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feeling lonely in this world of nappies !!!

(24 Posts)
jumpingbean Tue 18-Jan-05 12:44:57

Hi there,just joined a first timer ,haha. Feeling a little lonely, the rest of the family are @ school, hubby 2 (teacher).Baby in bed, day time tv starting to lose its appeal..How many recipes can a girl have....

CherryEm Tue 18-Jan-05 13:38:02

No how you feel only completely different situation. My partner was unemployed when I became pregnant (I'm only 20) while i was doing my degree at uni. I've had to give up for a while but he's at college learning and having a great laugh. He even has my mum to talk to more than i do (she's a lecturer at the college) feel like everyone's away getting on with things while my brain cells deplete! Thankfully i have happy content baby or god knows where i'd be. Trisha is my friend for now!!!

Chandra Tue 18-Jan-05 13:41:53

or mumsnet! the only adult conversation I get, sometimes, for weeks

littlemissbossy Tue 18-Jan-05 13:42:59

yes I agree, the joy of mumsnet, don't need to leave the house now
it's very addictive though

CherryEm Tue 18-Jan-05 13:45:54

Sure is. I just stumbled across this while in the midst of sorting out Nursery/place to live for going back to uni. those days seem so far away i dont know how i'll make the transition back to adult stuff!

Lonelymum Tue 18-Jan-05 13:52:35

Switch the tv off that is my advice. I find the most soul destroying thing about being a SAHM is watching endless makeover programmes. A book or some music of your choice is better than watching that drivel.

Sorry you are feeling this way. It isn't surprising though. Being at home is very lonely and boring at times. Any chance of getting out of the house to meet other people?

CherryEm Tue 18-Jan-05 13:59:17

I've joined a meet up. seeing some other mums next wednesday. scary - i'm basically forcing myself out there. reckon i have touch of PND and mega low confidence. Normal people my age dont seem to appreciate chat about babies and as i've not been out talking i hav nothing else to talk about! Catch 22. My friends have totally abandoned me. Even my best friend who is emily's proper aunty. Horrible mother-in-law who goes out and gets drunk all the time so zilch chance of babysitter. my mum works way to hard and is just getting back into living her life since my dad died. Its driving a wedge between my fiance and i cos i resent his freedom. Aaaah! sorry had to get that off my chest

scaltygirl Tue 18-Jan-05 14:03:00

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fisil Tue 18-Jan-05 14:07:54

I set myself a reading target every day. I would look at the total pages in a novel, divide by 5 and set myself the target to read that many pages a day. That way I got through at least a book a week, and the challenge of completing my daily target helped me make the "flop in front of daytime TV or read?" choice. After saying that, I did end my maternity leave with mild PND and in counselling!

CherryEm Tue 18-Jan-05 14:22:15

I'm rambling here sorry. its the only chance i get, you dont have to read it. I'm trying hard to keep up reading (I'm an english student!) but sometimes i'm so knackered. I have piles of housework and a clever baby always wanting stimulation. Not used to this time management business. Loads and loads of washing (I wash for 3 adults and 6mth baby) a mucky kitchen (mucked up by everyone the night before) a bedroom where things get dumped by my partner. So much to do. But still want to fit in - days out, quality time with Emily, housework study and leisure (I.e. reading etc.) My fiance does her bath/bottle/bed routine. but i'm usually catching up with stuff at that point then its time with him. Phew. How do you do it?? advice.

Lonelymum Tue 18-Jan-05 18:37:53

All I can say CherryEm (and you won't want to read this!) is that I cope with the tasks by not having an outside life (or hardly any - I am treasurer for my local playgroup, but that only takes up 30ish minutes a week, plus the occasional committee meeting.)

I am not in the same position as you though: I have a husband and four children to care for and they and the house do seem to take up most of my time. I have some long term interests that I never get a chance to pursue so that is how I know I am occupied full-time with the family. I am hoping that as they get older, I will be able to return to them, and hopefully work too.

It is hard for you because you are only 20 and haven't had much of a chance at living your life. My first child didn't come until I was 31 so I had years of working, socialising, etc. On the other hand, by the time you are my age(40) your children will be grown up, or nearly so - are you planning any more?!! You will have more time to live and enjoy yourself then. I know that is not what you want to hear, but I don't have any magic solution for being bored and lonely at home. Just wanted you to know, there are others out there who feel the same, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is very long!

jangly Tue 18-Jan-05 18:46:37

I think its quite a good idea to draw up a jobs list first thing and then try and stick to it (if baby will let you!) Be realistic though - don't put too many jobs on the list, and draw a definite line where you finish!

Lonelymum Tue 18-Jan-05 18:51:14

Yes I do that jangly. I have a list of jobs to do each day, I mean regular things like change the sheets, clean the bathroom, etc. Then make occasional lists of occasional tasks, especially small things which are easy to complete so I have a nice long list all ticked off by the end of the day. There is a certain satisfactio in seeing things ticked off a list.

jangly Tue 18-Jan-05 18:59:29

Oooh yes!

jumpingbean Tue 18-Jan-05 19:48:04

Ah there is life beyond the nappies , think the reading sounds a great idea,never did read enough even before the baby was born.Its comforting to know that there other mums who feel the same way , can be very lonely- motherhood.My hubby keeps telling me I'm lucky to be @ home with baby,to an extent ,yes.My friends too have disappeared, its like I don't exsist.

Lonelymum Tue 18-Jan-05 19:50:37

That's common too. You wait until they get pregnant, then they'll all be banging on your door! I remember a friend of mine ringing up once when I hadn't heard from her virtually in years. I knew she was pregnant before she even told me! The nice thing is, if you can forgive them for ignoring you when you had your baby alone, you can renew some fun friendships.

jumpingbean Tue 18-Jan-05 20:19:38

A few of my friends are older and have had their families . The strangest comment came from one of my closest friends , when I was unable to socialise one evening she then asked was I about to 'go all house wifey ' on her !!!If you refuse an invition your boring, if your out on the tiles every weekend your a bad mother.

jumpingbean Tue 18-Jan-05 20:20:53

invitation that was ....

Socci Tue 18-Jan-05 20:22:40

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Mommy2Ro Tue 18-Jan-05 20:26:14

JumpingBean. You're def not alone. DD is 14 mos and I am still figuring this thing out. Feel lucky to be able to stay home w her, but miss the 'real world.' Have found playgroups, classes etc a godsend. I force myself to plan something for every week day, even if it's just going to the park with her. HTH. Hang in there!

jumpingbean Tue 18-Jan-05 21:15:39

The one time I get to converse with other parents and baby decides to wake mid-evening ... says it all really......

CherryEm Wed 19-Jan-05 13:54:09

to be honest i feel alot better even just typing it out to people who understand what im going throiugh. i guess i should stop seeing the whole thing as a chore and like i'm "missing out" and instead we should feel proud of what we do for our kids and happy to have the quality time we'll miss when their older! I'm just really bad at organising. I have my baby things routine down to a T. its the rest i have to work on i.e. doing a bit everyday instead of letting tasks pile up. I disagree that you have to give up on your own life. i reckon you just need to adapt it. Find groups for mum's and kids. Go for walks even window shopping - you inevitably get chatting to someone. I was just really overwhelmed by the fact that I am 100% responsible for the life of another human being. Even when my partner takes to do with her, he's always asking me things or double checking, or doing daft things i have to keep an eye on (he wreckons as long as she's laughing he should keep tickling, even after tea, which inevitably ends up a clean -up operation!)
So i think if you get out there and find yourself a support network (my problems a lack of confidence to do it) then life can be just as fun and sociable. Also I will finish my degree so Emily has a comfy future.

KathH Wed 19-Jan-05 15:21:52

hi - i know how you feel. i have a 16 wk ds, 6 yr old ds, 8 yr old dd and 12 yr old dd and 42 ds woops mean dh of course. its really quiet in the day time - just me and baby and then all hell breaks loose in the evening. i've decided that daytime tv is rotting my brain so i have a rota, 1 day i go to my mums and pester her, 1 day have a really big tidy up, 1 day i go window shopping, etc. it makes the time go quicker but mainly i've decided i am going to enjoy my baby - the time has gone so quick with the other kids, one minute they were babies now they don't want to know me! and of course there's mumsnet!

jumpingbean Wed 19-Jan-05 15:53:53

CherryEm, keep working for that degree, that one thing I didn't have the confidence to do and regret it now.Your little one will grow up so quickley , and its true the older they get the less they want to know you, my ten yr old has just come in from school and disappeared again to his friends...pre-teenager...At least when their babies they don't answer back.

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