when will i feel normal again?

[Titania]

I keep waking up between 2 and 3am every morning and can't get back to sleep. I am totally drained. I feel sick and heady all the time. I try to stick to my strict housework regime as I feel better once its all done. I can't rest til it is. I have to do set things everyday. I am on 20mg cipralex and 2mg diazepam. The diazepam doesn't make me feel any different. I still get panic attacks. I just want to feel normal again

[Carla]

Titania. I know what you mean about feeling better with a tidy house - you kind of feel more in control of things. Which is probably why I feel so sh**e at the moment!

How long have you been taking them?

Big hugs
XXXXX

[Titania]

I was on them a few months ago but forgot to go back over christmas and we moved house as well. I went back last week and she said to take 10mg for hte first 7 days then 20mg. Been taking 20mg for 2 days now. I HAVE to do the housework. Its the only thing I feel in control of at the moment.

[Titania]

Am on a bit of a downer today. I know I don't fit in around here. Everyones got their own mates and do their own thing. Without me. I'm so so so tired. DH is working more than ever as he has a deadline to keep. Days are so long and lonely, even with the children around (bad bad mummy) ds2 is in bed now. dd is at nursery til 11.20 (reluctantly....theres always tears lately). ds1 is at school. Sometimes I feel that there must be more to life than this, but then I am also scared to go and look. I want to do something exciting and different but then some days, like today, I am too tired or haven't got the time. DH is working all weekend....again....Not sure what I am going to do with the kids. Can't really go anywhere. I just don't feel any better about anything... Sorry.....rant over

[starlover]

titania... the only advice I can give you is stick with the meds. as i am sure you know they take a few weeks to kick in sometimes.. but hopefully once they do you will feel a bit better.
talk to your gp about your sleeping, perhaps they can give you something a bit stronger to help you sleep all night... at least that would let you rest, because being tired just makes it all worse.

Do you go to any local playgroups/soft play/mother and toddler group type things?
it might help if you can get out of the house and talk to grown ups (talking to kids all day gets a bit tiring!) and it'd give you a break from the kids a bit as well.

can i ask what area you're in?

[Titania]

there are 2 m&t groups but they are all so clicky and everytime I have been I get pushed out. I live in quite a rural location and I don't drive. My time is taken up tooing and froing school. I wouldn't have time to travel anywhere. I'm in Shropshire

[starlover]

that's a shame about your local m&t groups
how about posting on the meet-ups bit on here?
I had a quick look but didn't see shropshire there... so you could start one up!
perhaps you should learn to drive! at least it'd get you out of the house for a bit, and you'd have the added bonus of being able to get out and about a bit better when it was all over...

[Titania]

god why cant i sleep??? i took a diazepam before bed cos i started panicking about not sleeping. I thought maybe it might help me relax enough to sleep as well.........wrong. I've been awake since 1.30 and I am totally wrecked already. DH has gone to work and ds1 has woken up totally full of a cold, so I daresay we will all be in for it. I feel sick and nervy at the thought of having to be on my own with them all all day.

ds2 is still teething BIG time. dds being good so far, which is a blessing as she can be difficult when she wants to (well...can't they all???)

The place is a mess. I haven't cleaned my kitchen or anything yet. I am so so tired. There is nothing I want to or can be bothered to do. I just want to curl up on the sofa under my duvet and hide but I can't

SIGH oh well.......here goes another day......same as usual......

[Carla]

Titania,

How about getting them dressed and taking a bus to somewhere - shops/shopping centre? It will get you out of the house, they'll be interested in shop windows etc and you might even find something you can treat yourself to. My two like nothing better than a new shopping centre, and if it takes a long bus ride to get there, so be it. There's nothing worse, I know, than a Saturday when you have to be the main entertainer, and haven't a clue what to do.

How old are you children, btw? Is one of them at playgroup yet, and if so, could the mess not wait until Monday when you have just the one to cope with?

I know what you mean about M&B groups - I never got on with them. I found that just by virtue of us all having erm, babies, it didn't necessarily mean that we had anything else in common.

Post back soon
XXXXX

[Carla]

PS we have a 6ft kitchen table, and due to my inabilaty to declutter we have about 2ft of usable space on it . Come round here sometime - you'll feel immediately better

[Titania]

I cant go out without the puppy as she barks all the time we are out. My kids are 5, 3 and 11 months. I can't manage all of them on the bus or train. I don't think the puppy would do too well coming with us anyway. Got ds1 and dd dressed so far and stuck some washing on but thats about it. Feel so weak.....

[Titania]

ds1 is at school full time and dd goes nursery every morning. It can't wait til then, DH doesnt like it being a mess and tries to tidy it himself......but makes more of a mess cos i dont know where anything is......

[Carla]

Bloody hell Titania! That lot would try anyone! Are you completely rural then, and how long have you been where you are?

[Titania]

yes i am. very small town/village typr place. Been here 6 and a half years. Moved here to be with DH. Im a city girl at heart

[Carla]

Titania,

Could you email me at carla(dot)bramble(at)ntlworld(dot)com??

Soonish?

XXXX

[Titania]

done

[Carla]

Still haven't got it

[Titania]

have you got msn or yahoo messenger?

[Carla]

Got MSN but I've never used it - tell me what to do asap!

[Titania]

whats you MSN username? i will add you to my list and you will get an accept/deline thing through from me

[Titania]

ive added you to my MSN list but it says you arent online. sign into your msn....

[Carla]

Oh F Titania I can't find it. Will post when I get back (V. cross dh) cos we're late. Take careXXXXXXX

[Titania]

ok.

[Titania]

i feel so heady and sick. I need sleep.

[Titania]

another bad night. I went to bed at 9 and conked out straight away. DH sat watching the telly in the bedroom and I didn't hear a thing. Til 12.25 that is, wehn ds2 woke up. Then that set the puppy off so she was whining half the night. I totally give up. I feel like a walking zombie with a constant headache. DH is at work again today. He left at 7 so I had to get up then as all the kids were up then anyway. I feel so lousy....

[vict17]

Titania sorry to hear things are bad for you. Just a couple ofsuggestions. Perahps the puppy is not a very good idea with 3 kids of that age? How would you feel giving him up if it's topping you going out of the house? Could you perhaps talk to dh about moving nearer to civilisation/family if it's making you so unhappy? Good luck with the AD's - hope they start working soon