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depressed husband who has left

(11 Posts)
juliec26 Mon 23-Jun-08 21:04:07

hi- my husband left me yesterday and we have a 2 year old little girl and I am completey deversated - he says he is having a nervous breakdown - he has a very stress full job own his own estate agent, which is suffering in the current climate - he swears and promises me there is no one else and I do really believe that, but I am soo scared and cant stop crying and feeling sick and desperate to see him - he says he loves me, but not sure how he does and that he needs time to think about stuff as he doesnt now how he feels - We have a very trying little girl and he finds her very stressful - any advice? x

lucyellensmum Mon 23-Jun-08 21:25:40

oh julie, i feel for you i really do. My DD is the same age and she is such hard work. When we are stressed because of money, she can often be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak. Is your DH getting any medical help? He really really needs to be. I am on ADs and they do help me put things into perspective.

I know someone who had a complete nervous breakdown and he became a different person. Please don't take all your DH actions personally. He likely wants to get away from all the stress, and im sorry to say that he puts you in that category. As much as he loves you his illness wont let him differentiate.

If you possibly can, please persuade him to to see his doctor, he might be able to secure some counselling for himself and then possibly with you. Depression and mental illness is very scary for everyone involved.

Im sorry i dont have any more advice but didnt want you to be unanswered.

juliec26 Mon 23-Jun-08 21:43:44

thank you so much for you reply - just helps knowing people have advice as any advice is a great help- I know he is going through a hard time, bu I feel so in limbo and want to help him, but he says he needs to be on his own right now. its totally heartbreaking and finding the energy to cope with my dd is so hard - I told him it is nothing to be ashamed of and I will always support him and that he needs to take some form of medication or talk to someone, but at the moment he just wants to be left alone!

lucyellensmum Tue 24-Jun-08 20:57:16

How are you today Julie?

Tortington Thu 26-Jun-08 14:32:12

i thik you should stop beggin and tell him that you need head space too, if he goes not to automatically expect there to be room at home for him anymore

or say " here you have the kid - i want some space"

littlewoman Fri 27-Jun-08 10:30:24

Agree, Custardo. It's very selfish of him not to consider your feelings in amongst his woes about himself, Julie. He might need some space, but he also needs help, and he should be seeking it actively, via the doctor and counselling, not burying his head in the sand. That is just so unfair on you. Are you supposed to have nerves of steel? (Sorry, don't mean to nag you).

LAUGHLOTS Thu 03-Jul-08 15:33:32

HELLO juliec26.. hows things going with you? have you seen or spoken to yr dh yet?

gingan Sat 05-Jul-08 00:13:00

Hi Julie

DH1 suffered depression, eventually we split up when our son was 2.

Your DH, if he is depressed, doesn't mean to be selfish, he just can't see or deal with anyone else's pain because all he can see is his own.

I found it helped a bit to think at least my child was not being exposed to tears and rows every day after DH1 left. DS is now 13 and sees his Dad a lot although I still have to monitor it cos DH1 can be so negative and critical.

Can you get any help with DD, like playgroup or grandparents, etc? Sounds like you need a break now and then or you will also struggle to cope.
Sending love

LAUGHLOTS Mon 14-Jul-08 22:23:39

how are things julie?

StressTeddy Mon 14-Jul-08 22:28:04

I'm sorry but I don't feel his pain - you BOTH have a child and he needs to suck it up and help you out. He may be having a difficult time but hey ho we all have shitty lives at times. Where has he gone? When will you see him again? What have you told your daughter?

I really don't mean to sound unsympathetic - I just don't want all of his shit to land on you
Love to you my darling and hope you are ok

beener01 Sun 27-Jul-08 00:23:09

Hi there

My husband has left 7.5 weeks ago. knocked me for 6. Been married for 18 years and all of a sudden he lands me with this. I knew he had been feeling a bit down but never expected this to happen. He is crying all the time, says that he doesn't know if he loves me and that he feels worthless. Nothing I do or say seems to help and I feel i may be adding to his stress because I feel so angry that he has left. Up to now we have been the perfect couple, he is my soul mate and I feel i may be shortly joining him for counselling. the meds he is taking are taking a while to kick in but I am assured by the dr that he will feel better soon. I am so hoping so, i love him so much I can't bear to see him in so much pain. Any advice would be so helpful.

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