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HELP---I'M PAINFULLY SHY-Please many helpers needed (opinions wanted)

(9 Posts)
smitty12 Sun 24-Aug-08 07:07:19

I was rehearsing a show for 5 weeks, and having Social Anxiety Phobia, I didn't extend myself to anyone. For 20 years I haven't made any friends, so I decided to ask someone from the show to join me for dinner. Well, I was scared but she did. I would like to be friends with the person, but I don't know what to do? I really enjoyed our talk during dinner, and would like to become friends. How do I know if we're friends now after 1 meeting? Can I ask can we be friends? I wrote her an email and asked to get together again, and they will join me for coffee at her suggestion. How do I know if I'm too pushy. I would like to call her every week, but when do I know if it's too much?

sunnytimer Sun 24-Aug-08 07:21:45

Message withdrawn

FlightAttendent Sun 24-Aug-08 08:54:33

Oh Smitty you sound really nice, it does take practice and you will pick up what to do - try following the other person's cues, tell her you are not too confident socially and perhaps ask that she could guide you a little as you aren't too sure when is Ok to call, and haven't had much social contact until now.

Can I ask why you have not really made many friends - have you met anyone through work, or studying, perhaps - are you married?

Hope I don't sound nosey, just trying to understand so can help a bit more x

MaryAnnSingleton Sun 24-Aug-08 09:00:18

bless you smitty - you do sound nice - and echo what sunnytimer and Flight have said - I am very shy too but on moving here three years ago I've gradually made quite a few new friends simply by chatting when I see them, going out to coffee,or inviting them here,just gently getting to know people- it's a gradual process - don't rush it or be too full on otherwise people feel overwhelmed by the enthusiasm..soon you'll be ringing or emailing in a completely spontaneous,natural way that friends do smile

smitty12 Sun 24-Aug-08 09:21:16

Hello Flight Attendant-

I think I have Social Anxiety, (not too confident socially)

I have casual acquaintances, but no one I have come to be "friends" with for the last 20 years. I've been in theater productions for 20years, but I get scared, and don't really socialize. I'm not married, never been on a date and I'm 48 yrs old.

They release info on their illness, and first time talking I found very interesting. I typed up a note for myself to use when telling her about my Social Phobia, but instead of talking about it, I handed her the note, I would love to talk about it, but maybe I should see if she does, maybe she would be turned away?

Hope I don't sound nosey, just trying to understand so can help a bit more x

MaryAnnSingleton Sun 24-Aug-08 12:23:40

think you just need to relax a bit more and allow yourself to ease into friendships,they have to evolve really..I'd be a little alarmed about people passing me notes instead of talking to me - I would imagine that people will realise that it's not so easy for you to chat anyway and if they're nice and worth becoming friendly with they will help you along.

FlightAttendent Sun 24-Aug-08 12:44:26

Hello again. May I ask - do you have any children?

MaryAnnSingleton Mon 25-Aug-08 08:51:17

where are you smitty ?

AbbeyA Mon 25-Aug-08 09:08:01

You sound very nice smitty but the important thing with a friendship is not to get too intense, the other person gets worried that they can't supply all that you want.
I wouldn't ask if you can be friends-just take it as it comes.I also wouldn't write notes, I would wait until you feel comfortable to bring it up face to face.
You have to be patient, friendships take time to grow.I had my first child in a place that I had newly moved to and I didn't know a soul. I got on well with the person in the next hospital bed so worked up the courage to ask her around to coffee. We have both moved twice since then but are still good friends but it was very casual to start with.
Do the coffee as suggested and take it from there.As people say, try and relax and let it grow naturally. Don't place too many expectations upon it.

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