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I've got nothing left to give.

(9 Posts)
colditzmum Mon 31-Jan-05 23:36:52

I know you all can't help, but I need to rant.

I am a care worker, I work with people with short termmemory loss and alziemers. I get up at 8 in the morning, and walk into town with my toddler to get the shopping and go to the park if the weather is good, We then go home. At 3:15pm my dp comes home from work, and I immediatly go to work until around 9pm.

This really doesn't sound bad, but I feel so streched, and when I get home my partner is demanding my attention for boring things that he has downloaded off the net, and I know I should give him more of my time, but I can't. I just can't.

I am starting to hate my job, and I am starting to resent my partner. It seems like everyone wants a piece of me, I really feel, well, spread out.

I am supposed to be doing 3 courses at work and I just can't do it. I can't concentrate for more than 15 seconds, I can't direct my atention at all. I spend most days about 1 cm from floods of tears and I can't remember what I am supposed to be doing from one minute to the next.

I am dreading what is going to happen when my course assessers find out I haven't done any thing since before christmas, I will probably get charged £500 each if I get kicked off the courses, but how can I tell them my brain has turned to fuzz?

I feel so pulled by so many people that I am starting to hate physical contact from anyone except my son. When adults touch me it is making me feel really mithered and i want to move away. I am not normally like this.

Sorry it's such a long post, Don't worry if you've got nothing to say.

It all sounds SO selfish when it is doen in black and white, please don't hate me for it

HunkerMunker Mon 31-Jan-05 23:44:47

Don't hate you, CM, but do understand.

You need some 'me' time - is there any way you can take some time off work, but tell your DH that you're using the time to do things for you? Then you could take a couple of days where you used work time to do things for you (long bath, massage, stare at a blank wall, MN )

I have days where I feel similar (I work Sundays and Wednesday evenings and DH goes to college on Monday nights) - I was going to go to bed early tonight (think lack of sleep contributes a lot to feeling stretched) but DS didn't go down till 10pm (teething) when DH had only just got in from college and I needed to eat still. Going very soon though

Hugs hun - I know it's hard. xxxxxx

colditzmum Mon 31-Jan-05 23:48:15

Thanx x

Feel awful for moaning when there is nothing actually wrong.

Gwenick Mon 31-Jan-05 23:54:09

Of course there's something 'wrong' colditz - you sound really stressed and very low. Which isn't good for your health or any of the people you work with.

Do you HAVE to go out every morning, any chance of sometimes just vegging at home in front of the video with your Toddler, or even someone taking the toddler off your hands for an hour or so - even if it's only once a week. If you don't 'know' anyone that could do it, perhaps nursery one morning a week (if affordable) - so that you could spend some 'you' time.

You need to tell you DH how tired you are, explain that you'd love to look at the stuff he's downloaded, but what you really need to do to be able to 'apprecaite' it is to be able to have a nice relaxing bath, have a little 'me' time and THEN he can show you the stuff.

I really hope you can find a way of finding some 'you' time as otherwise you're going to make yourself ill

HunkerMunker Tue 01-Feb-05 14:24:41

CM, how are you today hun?

Buki Tue 01-Feb-05 22:37:01

this is just an idea, i write a list of things that im going to have to do whether i like it or not, really break it down, to little things, then tick them off when completed and add anything that you do extra. I find this helps me see and others if the paper is left around that i am doing a lot and helps me focus on somethings and pointing me in the right direction of doing what I know I should be able to do. Its the weather, youll pull through this dull patch, i know you will

Cardigan Tue 01-Feb-05 22:42:49

Talk to your course leaders - tell them the situation. They should work something out that suits you. You'll feel better when this preassure is sorted out. Could you have a day off just for you - to do you own thing?

unicorn Tue 01-Feb-05 22:47:13

You need some {{{{{ hugs}}}}}

Yes you are right, you are being stretched too much - something has to give, and it shouldn't be you.

I think you probably know better than any of us the changes that are needed.

You are not remotely selfish to want to get things sorted, and, good on you for being so honest....

I am sure you will be ok - you have taken the first step (cliche yuk!!apologies!!) but you sound quite clear to me.

{{{{ more hugs}}}}}

+ be true to what you think/believe.

(nearly quoted yazz then ( the only way is up).. please if you see me do that on a thread have me deleted!!!)

anorak Tue 01-Feb-05 23:23:57

Whatever happens you shouldn't go on like this any longer. If you need evidence that you can't keep up with your course go to your GP and I'm sure he/she will give you the corroboration you need to convince them to give you more time.

I think the suggestion of a few hours off from your toddler is an excellent one. A childminder for a few hours a week could give you time to catch up your studies and more importantly time to relax and recharge like everyone else does.

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