I woke again at 4.30- like i did for the last couple of mornings.
I can't get back to sleep
Stuff going round and round in my head....
I am bored and tired of my life right now.
My kids are 5 and 3 and great but challneging (esp dc1).
My DH is 10yrs older than me and permamnetly tired and grumpy.
I have had the kids pretty much all holiday on my own. I've a fair few friends locally, dc1's school friends so we've kept occupied but it has been a long long tiring month.
Main problems are
- My weight...I've always been overwight, but am now a size 20-22 and only 5 fot 3. i am a mess
- I've lost contact with all my old friends. THe ones from college and school. Whilst alot of my more recnt, baby type mates seem to spend weekends away or havong people over, we just plod through weekends and bank holidays, fighting for sleep and a little bit of time to relax.
Dh has pretty much lost contact with everyone- there is always a reason why he won't phone old friends, and they never seem to phone him either.
We both feel a bit on the outside alot anyway. i think that is why we are/were attracted- old and cynical. Be he seems to get more and more isolated and not be that bothered, excpet for the occ really miserable moment.
I tend to come on MN every day- esp evenings so I can avoid boring tv that he is watching. But I am also a bit addicted and get annoyed with myself that i am not doing more with my evenings.
We have one room downstirs so it is hard to use the ohone of an evening.
I have complicated family that exasperate me but I also like to keep in contact with them. Dh and his brother rarely speak.. ie years between calls.
I am just so bored of this, I want to go and visit people and take the kids and have fun with other people. But I haven't spoken to alot of my old mates for months and months.
Grrr, how did Dh and I get to this?
We used to have so much fun. NOw even why I try to be cheerful, he just mopes and back chats me and the kids like he's a kid too. he even stropped off and slammed the door when ds1 didn't do what he asked yesterday!
I need a plan.
I think the major part of it is to bar MN on my computer, so I free up tiime to talk to my old frineds.
I also need to get some excecise and try to lose weight again.
bloody hard thoough, when there is years of neglect of both friends and body