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I have PND, I have sort help but will they take my dd from me?

(13 Posts)
bluebell82 Thu 10-Jul-08 09:47:01

I have been diagnosed with PND, it is more anxiety based, I panic that I am going to lose my daughter.

My MIL tipped me over the edge when she bought loads of things for her house such as a walker, highchair etc... rationally I know she is just trying to make my life easier but I had an overwhelming fear that she was preparing to take my dd from me.

My dad died 2 years ago from alcoholism and I cared for him for 5 years which was tough 2 months before he died I imagined his funeral and how sad I would be and then he died, I imagined my daughters funeral last week and have since been petrified that she is going to die.

Driving is a nightmare because she is in the back of the cra in a rear facing car seat and I have to stop all the time to check she hasn't died.. my dh won't let me have her in the front because he feels i would be a danger to both of us as I wouldn't concentrate on the road..

Anyway that is just a taster of how out of control I really feel, I saw my doctor on Monday who gave me AD Citrapram, and she has also referred me to a Pychiatrist and I am so frightened that they will take her from me.. will they?

I am not a danger to her at all and she is so well looked after I just think I love her too much, I can't allow anyone even my dp to help with her and no one can hld her without me having apanic attack, its all too much

lou031205 Thu 10-Jul-08 10:05:15

No, no, and no again.

Social Services have far too much on their plate with children neglected and abused to consider taking a well loved, well cared for baby from an anxious mother!

Take the ADs, see the psychiatrist, and look forward to feeling a bit more stable xx

meep Thu 10-Jul-08 10:06:50

oh bluebell - you sound like you are a lovely mum going through the overwhelming love/protection newborn thing. I felt like you - it took me all my strength not to stop the car to check dd was breathing.

I am still petrified that my dd will die - if I start to think about it I feel like I could break down. It does get easier to rationalise but I don't think the fear will evergo away.

I was never diagnosed with pnd but I wanted to reply to you and hopefully some more experienced Mnetters will be along soon.

From your post I cannot see any reason at all whay anyone woudl even think of taking your dd away from you.

Keep posting - you love your dd and that is what matters the most.

gingerninja Thu 10-Jul-08 10:08:32

You poor thing, living with that level of anxiety must be awful. What comes across in your thread is that you are a very attentive, caring person with anxiety. Not a bad mother at all so no need at all for your baby to be taken away.

I do hope you get some help.

filthymindedvixen Thu 10-Jul-08 10:13:13

I work with mums with PND - I promise you, no-one will take your baby off you. And you will get better. Just accept all the support you are offered and keep on loving your dd. Wishing you best of luck x

caitlinnjacksmummy Fri 11-Jul-08 10:29:15

Hey bluebell82, sounds t me like you have pnd possibly obsessive compulive disorder too, I had it after bth kids....but especially after I had my now 16 mnth old DS1, and believe me my thoughts were a LOT worse than yours and I was petrified thy wud take my kids if I spoke out, but got to a point where I HAD t tell the dr, was put on citalopram 2, hang in there, does work .... I too obsessed bout my DS1 dying from min I brought hm hme, but the thoughts I had changed and were horrific, I was diagnosed by psychologist with severe ocd and pnd, they also presribed diazepam for really bad mments, but wouldn't advise to go dwn this road, very hard to get off , but yr dd will NOT b takn from u so stop thinkn that, you are a brill mum, stop beating yrself up, you are ill, let me know how u get on , you will b fine grin

bluebell82 Fri 11-Jul-08 16:26:19

thnk you for all your messages. I just feel very sad inside. I want to be a great mom and I think I am but at what cost? My dh is such a wonderful but I feel like I am pushing him away, he can never do anything right.. I find I think about things that are so unlikely, for example today he came hom early from work and we too dd out in the pushchair and as soon as we got onto the main road I freaked out because he was walking on the wrong side of the pushchair and I panicked that a car would plough into us and he should be a human sheild.. I mean honestly! It is so consuming this fear, I had it before Ruby in terms of flying and being away from home.. I would have to have diazepan for flying the final straw came when I turned around very calmly on the plane going on my honeymoon and told two children sitting with their parents that we were all going to die because the plane was going to crash, the dad nearly thumped me as the kids were hysterical, both by what I said but also by the prospect that they had an 8 hour flight sitting behind a carzy woman!

Needless to say we no longer go abroad as I would panic on the plane and then spend the entire holiday worrying about coming home on the plane, I would generally cry from day 10. God my poor dh!!!

Anyway I am going to get the relevant help, just feel the most tired I have ever felt and I'm having 8 hours sleep anight! x

caitlinnjacksmummy Fri 11-Jul-08 20:41:41

Bluebell82, ths defo sounds like Ocd to me , so many things you hav sed is me, citalopram is great for it....altho the down side is that it takes while to work, so gt therapist too, n do not b scared to tell them ANYTHING or they will nt b able to fully help, trust me....anyway thats why I got diazepam in the meantime but now dr will not prscribe it,......... and I feel a dependance on it now, so in a panic not knowing what to do....xxxxx

violetsmile Thu 17-Jul-08 19:05:16

Bless you. NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER AWAY FROM YOU!!!

They really seriously, honestly do not take children away because their mum's are depressed or suffer from anxiety.

You clearly love her so much. Why ever would they take her away from such a good, caring and loving mummy? They won't!

Please continue to get help. If they really took babies away from depressed or ill mothers then half the people on here would be childless by now!

All mothers worry about their babies and I too used to be paranoid that ds would die in his sleep.

I was convinced he had something terribly wrong with him, even when I was pregnant.

I planned his and my funeral and I also used to picture a car running into the buggy when I crossed the road.

I really think it just takes a while for the hormones to calm down.

For me it calmed down although everytime he's ill I still panic. He had a temperature yesterday and my heart was pounding all day.

He's fine and I'm OK again.

If you are worrying all the time then I really think you just need to keep being honest with yourself and know when to accept help.

Have you told your dh how bad you feel? Please remember to keep talking to people. It only goes away when you can talk about it and rationalise.

Sending you hugs x

violetsmile Thu 17-Jul-08 19:06:00

Good luck!

Fou Thu 17-Jul-08 19:16:00

bluebell82, I've name changed for this thread.

I totally understand where you are comming from, and perhaps because of that am not the best person to post.

At my worst I thought DH and my mum were colluding to take DC's away from me. My plan was to go to the US with my baby. My logic being that I could at least have one child safe and with me.

Let me just say Citalopram has really helped me.I think talking things through with your GP could be of some help.

pamelat Sat 19-Jul-08 19:26:23

Hello, I dont have PND (went to see GP to "ask") but am definately anxious since the birth of my 6 month old.

Like you, I worry that my MIL is trying to take her away. I know she won't physically take her away but I worry that she will somehow try to make her love her more. I also know that this is silly though - the two ideas compete in my mind!

Some days I actually instigage taking my daughter to see people, and other days I feel like I dont want to share her - at all.

Apparently (according to my GP) these are all normal emotions of motherhood, especially the first time round.

I keep imagining me dying or her dying and crying and crying, but only once a fortnight or so and then I'm fine for a while.

I feel as though I have your feelings, but perhaps to a lesser extent, and only occasionally.

Hope you are ok x

bluebell82 Mon 21-Jul-08 15:07:43

thank you everyone for yor kind replies.

I'm going to see a therapist tmrw so hopefully i will start sorting myself out

The AD's are helping, but they are just making me feel numb, unfortunately my godfather died suddenly last week and I am upset but can't show emotion so I haven't cried which I find strange.

I've oinly had one major panic after my SIL told me they were getting married abroad and I got really anxious, can't really explain why, I think knowing that I have to spend time with MIL for a prolonged period panics me.

Pamelat- that is how I feel about MIL, its horrible and I would still cut her out of my life completely if I had a choice, poor woman hasn't done anything really. I would maybe speak to your HV though, I know my circumstances are different but the fear of dying can be all consuming and even if they are just more supportive can really make the difference.

Thank you again to everyone for kind words and support, I'm probably going to keep posting when I feel down x

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