dont know what to do

[nowayout]

have had pnd depression for 18 months, no better after 4 lots of different ad's, have a cpn, and homestart 'helper' coming round...had my first hour away from dd on tues in 16 months and estranged mam has agreed to have dd once a week while shes asleep so me and dp can go to gym/swimming whatever...
but i fel so so down, crying all the time, snapping, shouting at dd, cant 'control her' even though she's normally good, she's either playing me up or im not handling her well...i dont want to do anything other than sleep or sit on here when dd is craving my attention, dont get dressed most days until dp due in and have no interest in anything..me and dp either argue or dont talk, i feel we have grown so far apart, but dont know where to begin to sort anyhting out.
i feel swamped and everything is spiralling out of control.
im not after sympathy..dont know what i want, i just want to feel normal again, but how do i start?

[kernowcat]

Theres alot of support here it helps so much I feel like you alot of days. Use the support around you and when you do have time for the two of you try to do something you will enjoy and maybe will make you laugh?
I found when mine we're younger if it was all getting too much I put them in the pram and go for a walk, it's hard to be cross with your child in public and the fresh air used to calm me to.
Sorry its not much help but just know your not alone.

[Evesmama]

thanks, did that this morning, was going to stay in as dd been wingy(or me being ratty?), but had to go for dd's dry skin cream, so made myself an app and asked doc to sort out ad's, he's changed them again! i just dont know when ill feel like me again, if i ever will. i feel like im living in a bubble and really dont feel like doing anything

[kernowcat]

Have so many mums always felt like this do you think?
It helps to know I'm not alone, is there anyone for our DPs to talk to I know mine is getting fed up with my moods and says he doesn't know which girl he is going to come home to. Maybe if he could talk to other DPs it would help him to know hes not alone either????

[munnzieb]

you alright there hon?

[ebbie22]

I havent got much understanding of how you are feeling,but my sister suffers from depression and i know its not as simple as just getting on your coat and going out....My heart goes out to you as i understand the way you must be feeling
Did you ever feel down before you had your children?

[kernowcat]

Dps away on business this week and we've not spoken since Sunday.I know he's busy and probably just enjoying the peace and calm!

[sozie]

I haven't experienced pnd but I can remember having low days when both of mine were little especially over the winter months. It is easy to fall into a pattern of not getting dressed till dinner time, if at all, in the winter without having pnd to cope with. I used to plan something for every day to make me get up and out, dressed but maybe not washed sometimes. At least we were out for a bit of the day and it didn't seem so long till dh came home and the children enjoyed themselves. I hope thing improve for you soon

[munnzieb]

KC - just stay focused on when he comes back in the door, and the nice evening you'll ahve together, (if the children go to bed early!)

[redsky]

anyone suffering depression has my sympathy. I've been on and off ADs fro 10 years - my current ones are working really well. But I know how helpless you can feel and isolated - so keep chatting here and I am sure you'll get some good advice.

[kernowcat]

Going to cook special tea just for us and give him a hug when he comes in, just hope he's reponsive.We usually talk and text everyday.

[ebbie22]

where abouts do u live?

[kernowcat]

who me? I don't want to hijacked nowayouts' thread.

[ebbie22]

no sorry it was meant for nowayout,but hell go on then ...lol.

[nowayout]

sorry, cpn just turned up unexpected and had a good talk..i live in teesside, i did get depressed sometimes before dd born because of my abusive childhood, but today i feel at a real low, just sat and cried most of the time cpn here.

[nowayout]

hi munzie, yeah ill be ok i hope, just feeling worse for wear at min(hense the fact i cant post under my alias properly)

[munnzieb]

whispers what's cpn?

[nowayout]

community phychiatric nurse

[bundle]

community psychiatric nurse

[munnzieb]

oh right ok then, right, well grab a cuppa hon, cos for the next 10 mins, we're gonna sit here and have a good olde chat. and if you wanna cry you go right ahead, cos i've got more chocs here than whats' good for me, so i'll grab mine and then we'll have a good cry together, (DH has just gone back again)

[nowayout]

hope you had a good time with him at home?
will be of and on as dd wants me to play with her farm and im doing her tea.

[munnzieb]

her farm? hmmm ok then! lol. it was nice yes, any how, do u want some of this choc or not!?? how r things in general ur end?

[nowayout]

crap
have to pop of with dd, be back tonight prob.xx

[nowayout]

are you around munzie?

thanks to everyone today, felt a little better after talking to cpn, will have to take one day at a time

[Evesmama]

started new ad's yest, am hoping they kick in soon.thanks for everyones concern yest, will return the favour sometime when any of you need it

[munnzieb]

sorry hon, I missed you, was chiling out after getting up at 4.30 am to drop DH off in Cardiff. How are things today?