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stressed out with pregnancy

(14 Posts)
berolina Tue 01-Feb-05 06:49:43

Haven't posted in this section yet, and am probably being really silly. But I'm just so tired, worried and stressed.
Am 23 weeks pg - very very much wanted - after a m/c last summer. If all goes well it will be our first. But Ijust cannot get out of my head that something awful is going to happen. (Have posted about this in the pg section before). It's just literally one thing after another. Now I've got to go into a school with some students to perform a play and am stressing about slapped cheek (to which I know I'm not immune). There's no way round doing this play, in my job we have to plan our courses literally months in advance and so it was planned before I knew I was pg or even really knew about slapped cheek. Then at the beginning of term my doctor said you could get it from nappies (?!) and I read somewhere else it didn't affect the baby after 20 weeks, and so I didn't really worry about visiting the school. TBH I was too worried about m/c to think about later on anyway. However what I've read in the meantime has made me really upset. There's always something, too, not just this. This pg is just dragging on and I've noticed I've begun to find it easier to not think about it and almost imagine I'm not pg, just at the phase at which I should be enjoying it . I don't want to get emotionally detached from my baby, but I fear it's happening already. It's just an absolute nightmare. I can't stop thinking it only takes one infected pupil to sneeze on me and then I lose the baby and have to go through the whole thing again, ttc, the horrible worry about m/c in the early stages... Just want to collapse in a heap. I've got to stop because I'm off to teach now, which I'm also finding really stressful and draining - I do enjoy it but it can be so hard when the students just sit there and you're putting your heart and soul into it and seem to be getting nothing (visible) back.

misdee Tue 01-Feb-05 07:39:00

You need to see your gp about this.

i have spent a lot of this pregnancy actually in hospital, surrounded by very ill people, and my bubs is still hanging on.

Pheebe Tue 01-Feb-05 07:44:32

Hi Berolina {{{hugs}}}}} for how you're feeling, I know exactly what you mean. Before I had ds in September I had 2 mcs and an ectopic so I didn't enjoy the pregnancy at all until the last couple of weeks. I had many of the same feelings as you, some days I didn't even want to leave the house and god forbid should someone cough near me! The best advice I had was from my midwife who said if I want to stay home then I should stay home, the world won't end just because I don't go to work for a day or even a few days, there's always someone else to pick up the pieces. At this stage in your pregnancy the only people who are important are you and your baby. if you're stressed and anxious and your instincts are telling you not to do something, then don't do it. If I was you I'd talk to your gp/midwife but go with your instincts, no harm is going to come to anyone if you skip this play, there's always an alternative. Also try not to worry about becoming emotionally detached, believe it or not there's a world of difference between your bump and your baby, I found anyway, and the world changes completely the minute you have them in your arms. Good luck and {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

aloha Tue 01-Feb-05 08:28:58

Everything I understand about slapped cheek indicates that it has no effect on the foetus after 20 weeks. Even before then you would have to get infected first (extremely unlikely as you have no close contact with any children, none of whom are remotely likely to have this illness) and even IF one of the children had it and gave it to you, and you were LESS than 20 weeks pregnant, the risk of it hurting the pregnancy is around 5%. So I would say your 'risk' was zero.
But as you say, this isn't really about the parvovirus at all, but about all your grief about your previous m/c coming to the fore again in this pregnancy. Maybe talk to your GP/HV if they are sympathetic sorts. It might help just to have someone to lean on.
And what Pheebe says is true - a bump and a baby are very different things!

fisil Tue 01-Feb-05 08:36:12

berolina, good to hear from you. I have been off work for the past 2 weeks - signed off by my GP, and I am signed off for a further 2 weeks. Are you anxious about seeing your GP? How is your dp? Is he supportive? We all try to be helpful here, and I know that MN has given me loads of support, but now that I have spoken to my DP, my boss (well, a carefully selected boss!) and my GP about how I'm feeling I am finding everyone around me to be very very supportive, so please make sure you are speaking to real people too! I can't remember, are you British or German? Is the language/culture a potential difficulty? Please see your GP. If you were not worrying about slapped cheek you'd be worrying about something else (I worry about the baby - which I don't believe exists anyway - falling out of my vagina! So really when we're anxious it is not the specific worry that is important, it is the fact we're worried!). Big hugs, berolina, it sounds like you and me feel just the same right now, and it's shit, isn't it!

JoJo26 Tue 01-Feb-05 08:47:55

I know this is easier said than done but please please please try not to worry. I am at exactly the same stage in my pregnancy as you and yes I had 3 mc before this one and it has taken us over 3 years to conceive so I know the fear that you are going through at this very moment in time. I just try to keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay. You have to try and relax I look at all the positive things associated with my pregnancy and set myself little milestones to reach. Try it it really does work

berolina Tue 01-Feb-05 13:17:01

Thank you to all of you.

Just on my lunch break.
Pheebe, I'm afraid I can't miss it, we're a really small group and I'm needed to coordinate/do a couple of minor speaking bits where nobody else could be found/play the piano/run the backgrounds on PowerPoint... The students are so dedicated, I couldn't bear to make them miss it.
aloha, my gyn is very very good with accommodating medical-type worries and basically knows what I'm like, but I'm not really sure I can come at him with this. Counselling is not an option as I finished some last March because of moving and have to wait 2 years before I can have any again on insurance. Private is certainly not an option...
Hi there fisil, how are you doing? Is the time out helping? I'm trying to hang on for the next couple of weeks as this is the third last week of semester. I am so tired though. (never getting a decent unbroken night isn't helping) Because of having moved none or our friends are near us, and my lovely dh (definitely something to be grateful for ) is doing his best but has such a different mindset to me that he is finding it hard with me, bless him. Language is not a problem, although I'm British, as I speak German to near-native level. As far as culture goes - it was the German sites about slapped cheek, not the British, that really freaked me out! The priorities here re. ante-natal care are certainly different - my gyn said once, rather disparagingly, that 'the English' hardly give pg women any scans but worry them to death about listeria! Unfortunately we don't have HVs, and my MW isn't available as a contact, she just runs ante-natal courses.
JoJo, I'm sorry to hear about your losses and long ttc. Sounds like you're coping really well - lots of admiration . When's your EDD? Mine's 1st June.
misdee, how are you now?
Got to head off again. One thing I am fairly good at is getting on with things when I'm faced with them, and this morning's teaching was like that. I was just in a real state this am and don't feel much better now - but on I go (wan ). Sorry for sounding so self-pitying...

berolina Tue 01-Feb-05 18:39:53

sorry, selfishly bumping. am worried sick

fisil Wed 02-Feb-05 17:15:57

How did it go today Berolina?

cori Wed 02-Feb-05 18:07:53

I hope you are feeling better Berolina. I have to say that I am a known hypochrondriac and if I can find something to worry about I will. I had a miscarriage before DS , and went through most of that pregnancy convinced I had, or he had one thing or another that was going to end in dire consequences.
I went 2 weeks overdue, during that time I almost entirely refused to talk to any of my friends about the baby or being pregnant. It was dragging on for so long. I actually once said one fried at 40 weeks. 'i am not pregnant, I am not having a baby' I just didnt want to talk about it anymore. All turned out well, in the long run DS was a healthy ,strong baby and was perfect in every way.
By the way I have never heard of 'slapped cheek syndrome'. Is there something new to worry about which I havent heard of?

misdee Wed 02-Feb-05 18:34:52

berolina, it isnt me who is sick, its my dh so i spend a lot of time visiting. i say you need to speak to your gp as i know this isnt the 1st time u have had these fears, and you have been woprrying a heck of a lot during this pregnancy.

hope today went without a hitch and you're ok.

berolina Wed 02-Feb-05 21:25:11

Hi there.
misdee, sorry for the misunderstanding - I have in the meantime found your thread. Sorry to hear about your dh, how is he?
cori, slapped cheek was discovered relatively recently - it is a usually very mild disease which can cause a rash with a 'slapped cheek' appearance (hence the name) and can increase the risk of m/c or hydrops (anaemia) in the foetus. Over 50% of people have already had it though (and so are immune)and the risk is numerically pretty small. So, in the scale of things, not really to be put top of anyone's worry list - but I am worrying anyway .
The play went fine and I didn't really have prolonged contact with any kids. We got back this afternoon and I went to the loo and (sorry TMI) a big lump of mucus came out. Rang the doc and he advised me to pop down in case it was the plug. Turns out it wasn't [relief emoticon], but he reckons my cervix is softer and shorter than ideal and thinks I'm probably standing/rushing around too much (too right) and has signed me off work as a precaution. I have to elevate my feet and lie down flat a lot. I'm not thrilled about being signed off as I keep thinking of the students and that I'm letting them down - but of course baby is my priority. So fisil, you and I are in a similar boat now... How are you today BTW?

fisil Thu 03-Feb-05 15:31:22

Hi Berolina. I am sooo relieved you have been signed off - you need to put your feet up and relax. On my first day off I had a long long session on Amazon and have been reading at a rate of 2 days per novel! I also bought some knitting today - a blanket for the baby! I'm having a really good day today, my first one this week! I've no idea what has made it into a good day, or what made the others bad days. Hope everything is OK - the not-plug must have been scary!

berolina Fri 04-Feb-05 10:44:19

Morning fisil. Glad you've had a good day!
Yesterday was nice for me as well - I set some stuff for the students to do and mailed it to uni, so I don't have to worry aout that for the time being, and spent a lot of time dosing and lying around. Baby had several phases during which he kicked the s**t out of me - I've never felt him kick so hard. Today he's quiet though, and this morning I read something that particularly hard kicks could mean fetal distress - so now I'm waiting for him to move and worrying all over again. It never stops, does it? Oh well, I'll see how I go.

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