Off to bed now to cry myself to sleep again

[fiodyl]

Its getting very late and Im so tired so I guess Ill have to go to bed now. Ill cry until I fall aslep but at least Ive minimized the amount of hours of nightmares I have to go through tonight.

Why did it have to happen to me?

why can't I do anything about it?

Do I really deserve to suffer like this?

[hellish]

oh no fiodyl , so sorry you are going through such a terrible time, want to talk about it?

[LaPaz]

Hope you're ok fiodyl

there's a few people still awake if you want to chat

[fiodyl]

Thank you for your kind replies, I went to bed but had to get back up again.

I can't cope with this anymore, but I have to pretend for everyone else.

they have destroyed my life and i want them to pay for it,but i know they never will.

[sushistar]

I don't know your story iodyl - want to tell us about it? Who are 'they'?

[fiodyl]

They are social services, they stole my baby.

[sushistar]

How old is the baby? What's his/her name?
It must be very difficult for you.

[fiodyl]

Sorry Im not making much sense am i, ive been drinking to block out the pain.

I go over and over it everyday in my head so sometimes forget that others don't see it too.

[sushistar]

Tell me about your baby.

[fiodyl]

Shes not a baby anymore shes nearly 2 and a half now but the pain doesnt go away.

It like Im stuck in the past at the day they took her but everyone else has moved on with their lives

[sushistar]

Do you have any contact?

[fiodyl]

Yes she is back living with me now, but that is why no one understands, they think i should have forgoten everything the day she came home.
But how can i?whyy should i?

I want to make them suffer like they have done to me. Why is that wrong?

[sushistar]

Well, I guess having her taken from you must have been very traumatic - that trauma doesn't go away, even though she is back with you.

Have you had councelling? Are you in touch with mental health services?

[fiodyl]

ive had counselling and it didnt help. Iive spoken to my GP and he would only give me tablets but they dont work. HV says I have traumatic stress but didnt tell me how to get rid of it.

I am doomed to suffer like thid forever. This is my punishment. I should of held on to her.I shouldnt have put her in the cot then they wouldnt have been able to take her away.

[fiodyl]

Well Im going to bed again and try to sleep again. Ill wake up tomorow and be able to act like everythings ok again. It won't be but no one else wants to know that.