Been off ADs since Oct 07 but feeling down again...

[mum2phoebs]

I was on ADs for PND for just over a year and saw a Psychiatrist for 6 months. I came off the tablets in Oct 07 as felt loads better, but also couldn't wait to get off them as they were messing with my mind!
Since then I have become part-time (3 days per week) so I can spend "quality time" with my DD. Only prob is I dread those days off and prefer being at work! I don't seem to have a proper bond with my DD. I feel we should be out doing things instead of sat in watching cbeebies and me being on the computer. Ebay / facebook are my ways to escape reality! I have no enthusiasm for housework, my husband did everything when I was ill and continues to do the vast majority but it gets to him quite a bit now and gets very frustrated with me.

I just seem to have this physical barrier appear when I have to do the simplest of jobs, feed DD, bath DD, make dinner, tidy-up and even wake-up in the morning.

I really don't want to go back on ADs but don't want to spend everyday in tears feeling so useless.

I wanted children so badly but now I wonder why! I love DD, but can't help thinking why didn't we just stay the happy go lucky couple we once were. My head is such a mess does anyone have any advice...

[thehappyprince]

Hi mum2phoebs - really sorry to hear you've been feeling so rotten. If I were you I think I'd make an appt. to go back to your GP, think seriously about going back on AD's (what was the problem with them? There might be a different one that wouldn't make you feel that way). I'd also talk to your GP about psychological treatment - lots of practices offer short courses CBT, or your psychiatrist may be able to get longer term talking treatment (unfortunately resources vary from area to area). If you show you've a clear preference for it and are willing to put the time and work in, that should work in your favour though. Just remember that the uselessness you feel is part of the depression mindset you're in - not how things really are. And the bonding with dd is the same - hard to bond when you're feeling so negative about yourself. Maybe you should try to organise a short trip out on your next day off, to do something both you and your DD like - might be a struggle to organise but give you a lift once you get there!

[mum2phoebs]

Thanks Happyprince for your reply. I tried 2 different types of AD, Seroxat & Venlafaxine. The latter seemed the best, but made me have strange thoughts and no concentration. I did see a CBT counsellor at my surgery but felt he was blaming my husband for the problems and I know he isn't the problem!

When I read your reply, I put DD in the buggy and went for a very long walk around the village, it made me feel better instantly, so I did the same yesterday and also took DD to a local Tots club, which I've always avoided because I always compare myself to the other mums there. It was okay, DD enjoyed herself so we'll go back another time.

I've been doing bits and bobs of housework too just to get myself back into the swing of things, odd bit of dusting, hoovering etc..

Will go back to GP too...

Anymore advice from anyone else is very welcome...