I know there's nothing anyone can do to help but the title pretty much sums it up.
Mum died when I was a little girl. She was one of those mums who just loved being a mummy and was always so proud of us. After she died suddenly, me and my sister who was 14 went to see her body, my brother who was 12 opted not to. Now I wish I'd not gone as it still bothers me to this day.
After my mum died, my dad tried his best but our house was always a dump, my clothes and hair were always dirty and I had few friends. Even now I still feel like the scruffy kid I was then and I hate it. It's not my dad's fault as he was grieving too but he used to get violent with my sister and I always had to be in the middle of physical fights and screaming.
I want to talk to my siblings but my brother can barely bring himself to say my mum's name as he's never really dealt with it and I'm always complaining to my sister and she's on holiday so really need to give her a break. I never really tell anyone how fucked up I feel all the time and how I feel I will never be good enough.
I hate the fact that she will never know her grandson and I hate the fact that I am such a shit mum compared to her.
I can't talk to dh as he gets uncomfortable cos I get upset and right now I just want to smash something I feel so sad and angry. Everyone thinks I must be somehow 'over' what happened to her, like it's a bloody cold or tummy bug that you just get over nd move on from. The problem is I'll never be OK with it. I'll never not miss her and not hate who I am and the mum I've become.
I feel like I just want to cry for years and just not be a mum right now.
I know there's nothing anyone can say or do but I am just so tired of keeping this to myself.
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Mental health
Miss my mum
32 replies
Missingmymum · 17/08/2008 19:02
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RubyRioja ·
17/08/2008 19:37
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RubyRioja ·
17/08/2008 20:03
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Tclanger ·
17/08/2008 20:48
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RubyRioja ·
18/08/2008 09:06
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