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How can I cope with the bad days without pills???

(7 Posts)
Pheebe Tue 01-Feb-05 08:09:04

Haing read through some of the other conversations in the section I feel even more pathetic now but I've been feeling really really low the last few days. The only time I've ever felt this bad was after my first m/c. Ds is nearly 5 months old and the light of my life but I'm really struggling to come to terms with all the changes he's brought. I feel hideous for a start, my huge saggy tummy just won't shift and although I'm losing some weight I feel really deformed but worse than that on my bad days I'm starting to resent ds's clinginess. I know he needs everything from me at this stage but I just feel so drained. He sleeps well at night although he wakes early and comes in with us and has 3 or 4 half hour naps in the day which makes it really hard to get anything else done. I feel as thoguh I don't stop from the second he wakes up until the after his dream feed at 11pm. I have to work too as dh and I are both self emplyed and the works not coming back as quickly as I;d hope so on top of everything else I'm now worrying about money. I'm also starting to take things out on dh. If he doesn't read my mind and do exactly what I want him to when I want him to I compeltely shut down from him and it really really hurts him as he is truly wonderful and trys his best for us both, seeing him hurt upsets me even more. he helps out alot and I really have no room to complain. yesterday was terrible and I really felt as though they'd both be better off without me. I feel so pathetic as other people have much much more to cope with than me I just can't seem to snap myself out of it. Most days I'm fine and enjoy life and am really happy, but when its bad it's starting to get really bad. I knwo if I go to my gp he'll just suggest medication but I don't want to go down that road as mostly I'm fine. Is it just me???

Mo2 Tue 01-Feb-05 09:42:28

Pheebe
Not sure I have a lot to say other than <<big hugs>> as you do sound rather down at the moment, so I wanted to at least post something...

Your post struck a chord with me as I remember feeling exactly the same when DS1 was about 5-6 months old.

I think about this time is when you realise properly that your life has changed forever, that the baby is here to stay, and yet you haven't really fully readjusted to it - I remember getting horribly frustrated, and that sense of 'never getting anything done'.

I'm afraid my only real advice, if you possibly can, is to do only what absolutely HAS to be done and try to stop worrying about the rest.

Are you getting out and about enough - do you have a group of friends with similar aged babies? Certainly I don't know how I would have got through this stage without having something to 'aim for' each day - even if it was just a walk in the park/ coffee at someone's house etc.

Try not to be too hard on yourself about how you look too - saggy tummies do return more to normal but give yourself time - it took 9 months to get like that, so give it at least the same time to recover .

If, as you say " Most days I'm fine and enjoy life and am really happy" then it sounds as if you're doing really well. But when you've had a poor night's sleep/ felt irritable or tired it's completely normal to feel a bit low, so you're certainly not alone.

Mo2
xxx

SarahBee Tue 01-Feb-05 09:55:28

Hi Pheebe, so sorry you're feeling like this. Just want to add my contribution that it's not just you. Having babies is VERY hard work and however many times I was told that in advance, I didn't understand what hard work meant until I had one! I too had a very clingy baby who only took short naps as your ds does, a very different life before baby and to be honest just didn't enjoy that baby phase in the way that the new mother pictures show, although I would have found that very difficult to admit at the time as I loved her so desperately and felt I should enjoy her company more than I did. But it does get easier - my DD is nearly 18 months old now and I'm really starting to wish I could give up work and spend all day every day with her. She's talking, walking, more independent, less demanding and generally more "fun" to be with. Make sure you're getting time away from ds as well as time with him and that sometimes that's time for you to do nothing at all and also to play at having your old life back occasionally.

Pheebe Tue 01-Feb-05 14:05:40

Thank you both for replying. Mo2 I think you hit the nail on the head with the realisation that bubs is really here and here to stay. he goes to bed around 6.30 every evening (his decision not really mine) and I often pop in to his room just to have a peep. Last night I went in and just stared at him for about 20 minutes, he looked so peaceful I was totally overcome by the fact that this little person was here living in our house and completely trusting me and dh to care for him. It was the most wonderful, terrifying, overwhelming feeling. Until then I think to a large extent I was just on auto pilot, getting things done and not really appreciating him enough. Don't know if that makes sense??? Writing it all down on here as well helped me open up to dh last night and we both had a good cry (don't tell him I told you that We have given up alot for ds and our lives have completely changed but he's worth every bit of it. I guess I just have to remind myself of that on my bad days.

Mo2 Tue 01-Feb-05 14:57:37

Aw Pheebe - bless! (at you & DH having a good cry - probably the best thing you can do!!)

I really know how you feel.... DH and I often reminisce about the 'good old days' and wish we had done more travelling or 'lived' a bit more. However it really does get better - honest! We now have two DSs (5 & 2) and only now would I say we've accepted that we're a family of 4 and not 2 adults who happen to have 2 kids....(IYSWIM!)

We're trying really hard to do new things together as a family, rather than just get frustrated when having little ones stops us from doing what we would previously have done.

Just out of interest, what do you feel you have both given up for your DS?

Pheebe Tue 01-Feb-05 20:48:05

You know, now I think about it all the things I thought we'd 'given up' are either not important or are just on hold. I'm a few years older than dh and through my job have done alot of travelling. I've always had the feeling that I wasted alot of time before I met dh and I want to get that time back and share it with him instead (not sure if that makes sense either!). But I guess all those things we planned and wanted to do together I can now share with both my boys I feel like a totally different person today, much more positive than I've felt in ages, so so glad I posted on here and talked it all through with dh last night.

Mo2 Tue 01-Feb-05 22:32:08

Glad you're feeling so much better Pheebes! I just sneaked into DS2's bedroom to look at him asleep... and although they drive me up the wall, I wouldn't be without 'my boys (DH included!) either....

Enjoy!
Mo2

xxx

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