try and work out how to change how I cope with it? That will be hard. I have real food issues and can't deal with those never mind things to do with how I am with my kids.

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TheMadHouse · 28/08/2008 12:29

Oh yes it is hard, but it worked for me. I had one to one at home on a weekly basis for 12 months. DS2 was 2 when it started and they times the sessions in with his nap time.

Some weeks were exhausting. See your GP about it

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 12:53

I see the GP every three months and he usually just says I will be on the pills for a while, get a job when DS2 is in playschool and come back in 3 months.

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fluffyanimal · 28/08/2008 13:02

Hi ImnotMamaG, we've talked before. Can I second everyone elses comments about finding a new you? I am far from the same person I was before my period of depression and anxiety. On the other side, I have come out quite different in many ways, some things I like and some things I like a bit less, but overall I'm happy with the current me. This WILL happen to you too.

Can I also suggest you press the GP about more counselling: sometimes it takes trying out a few to find a counsellor who gels with you. Also, I can second the recommendation for CBT - ask GP about this. I had this in my 4th phase of counselling and I think it is what gave me the long-term strategies to cope with and overcome my depression by myself. During CBT you gradually learn and practise mental strategies and disciplines which help to combat the wrong kind of attitudes to life's problems. I'm not saying it's easy or overnight, but it really can work. If you think your GP is not giving you the best advice, can you see another in the same practice?

PS loved your post about your daughter's pentagon the other day!

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 28/08/2008 13:03

I am so impressed with her.

I am so tired I couldn't see properly when I went out earlier to post a parcel to a MNetter.

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