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i'm getting there!

(3 Posts)
twins2cute Wed 16-Feb-05 16:34:08

I haven't been online for ages but I just wanted to say that since i posted last I have begun to feel loads better. I really did hit the lowest point that I have ever been and in a way it was good that i had the bronchitis which was what you could say the last straw. Last august i finally admitted how I was feeling and almost 3 years of bottled up feelings came out. My dr was really supportive and reffered me to a great councillor who has helped me so much. I am still seeing her at the moment I am slowly working through everything but for the first time in ages I actually feel like I am in control. I have a break 3 mornings a week where my twin boys (who will be 3 at the end of May) go to nursery. I actually get to do housework in the day so I am not up till all hours and can actually have something like an evening.
It has been tough facing up to everything admitting that I actually never wanted twins and being allowed to feel that way even though I wouldn't be without them. Feeling so angry that my pregnancy was so awful and that because the boys had twin to twin transfusion syndrome I had to have a c section which was not how I wanted to be. Then just as i started to feel I was getting the hang of being a mum I had time in hospital with gallbladder problems. I was in and out of hospital a number of times and 10 months after the first attack I had my gallbladder removed. Then having started getting on top of things again one of my twins had a febrile convulsion which lasted 2 hours. He ended up in southampton hospital on a ventilator. That christmas the boys had chickenpox then my husband had 3 weeks off work with a kidney problem. Then in the summer I had bronchitis. All the way through I have had to rely on other people and felt totally out of control in that our lives just kept going wrong.
All the way through I have struggled with a very difficult relationship with my in laws. My mother in law was the one that I snapped at when I had the bronchitis. I did phone and apologise the next day but I haven't seen her since and that happened last august. My dh has taken the boys but i havent been. It has caused a huge strain amongst the family but maybe one day I will feel ok to see her. I have just had to concentrate on me for a while.
This posting is a little muddled but I just wanted to say that things can get better after a while and it really does help if you can admitt that you have a problem.

MarsLady Wed 16-Feb-05 16:41:58

I'm glad that things are getting better for you, even in the midst of all that. Well done to you for posting and I hope that things get better and better for you.

makealist Wed 16-Feb-05 16:43:14

Pleased everything is starting to look up for you

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