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Hi, im new here. I have 2 children and ive been taking antidepressents for the past few years. I take cipralex. My eldest whos 4 has adhd and is on equasym. I just feel so low sometimes and i think i have social phobias also. Does anyone else feel like this? The medication helps me but i always have this dark cloud thats hangs around me !
1980louisiana I cant help you or give you any advice but I just wanted to say hi - maybe if you come back on tomorrow during the day there will be others you can chat to in the same situation as yourself - dont give up come back for a chat!!!
hello louisiana. Again, I've no experience of ADs etc. but just wanted to say welcome to MN and please don't go away thinking no-one can help you - some days are quieter than others.
Hi 1980louisiana, I've been on AD for about a year, I also suffer social phobias, it used to be very extreme to the point of not leaving the house at all! I'm slowly getting better and feeling better, finding Mumsnet has done me the world of good, sounds daft but it's true, I've been on here about 4months now and it really cheers me up, makes me laugh, and you can chat to people and feel part of something without the social fears that come with other social encounters. You realise that you aren't the only one feeling this way and there are many other people out there in exactly the same boat. Welcome to MN and I look forward to chatting to you in the future.
Hi everyone, thanks for the messages. Im feeling a bit better already! the weird thing about my social anxiety is ive kept it hidden all my life, my family and husband just think im a bit shy. But really i am ok at times talking to people i know in town or that but sometimes i feel a bit panicky. And when my son starts p.1 in September, im freakin out already about having to talk to people i dont know, like other mums and even his teachers. i dont even go to a toddler group with my youngest because i get so nervous. Does anyone have any tips or advice cos id really appreciate it.
Have you tried 'tricks' like imagining everyone dressed like vegetables (or something equally silly), or really trying to imagine that everyone you see really wants to talk to you but is actually too shy to do it so you've got to go and talk to them instead.
A good book that really helped me was 'Overcoming social anxiety and shyness- By Gillian Butler' it really helped me to change my way of thinking, it's a slow process but I'm getting there, even planning on starting college in sept which is a massive step for me, I too also just assumed I was extremely shy until I started to have panic attacks when I went to crowded places like supermarkets.
Thanks for the advice! im goung to imagine people like big corn on the cobs now! They`ll think im mad instead of shy if i meet them and start laughing! I dont like being in big crowds, even shops i feel panicky. I wish it would just go away. I think your doing excellent seashells. It must be a hell of a big step to start college. I dont think i sould cope with that. Ive started things a few times, evening classes etc and i always stop going after a couple of weeks. Its like i feel people know im shy and inward and then i dont want to go back.
There are loads of people who are regular Mumsnetters who feel the same way as you Louisiana. Just stay around on Mumsnet and they will soon introduce themselves I am sure. Also, you may find talking to epople here helps you to talk to people in real life. Or it may help you understand your problems.
Hi louisiana. I'm the opposite to you - I've been on Mumsnet for ages now, but have only just been diagnosed with depression. I'm hoping that as I'm pg it'll only be temporary, but I'm seeing specialists this week to see where to go next. When I'm low I often just don't want to go out or see people (and I often rely on dp).
Hi 1980louisiana. Welcome to mumsnet.
While I've never been on AD's before, your situation sounds a lot like one of my friends. She has three children, her eldest is nearly 7 and she has ADHD. Her middle child was taken into care and has recently been adopted out of the family. (He was born with severe problems, and care workers believed my friend could not look after her son as well as her other child). Her youngest is nearly 2, and is showing the same signs of ADHD as the eldest.
She was on AD's, her daughter is on medication in the day, plus medication at night to help her sleep.
What help do you get from the community? I don't know what kind of help can be offered to you, but I know my friend can see the light at the end of the tunnel after getting support for her eldest, such as after school clubs and stuff. It gives her a slight break, and her eldest seems to get a lot of stuff out of her system before coming home.
I know that it would put you in the kind of situations you don't like, such as having to talk to people you don't know etc, but that is something that can only be overcome by doing it. I used to be exactly the same - hated going anywhere becuase I hated the idea of people looking at me, hated speaking in front of a group. The job I am in now 'forces' me to have to do these things (though I still don't like it!) and it has helped a little. There are also assertiveness classes and things that may help to build confidence and help you face the things you get panicky about.
im not getting any help. I had to take my son out ofnursery in December cos of his behaviour. His teacher wanted to cut his hours and it was too far to go to take him for an hour or two. I dont have a car and the buses are rubbish. So i got in contact with the hv and she told me to phone nurseries so i did but there were no places left. so hes got nowhere to go till p.1. I thought the hv would have been more helpful, she knows the background of it. My sons on Equasym and hes not as hyper but he keeps having mood swings and is very huffy and panicky now. My other sons 2 in May and i have to admit im stressed out a lot of the time. My husband has adhd also but has never been diagnosed with it and he has rages and outbursts, he gets bored easily and he is actually sleeping now cos he cant sleep at night. I feel like screaming AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Hello 1980louisiana, I'm new to Mumsnet also. I'm so sorry you're struggling with things - without much (any?) support. I can really relate to how you're feeling as my mum suffered with depression/panic attacks and agraphobia for many years. Just a couple of suggestions for you
Have you heard of 'HomeStart' ? I'm wondering if they may be able to help you - your HV should know of them
My mum had a CPN visit her on a weekly basis - do you think that'de help..?
hi lousiana, so much good advice here i cant add anything to it. just wanted to say welcome xx
Hi again, thanks for the advice everyone. I have heard of homestart, but i dont want to get involved with social services or anything like that. im carer for my husband he has mental health problems, paranoia etc and also adhd which he only realised years later. He also has a son with adhd from a previous relationship and also our eldest son whos 4 has been diagnosed with it. Im on antidepressents and i dont want to get involved with social services cos im scared they will think im not coping. The only one in my house whos not on medication is my youngest! My husband is on chlorapromazine.
dont know anything about homestart but i know about the shyness thing. i am terrified of people in rl. if i walk into a room full of strangers i always feel like they are all laughing at me. shyness has stopped me from doing so many things i would have loved to do in my life. i dont have a clue how one overcomes it. i did get slightly better when i worked as i had no choice but to deal with people, though mainly on the phone. i suppose everything is a step in the right direction, coming on mn for example. i would never have imagined myself posting on a site like this..never. i was really scared of it at first. it doesnt bother me too much now but i still feel awful if i think ive said something really daft (most of the time then!). some things i still cant do, i cant go into a shop ive never been in unless someone else is with me for fear i might do something stupid..maybe i wouldnt know which way the door opened, what if i couldnt find the till? what if i cant get the buggy between the rails? its all daft i know but unfortunatly thats how i think. im only comfortable in places i know so very rarely venture anywhere else. im going to check out a course next week but i dont know how im going to feel when i get there..no doubt too frightened to join in but at least im having a look. ive been on cipralex in the past, amongst other kinds of ad's but at the moment im trying to get by without them. ive had depression on and off for years and they just keep handing me tablets..they work i know but i feel like i cant rely on them forever. its hard to find an answer isnt it? mn is a good place though to listen to experiences and get fresh points of view, it has helped me quite a lot really.
Hi Nightowl, thanks for the message. Its so weird to hear about someone who feels the way i do. Just going to the till is hard for me too especially if i think people are staring at me. Ive never talked about my social phobias to anyone before. Im embarrassed about it as i said before my family just think im a bit shy. I dont work cos im carer to my husband, he takes anti psychotics. I even hate going to my local shop in case people talk to me. I always feel im boring and have nothing to say and people wont like me cos im inward. Im also feeling bad about giving my 4 year old equasym for his adhd, i know he needs it but i feel like im drugging him. Im so busy i find it hard to make time for my youngest whos 21 months. I try my best but my husband and oldest are both demanding! I hope u find a course, Nightowl i wish i could get the nerve to do one myself. Im only just turned 25 and i feel like this is never going to go away. I feel like im going to still be freaked out in social situations for ever! Gosh im sorry im prattling on here, it just feels like i can get things out on here that are in my head.
youre not prattling at all! this is a really good place to get it out. im not much older than you, will be 27 later this year. sounds like you have so much to deal with at a young age (is it okay to pretend we are still young?)!! (ok i guess we are but i feel old sometimes) every time i speak to a stranger it seems a major achievement to me. i want to go on one of the meetups but im scared of that also! i may go but im sooo worried about making a prat of myself. ive no idea what people on mn think of me...perhaps a lot dont even notice me, im always on so late. thats ok with me, i happily blend into the background! im opposite with my kids, i feel like i leave my son out too much because his sister is so demanding, she wont let me out of her sight. i assume thats totally normal but a friend witnessed one of dd's strops tonight and told me she hadnt a clue how i coped. being a parent wears you down i think!
Louisiana, you are not alone - as you probably realise! I think it's very common to feel isolated, which can then makes you fearful and anxious in social situations. I've also suffered with this kind of anxiety problem for quite a few years, sometimes quite severely. Other things like agoraphobia, avoidance behaviours and depression are often linked with social anxiety. You are playing a big supporting role for others in your life and some of the orgs suggested, like Homestart could be good for you. Homestart do allocations up to the age of 5 and I declined them because ds's 5th birthday was only months away. But you could have a long allocation, with your youngest being under 2 - it will be good emotional support for you. They will go shopping with you or to baby groups, pick ups, etc. I was told that there there is a very high level of low mental health in the mother's they deal with, presumably PND or general depression. It made me realise how much we need real people, not only drugs and therapists for our problems. A woman from Homestart will come to your home for an informal chat - and you can commit if you are happy. They try and match you with someone who can empathise. It's good to see you and others posting about things like this. Hope you are feeling better knowing you're not alone!
Hi Nightowl and Electricblue thank you for your messages im still amazed that other people can relate to some of the things about me, ive always felt so weird and alone in my thoughts! The homestart scheme sounds really good but i would be too scared to get involved with them in case they thought i couldnt cope. Also my husband is very paranoid even though he takes antipsycotics and i know he really dislikes social services because he was in care for a few years when he was a child. I think the only way i can deal with my social phobias is to put myself in more social situations like going back to a toddler group. I used to go when i had my first son i went for a year and a half. My friend went with her nephew but when she stopped going cos he started school i stopped going also. And my son was really badly behaved at it but i didnt know then he had adhd. I found the other mums to be cliquey they all knew each other from church and i was 21, 22 at the time and they were all older with big jeeps and people carriers so i felt out of place. But i suppose that was my problem not theirs, its not like i was trying to get to know them. I wish i could be more friendly to people i didnt know. Anyway thanks again for your messages and i also cant believe im talking about all of this i thought id be too shy too!
Louisiana, I do relate to how you feel about being judged on not being able to cope by agencies - it goes with the territory, i.e. anxiety. Leave it and see how you feel about it in the future. Or you could ring them anonymously and say what your concerns are and see if what they say strikes a positive note. Sometimes the right people can make the difference. There was a time factor problem for me for HS, otherwise I would have gone with it, even though my dh disapproved. For the time being, esp if your dp doesn't like outside agencies involved, best to stick with toddler groups or maybe post on the Meet up board here, if you feel you can. It might be easier via meet up board becuase you can be honest from the start, which is quite hard in toddler groups. Your eldest is 4, so how are you connecting with the nursery parents/staff? Be interested to know how you get on. Take care.
1980louisiana - Hi there ... I came across this post as I am a trainee Homestart volunteer and did a search ( I was going to ask another question - as I am about to "emabrk on my first family")
However I felt I had to try and put your fears at bay.
The whole point about Homestart is that they are NOT linked with the social services and do NOT report back to them ( except where the safety of the child is a concern )
We at Homestart are there to help - and the fact is that we all as mothers (at some stage or another) do find it hard to cope - But we should not be ashamed of that.
You might only need help for a couple of months or maybe it could be longer term.
Homestart volunteers could be there to :
- play with the kids
- Let you have a long bubble bath
- take you to tesco for your weekly shop
- listen to your woes ...
whatever you want we are there to help
Note that we are totally confidential ... I cannot and would not tell even DH about my visits.
I hope this helps and if at all you want to CAT me - please do.
Are you receiving any support?
If you are in the UK you should look at www.carers.org (sorry can't do links!) and find out if there is a support centre in your area. They are not linked to Social services and all would be confidential unless they felt anyone was at risk, and even then they would inform you before sharing any information about you.
They would be able to provide support, and ensure you are getting all the services that are available to you, and also may help with finding childcare for your son in order to get some respite for youself.
Take care x
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