Have run the dr and got a telephone appt on Mon...

[sadandglum]

i feel as if i am watching the world through glass

i really can't be bothered any more

everything is irritating

tried to talk to dh last night and he said i am too negative

i am tired

[BasementBear]

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. You are totally doing the right thing going to GP, hope they are understanding and helpful. Don't really know what advice to offer, other than try to do nice things for yourself over the weekend - even if it's only going for a walk by yourself or having a long soak with the door locked and no-one allowed in!!

[sadandglum]

not sure whether to tell my dh though - will he think i'm mad?

[sadandglum]

dh has just rung and had a big go at my saying i am just not right at the moment.

i have hung up on him

[loopylou6]

your doing the right thing going the docs, sounds like you could really use some treatment, unfortuantly people who have never suffered with depression/anxiety dont understand people who do and often tell themselves to just 'pull themselves together' very irritating

[sadandglum]

he is cross and says i dont talk to him

i don't know how to

i don't know what is wrong

[loopylou6]

have u told him how u feel?

[fluffyanimal]

Sadandglum, sorry to hear this. I know just what you mean about feeling like you are behind glass - that's just how I felt when I was ill with depression. it's a fairly classic symptom I believe. You need to try to make your dh understand that depression is an illness caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, not something you can change just by willing it! as for telling him about the appointment, that's up to you, but if he "thinks you're mad" ask him if he would rather you tried to do something about it, or just stayed depressed?

Good luck at the docs on Monday. let us know how you get on.

[LilRedWhiskGersingles]

sadandglum - write down how you feel. Believe me, it'll help to have a list when you speak to the doctor (at least I use one - otherwise I forget what I'm there for)

It may also be worth showing this list to your DH.

[sadandglum]

i have tried. i sent him an email telling him about the dr and how i feel numb.

a fe things have happened lately that are upsetting which he knows about.

i guess that is what has tipped me over, as it were

he eamiled back saying i can't help if you don't talk to me

what does he want me to say? he knows i am down. he knows it is more than just being upset. what else does he want to know?

[sadandglum]

i will write a list

thank you so much for responding, i feel like i am mad

[loopylou6]

tell him you need his support, tell him you feel fragile and you are going to seek help form the doctors, explain that you cant talk to him about whats wrong becasue you dont quite know yourself, just ask for his support love and understanding

[loopylou6]

oh and your not mad

[sadandglum]

thank you so so much

will let you know how i get on

[loopylou6]

your welcome, and please do

[sadandglum]

have just sent this email to dh:

"i'm sorry, i'm not meaning to upset you. but i am waiting and waiting to feel better and it's not happening. i don't know what to say to you when you tell me i have to talk about it. i thought i was talking about it.

please don't be cross with me. nothing is your fault. i just feel that i have had just about all i can cope with right now and i need to do something about it. i don't want to feel like a fragile little egg any more.

i love you. don't be mad."

hope it is ok

thank you again

[loopylou6]

thats good bet his reply is much more positive and supportive.

[fluffyanimal]

sadandglum, the "I can't help you if you don't talk to me" thing is a really typically male thing. Your dh probably does want to help and be supportive, but men typically think in the following way: there is a problem - find out what problem is - work out ways to fix it. But when it comes down to depression, you can't always explain what is wrong, or find a tangible solution (other than medication and/or counselling). And this doesn't fit with the male way of thinking. I'm sure he'll appreciate your email.

[sadandglum]

so today i feel better.

not normal, but better.

dh patently avoiding the issue.

what if i feel ok when i speak to the dr?

is it normal to be "up and down?"

will the dr fob me off if i am having an ok moment?

[sadandglum]

spoke to dr

for 3 minutes

have appt for tomorrow morning

oh help

really feel bad today too

will have to do a depression test???

[sadandglum]

am officially depressed!

have citalopram and an appt with a counsellor in a months time.

this is all good...right...?