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Feel weird!

(10 Posts)
greeneyedgirl Fri 01-Aug-08 12:04:18

I have been posting on here quite a bit recently as my mind seems to be letting me down so much at the moment. I don't think I am depressed, but have very high anxiety levels. I have had constant severe nausea since last week and as an emetephobe I am finding it very hard to cope.

I have been to the GP who thinks the nausea maybe down to a change of contraceptive pill, but, I think much of it has to do with my anxiety. I have a new FT job starting in Sept and I am already panicking that I will feel ill every day (stupid I know, but can't seem to get rid of the thought as I felt really ill at work last Wed and only just made it through the 4 hours). This is obviously making things worse and I am panicking alot. Today I feel very strange, I have the electricity feeling in my body, but also feel detached from reality, like I am looking at myself from outside! Does anyone else ever get this?

I am on amitryptaline (low dose, only 25mg) and I have a session with a MIND counsellor arranged by my GP as part of a new initiative they have started. But the appt isn't until 28th August. I am fed up will feeling scared and ill all the time and I really need to sort myself out. My life isn't that bad, so I don't know why I feel like this, I have a gorgeous new DP (who I have been seeing for 7 months now) and he is lovely to me, but I am terrified he will see how rubbish I am one day and dump me. We were supposed to go out on Wed and I didn't feel well enough (this isn't the first time either). I used to be much stronger than this, but my strength seems to have deserted me recently.

I wake up each morning and wonder how I will make it through the day. Just wondered how other people cope with this as I could do with some practical advice.

Thanks for reading.

Rones Fri 01-Aug-08 14:34:47

Hi greeneyedgirl - I can certainly relate to the anxiety you have felt and feeling detached from reality, which is one of the symptoms of anxiety. It's worth bearing in mind that if you feel like you're going mad, then you're probably not! Strange but true.

The last 3 months have been the most challenging of my life (I had my DD by c-section just over 3 months ago) and feel like I've been through hell and back with anxiety, depression and just feeling horrendous. I was having awful irrational thoughts for the first few weeks and kept obssessing that I would throw my dd out of the window....my thoughts terrifed me but now realise they were a reaction to having this new major responsiblity and not feeling I could cope with it and so wanting to run away from it all. I now love her more than anything but it's hard being a mother...

My husband (been together 11 years) has been a huge help and I can be totally open with him about EVERYTHING so I really recommend that you find someone you can confide in totally to ease your concerns. I went to a mother and baby group last week and met a woman who looked totally at ease with motherhood and confident and then I found out that she's had PND and had tried to kill herself! So realise you're not alone (far from it!) and that everyone else is not coping all the time - it's impossible.

Have you thought about CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)? I'm looking into it at the moment. There's a long waiting list through the NHS (3 years I think) but you could try working through a handbook yourself. I'm using 'The feeling good handbook' by Dr Burns and someone recommended 'Mind over matter', although I don't know the author.

CBT can help turn negative automatic thoughts into more rational responses.

I'm on ADs now, going out to see people as much as possible (no family around and in a flat with no garden) and trying the CBT. Also, have you thought about trying out some therapies? Hot stone massage is fabulous as is Indian Head massage although you may need to try out a few therapists until you find one who hits the spot for you! I'm a trained massage therapist and have very high standards finding it hard to find a decent masseur/masseuse - my search continues!

You also need to accept that you can't be happy all the time and you have a lot on with going back to a full time job. Is there any way of extending your leave? If you really can't face it, don't be afraid of letting your employer know you have problems and maybe you will still be paid while you get better?

Sorry for going on for so long but hope this helps!

greeneyedgirl Fri 01-Aug-08 14:49:02

Thanks Rones. I am not returning to work after maternity leave, my dd is 3 now lol, but it is the first full time job since I had her. It's a long story, I am currently getting divorced and living with my parents as I am broke, so this job would allow me to think about moving out.

The MIND counsellor will apparently be able to help with relaxation ect, the surgery is offering this as the CBT waiting list is so long. I was thinking about trying Reiki again, had it once and was surprised that it worked (although that was curing a headache, not anxiety).

I think my main problem is that I am so hard on myself and constantly worry what people will think of me, is why I went to work last week when I was feeling so ill, I don't want people to think I'm a flake. Before last week I was coping ok, still had anxiety, but not this horrendous nausea, it is debilitating.

I have told my GP I don't want ADs, but I am wondering if I do actually need them.

Rones Fri 01-Aug-08 17:47:42

I realised after I posted my message that I'd just assumed you'd just had your dd - probably cos I was thinking of my own situation, sorry about that!! Relaxation is harder than you think... I really struggle with it and I'm a massage therapist! I'm told it takes practice so I'm going to perservere and try to get a massage once a month if I can afford it. Your health is them most important thing, certainly more important than work, even if it means maybe staying at your parents' longer?

I've never tried reiki but why not give it another go if it helped you last time. I might try it at some point....

I would definitely recommend the CBT handbook as he talks about worrying about what other people think of you. In the book it's number 5 of the 10 forms of twisted thinking: Jumping to conclusions, mind reading - without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you.

I've always had a tendency to be a perfectionist and people please but I'm slowly realising that there really is no point in this. I insisted on staying at work until the very last possible moment and going in when I really shouldn't have when pregnant just to be reliable - but what for? Noone is indispensable and your health is far more important so concentrate on that above anything else.

Sorry to hear about the divorce it must be difficult. Are your parents supportive of you and your dd? The nausea sounds like it might be a symptom of your anxiety so maybe when you address the anxiety, that will go?

I'm really not sure about AD's for anxiety, as I'm taking them for depression primarily. Maybe worth discussing with your GP again.

Sounds like you're on the right track with your MIND counsellor

Good luck with it all and I'll try to write again later if you want to reply. Baby to attend to now!! x

greeneyedgirl Fri 01-Aug-08 18:43:34

Thanks for all your help, I will reply more fully probably on Sunday as am at DPs until then.

greeneyedgirl Mon 04-Aug-08 12:11:40

Well, things just seem to be going from bad to worse. I wake up every day with a panic attack because I dread the day so much as I feel sick 100% of the time, I think I had a bug to start with last week, but now I think that the nausea is just due to the anxiety.

The dr gave me some tablets to stop me from feeling sick, which haven't worked (probably because I won't allow them to work) and I really don't know how to get out of this vicious circle.

I have the odd hour here and there (usually at night) when I feel pretty good and not sick at all, but it always comes back. It is a self fulfilling prophecy I know, but I don't seem to have the strength to snap out of it, which I do usually. All I want is to not feel sick and panic.

Rones Mon 04-Aug-08 18:16:45

Oh dear I do feel for you as I know how awful anxiety and panic can be. I was given lanzaprozole just to get me through my wedding a few weeks ago and only took it twice but found it made me really dopey and didn't actually like the feeling. Firstly you probably need to accept you can't just snap out of it and that you might need to take a long term approach to your problems? I tend to find that as soon as I feel OK again, I pretend I dont have any issues and inevitably the depression/anxiety comes back at a later stage.

Is there any way you could book yourself a massage just to try to give you a kick start for some relaxation? Once you actually begin to let go, it may help. Do you have anyone you can speak to?

Just post again if you want to chat more. You're not alone in how you feel and you will feel better (I know it never feels like it). Sending big hugs...

greeneyedgirl Mon 04-Aug-08 20:43:28

I have decided to go back to the drs and see if they can recommend any medication, I really want to be well for my job in Sept which is putting pressure on me I suppose.

But also I have a fantastic boyfriend who was great with me when I stayed at his place last week (my dd was at her Dad's), but I worry that his sympathy will evaporate if I don't get better and I know it is pointless to think like that. I have eaten much better today, but felt really horrendous when i went out shopping, felt much better when I got home, which is why I know this is anxiety. I am kind of glad it has come to a head because now I have to deal with it, whereas before because the episodes were more spaced out I told myself there was nothing wrong.

Rones I am hugely grateful to you for talking to me, it really helps to know that you're not going mad and it makes me feel like I can get the better of this thing. Thank you so much.

LovelyDear Wed 06-Aug-08 00:04:14

I just wanted to add that feeling like you do is surprisingly common, you describe exactly the feelings i have when i'm in an anxiety phase. I was very lucky to have private health care through my dh's job and went to see a psychiatrist (i thought i was just being referred to a therapist for CBT so was a bit shock) but it was fantastic to have my brain explained to me and to be told that i didn't need to endure the feelings i was having. i promise you don't either! I had loads of CBT but eventually they advised medication. i was really reluctant but the psyc explained that although the are ADs, they are also effective (at different doses) in treating anxiety. They worked a treat, i was completely back to normal in a few weeks. Good luck!

greeneyedgirl Wed 06-Aug-08 11:37:01

Thanks LD, I feel a little better today, although have a slight upset stomach (I suffer from IBS), so I am trying hard not to let it affect me too much. I went to drop my daughter off at the childminder's for a few hours and then went to the supermarket, I found it scary, but I managed it withput a panic attack.

I am hoping that the dr will be able to prescribe some medication that will just take the edge of my anxiety to give me a chance to sort myself out and get some coping/relaxation strategies in place for when I start work. I am trying to be positive, but it can be tricky when you're fighting your mind and body 24/7. I am hopeful that things will be better for me soon.

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