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god im so sick of myself.im really not having a good week

(34 Posts)
CvQ Thu 14-Aug-08 23:34:31

i feel like im bubbling over with anxiety.i need to get a handle on things.i am really trying to keep a lid on things with mum being here.its so hard.i dont feel like i can get rid of my tension.like i cant be mesad
if your sick of me going on i understand why.i feel the same tbh.

Purplepillow Thu 14-Aug-08 23:39:52

Oh no cvq we're all here for!

It is so hard living with parents again when we have had our own spaces, but just remember it is not forevergrin

Have you tried going up to your room and screaming into your pillow, it works for megrin

But please keep posting and ranting if it helps gringringrin

Purplepillow Thu 14-Aug-08 23:41:01

All here for you that should read blush

LackaDAISYcal Thu 14-Aug-08 23:43:27

I'm just off to bed CvQ, but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Don't be so hard on yourself; parents, especially mothers, can be difficult to have around for long periods of time and i think you are doing remarkably well under the circmstances given that she has been less than supportive in the past. I know you said she is really bonding with him, but if I were you I'd be on a knife edge waiting for something negative to come out. It must also be hard watching someone else do stuff for J when his care has been your sole responsibilty till now. I know I used to get a bit narked when I had to watch DSs dad care for him when he used to come and visit.

Is there anywhere you can slip off to and just let out a big scream? It might help.

Sorry if that isn;t much use; too tired to think straight this evening.

Hopefully we'll see you at the picnic tomorrow. I'll be the one tearing my hair out in desperation as I try to marshall my unruly children around and keep D from throwing herself in the lake smile

lazaroulovespastries Thu 14-Aug-08 23:44:32

How's your little'un getting on at nursery? Last week ds had to literally be peeled off me because he was holding on that tightly. The wailing as I left him was terrible. This week he was fine and started telling them all about his haircut as soon as we walked in.

MrsWeasley Thu 14-Aug-08 23:49:37

CvQ you are doing so well, yes you really are.

Does your mum realise the extend of your ongoing suffering? would it be such a bad thing for her to know? She has made a giant leap to be by your side she may make a bigger leap and be a great support for you?
If that is out of the question I am sorry I dont want to cause you any more stress.

Stay strong.
xx

CvQ Thu 14-Aug-08 23:50:32

this tension i could solve tonight but i cantsadim so uptight im literally holding my breath here.ive stayed awayfrom here all night but i really need some help now.i dont know what though.just some help.i cant even call crisis<sob>

CvQ Thu 14-Aug-08 23:52:34

no i cant.i cant risk her using it against me at any point in the future.she is unpredictable and my trust isnt fully there with her yet.

MrsWeasley Fri 15-Aug-08 00:12:02

Fair enough I understand that. I wouldn't trust my mother either. she is a manipulative woman at best but that nothing to do with this! (waffling off again. sorry blush)

Is there anything I could do to solve your tension?

CvQ Fri 15-Aug-08 00:15:16

i dont know what you could do.i dont even know what i can do.i dont even know what im doing here now.no one can helpme.i cant even help myselfsad.waht a mess

Bowddee Fri 15-Aug-08 00:18:37

Don't be hard on yourself. I struggle to be myself when my mum's around too. I tink an awful lot of people do.
Try Purplepillow's suggestion about screamimg in to your pillow, it works for me too.
You say you can't phone Crisis, that's fair enough. But we'll all listen to you.
<hug> (if you do hugs)

Bowddee Fri 15-Aug-08 00:20:20

How rude of me, I never asked how your wrist is!
blush Sorry.

CvQ Fri 15-Aug-08 00:33:00

im way past screaming in a pillow i dont know what to do.ive had to put j in the cot i cant have him near me

thingamajig Fri 15-Aug-08 00:46:10

Hi, CvQ, Ive not posted to you before but I am often on MN at this time of night and see your posts. I am sorry that things are not going so well for you at the moment. I have no idea how difficult life must be for you and I have had my own problems with my mother and depression and other things.
How long is your mum going to be around? Can you plan something to do each morning /afternoon till she is gone so you will both be occupied?
Keep talking to us

CvQ Fri 15-Aug-08 00:47:28

no ive had enough i cant do this anymore<sob.

MrsWeasley Fri 15-Aug-08 00:48:15

Can he sleep with your mum just for tonight?

thingamajig Fri 15-Aug-08 00:48:28

I can see that you are really upset at the moment. Could you call samaritans? You dont have to be suicidal to talk to them, just desperate. the number is 08457 90 90 90

piratecat Fri 15-Aug-08 00:53:56

don't be hard on yourself, there's plenty out there who will be in life.

my mother came over for a week, and in a very short space of time she was getting on my tit end. I felt bad .

You are rightly very frustrated at the moment, but always come here.

MrsWeasley Fri 15-Aug-08 00:58:44

CvQ we are all very proud of you, You have come such a long way.

Pour it all out here, we will listen, we wont judge.

thingamajig Fri 15-Aug-08 01:02:04

Could you possibly manage without her with your arm? And ask her to go?

MrsWeasley Fri 15-Aug-08 01:08:02

CvQ I have to go now am away tomorrow and need some sleep.

Try to rest, would the radio or some music help you to rest? Your mind may be whirring but it may just get consumed by the music and allow you to sleep. It may make J sleep too.

CvQ Fri 15-Aug-08 01:10:42

i really need crisissad

piratecat Fri 15-Aug-08 01:12:39

CVq, you really need some rest sweetheart. I don't know the whole situation, is she at your place then??

piratecat Fri 15-Aug-08 01:16:27

maybe you can cope if she goes, give you some time to see what you can do with the cast on, it won't be for every. I am sure you can do much more than you think??

CvQ Fri 15-Aug-08 01:23:25

i cant rest.my whole body is tense.this willlnot end positivelysadbubt i cant do that which iswhy ineed crisis.god someone plrease just tell me what to do.please.im desperate.

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