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Its my birthday tomorrow and its all gone wrong...(3 Posts)
I was going to put this in 'am I being unreasonable?' but I know I am. But I just feel so fed up right now and need to get it all out. So apologies for it being long .
DH had a birthday in June. I was meant to be doing training away, but wanted to spend it with family as first birthday as mu husband, wanted to make an effort, it took me weeks but I managed to get out training. It fell in the week, so the week before, we had a meal with some friends, DH went overboard and we had a fab dinner party. On his birthday he had breakfast in bed, we wen strawberry picking and had a lovely picnic. In the evening we had a meal with some close friends.
At the weekend, it happened to be father's day. That saturday we went out clubbing with lots of friend's, got a babysitter for DD, and on the sunday, breakfast in bed.
He also got some nice presents. Not exactly what he wanted as he actually wanted an x-box 360 but would cost too much with games and all, so he got a leather satchel he has been after and a tv for the bedroom (a joint present for both of us). He specifically said not to get the x-box this time.
Last week, DDs birthday, fell on a weekday, so I took it off work, we spent a lovely day together, went to the beach, and at the weekend had a party, lots of time and effort put in. A great time.
This week, my birthday on a saturday. One day of celebration, did not mind. I wanted to keep it simple, and I did not want to be disappointed with presents so I was very clear about what would make me happy for this birthday and what I wanted to do.
1. A lie-in. Not had one for months, did not mind as I was going to get a great one on Saturday.
2. Beach with my Kayak, DH and DD. Inviting friends, if they want to come great, if not I did not mind as long as I got to go out in my kayak.
3. A meal with DH. Nothing flash, just out, for a change.
4. For my present, a snorkel set - mask and fins so I could go out and enjoy the rockpools when the tide was in. Nothing else, did not need lots of money spent. I would be very happy with this.
This is now what is happening:
1. No Lie in. DH is working. His employers won't give him the time off. He did not ask for it until last friday, just before his boss went on leave and passed it to a jobsworth to sort out. Not approved. He starts at at 7am.
2. Beach with kayak. DH cant come. Friend offered to take me anyway. And the weather looks dodgy.
3. Having a take-away. No-one is able to look after DD, being a saturday they all have plans, cant afford a babysitter, no family around.
4. DH has bought me a back rest for the kayak. he left it in the car for me to see. He has bought me a bag as he had it in a plastic bag visible today when he asked to meet me in town, what looked like underwear. I mentioned tomorrow at the beach and looking forward to snorkling. He asked what was more important, fins or mask. When I asked if he could not get both, he said, No he has got me some other things so cant do both.
This morning, the only chance I have had, and will now get for a lie-in for weeks. I felt upset that DH did not get up with DD and give me breakfast in bed. I got up with DD, got her stuff ready for swimming. DH asked me what was wrong and I said nothing, he insisted I tell him so I did.
I said - I was upset that as I was not going to get a lie-in tomorrow that he did not let me have one today, that as he is working all weekend he could have made some effort this morning. he said he had no money until he got paid today. I told him we had eggs and coffee, that would have been fine, I did not want caviar, just some effort. I got really upset, he got really defensive, not giving me a cuddle and saying, I am doing somethimg to make up for not being around at the weekend, he said instead that I was making him feel guilty, he has a new job, and he cant help it. I said he could make some effort today. We have not been married a year, when was he going to spoil me?
So he got upset, really upset, I apologised and said I was being selfish, and actually I was very lucky, I was just disappointed and should not take it out on him.
How he is fed up, he has gone out to do more shopping for my birthday. I told him I did not want him to, I dont want things, I would prefer we spent today, our only day off for at least another week, together, but he has gone anyway. I had asked him to cheer up before I went swimming, when I met him in town I felt so much better after a swim with DD, and he is still miserable.
He has been shopping for my present feeling guilty, not excited about present shopping, and he has dropped me at home miserable, even though I keep saying its all fine and can just enjoy each others company today?
So, my birthday is a washout, DH wont listen to me about my simple inexpensive present and spent lots of money on things I dont want. He just does not seem to get me.
And I am selfish, I should have just shut up and got on with it. Its only a bloody birthday, just another day isnt it?
There I said it was long. I dont expect people to read, I just had to get it all out.
I feel miserable, on my own with DD, and its fucking raining.
Shall I summarise then?
I wanted lie in beach, snorkel kit and dinner with my DH, I did notam not going to get it, when I vented this morning, DH now is feeling guilty, and acting as such, keeps saying he has ruined my birthday rather than doing something about it.
Not even a hug.
And even if I now do get it all, it will because I kicked and screamed and threw my toys out the pram, so it wont feel special anymore. It will be given with guilt and upset.
I am cancelling it.
I had kept it simple to avoid any stress or disappointment. I has been stressful and disappointing anyway. And I have upset my DH, and cant un-upset him. So i feel guilty too.
oh well, not that anyone is bothered, DH has just gone into work and persuaded them to let him have tomorrow off work.
Yay! Shame he still looks miserable which means I am not feeling jolly either.
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