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please stop me feeling like this........

(15 Posts)
fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 19:52:54

I lost my job a few weeeks ago (I am the breadwinner)or rather I was given a different job in my company at half the salary of the old one. We had only bought a house a month before all this happened and it came totally out of the blue.

I've now been offered a new job which I intend to take because I cannot stand to work for the old company any more. With Tax Credits I will just about cover all the outgoings. I've worked out I will have £7.00 a month left (!) and that's not including food, petrol etc. My DH contributes what he can but he is on a very low wage. We m,ay just scrape by but there will be nothing for clothes, shoes etc let alone anything else

I'm so scared that we won't manage. I couldn't bear to lose our home and I have three DDs and a DS at home and of course I want things for them, but we just won't be able to do it. I've never felt like this before - I am crying and panicking and absolutely terrified. I really don't know where to turn. I have no family left apart from DH and the children. I'm really really scared............I feel like I am going to go mad.

jellyrolly Mon 25-Aug-08 20:07:45

No wonder you are feeling this way with so much pressure on you, god I feel for you. Your employers are utter bastards.

I have no real advice but couldn't ignore. I think, to cope, take this one step at a time. Concentrate on the fact that you can just cover your outgoings. For now, this means you will not lose your home.

Congratulations on your new job btw. Do you know if there will be any chance of overtime (impossible with dcs I expect) or promotion when you start?

cheesychips Mon 25-Aug-08 20:10:19

I'm no help but just wanted to say that I really feel for you. I'm sure someone will be along with advice and practical support but I can hear the panic in your message and just wanted you to know that there was someone out here thinking of you.

Sorry for being so rubbish - but sending you positive thoughts.

cheesychips Mon 25-Aug-08 20:11:36

Was what your previous company did legal? Do you have any union support?

fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 20:12:51

thanks jelly. No, the job is purely PA/secretarial which they impressed upon me at the start as tbh I am overqualified for it but I was desperate!

Bastards is the word. The whole thing, from telling us to the redundancies being made, took two weeks. They cleverly chose to lose 19 people. Had it been 20 they would have had to have had a three-month consultation period which would at least have given us time.

Have been tempted to go to the doctors and ask for sleeping tabs/tranquilisers/anything but I just can't admit defeat!!

It would help to talk to someone probably so thank you for posting!

fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 20:16:43

And thanks cheesy. I am really crying now - I hope the kids don't come in!!!

Yes, sadly it was legal. This will sound hilarious, but they are a law firm!!!

Ffs, more like twats I would say. They got by with the very barest of the minimum adherence to the law they could.

Even the guy who interviewed me for this new job was shocked by them.

I really want to try and get a second job too to keep us going. Five kids means I am well used to not sleeping so nights wouldn't bother me but there doesn't seem to be much about. I'm looking for anything really I am not precious.....

cheesychips Mon 25-Aug-08 20:26:57

There is a website aimed at mums where you you can post your cv (its free) and the hours you are looking for and companies contact you. Will try to find the details.

You can get free financial advice at the Citizens Advice Bureau

AND it is not being defeatest to get medical help if you are not coping. Your family needs you more than ever at the moment, and you can't look after them if you are not looking after yourself (I know psycho babble blah blah blah but true!)

scanner Mon 25-Aug-08 20:32:28

Fadingaway - hold on. I was in a similar position a couple of years ago, not a penny left at the end of the month for extras. You will get through it. I ended up going to the gp for anti-depressants, in the end I didn't take them but after having done some research I took StJohns Wort. I spoke to my gp and she said that if we lived in Germany this is what she would have prescribed and that it works well for mild to moderate depression. It took a couple of weeks to work, but really did help me through some tough times.

A second job, won't hurt in the short term. Does dh work full time, or could he take on another job too?

fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 20:32:54

thanks again cheesy. I am glad I managed to get the courage up to post.

I am so bad at admitting defeat I can't even do it proeperly on mumnset sad

fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 20:34:51

sorry scanner I didn't see your post.

DH works 12-hour shifts so he coulnd't do anything else on top.

How do you work out the dosage for St Johns Wort - do you need to get it from the GP?

Maybe I would feel better quicker if I took a couple of bottles? smile

jellyrolly Mon 25-Aug-08 20:49:16

Keep looking for a better job as you are overqualified for this new one. The bastard law firm might have taken your job but don't let them take all your confidence too. It won't feel like it now but it is a good thing to get away from such a souless employer.

You have no reason to talk about admitting defeat, you are 100% in the right.

Sorry, don't know about St John's Wort but do take China which is a homeopathic remedy for depression/exhaustion. I find it very good.

fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 20:56:03

I'll take anything jelly!

You have hit the nail on the head - when they chose people for redundancy they said it wasn't personal blah blah and then the only people that stayed were the team leader's pets. People went that had been there much longer than I had. I only stayed for financial reasons - as I hadnt been there two years I wouldn't have got any redundancy. I swore to myself I would go as soon as I could. But I still feel like a useless shite person who wasn't good enough to do her own job. When I asked about being put back in my old job when the market picks up (I am a conveyancer) I was told jobs would be advertised internally and externally and I would be welcome to apply! it beggars belief.

I don't know that I am depressed so maybe I am a fraud. I liken depression to sadness and I wouldn't say I am sad but I am terrified. I can't sleep or eat etc but again I think maybe a lot of people wouldn't either if they were in my position......

Thanks for listening.

bobsyouruncle Mon 25-Aug-08 20:58:44

So sorry you're going through this, have been through something similar myself - dh lost his job, our sole source of income, without any warning. Can totally relate to the feelings of panic & constant crying. Try to stay positive. We had some shares we sold to get us through short term, but we were very lucky as dh got another (better!) job very quickly.

fadingaway Mon 25-Aug-08 21:02:23

thanks bobs. As you can tell I am sitting waiting for posts to come in as you are keeping me going this evening!

I'm not the sole earner (but always been the bigger of the two). We'v never had a lavish lifestyle or anything near it but there has always been enough left over for a MacDonalds or something at the end of the month. Not any more. I guess we're poor. And it is very very frightening.

jellyrolly Mon 25-Aug-08 21:15:38

It will get better. Don't believe that shite your old employers are telling you. Too many undeserved bonuses and partner lunches more like. There is always a need for good, hard working professionals like you. You can blame "the market" for any kind of profession waning at the moment. As I said, they are bastards.

Focus on the future where one day soon you walk into work happy and enjoy it, you are valued and can give your family what you want. It will happen.

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