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Ive got pnd and panic, 4 kids inc 5 month baby and im pregnant again!!!!!

(48 Posts)
Spacecadetiscomingtotown Fri 17-Dec-04 09:21:01

I found out yesterday that I was pregnant again, just 5 months after giving birth to dd2, I know what you are all thinking, how could she be so stupid? well im thinking it too!.no it wasnt planned and my brain has scrambled, just sold the pram on saturday, dh was going to go and have the snip after xmas.im recovering from pnd and at the mo im on anti-bs for a suspected ear infection.cant get a docs appt today, earliest is monday, have stopped the anti-bs, omg! what have I done, what will I do, will my depression get worse? what will happen afterwards/i would never have considered another baby, yet and even never after 4.It is completely the wrong time, yet I will not consisder a termination, advice please?

moondog Fri 17-Dec-04 09:32:06

Oh my Goodness Spacecadet!! Noone would deny that you have an awful lot on your plate.
If you won't consider a termination, then surely the die is cast as it were!!??

My very best to you and your family XXXXX

Spacecadetiscomingtotown Fri 17-Dec-04 09:39:19

Dh doesnt want it ...

Enideepmidwinter Fri 17-Dec-04 09:45:33

oh spacecadet, I thought I had a lot on my plate until I read this. You poor poor thing you must be feeling totally broadsided.

lots of love and you know you'll get lots of support on here, x E

Titania Fri 17-Dec-04 09:51:24

at the end of the day, only you can make a decision that is right for you. Your DH might come round soon........probably a shock for him too. I'm here if you need me for anything hun. You take care. x x x

spikeycat Fri 17-Dec-04 09:56:49

spacecadet, I got pregnant when ds1 one was 5 months old (yes, same as you it wasn't entirley planned) and although they don't live here full time I have two sd's who come every weekend and school holiday. Our house wasn't big enough, I had just given up my job to spend time with ds1 (taken voluntary redundancy) and then got told dp was being made redundant.

All in all the shit was hitting the fan.

A year or so on, we are in a new bigger and nicer house, dp got a bigger and better job that came with a nice flash car and we have the absolute joy of ds2, who is a total pleasure and such a happy baby (compared to his brother, who did nothing but cry) and I have got myself a little job in the afternoons.

So, although it seems terrible, I know how your feeling but things usually happen for a reason, and i really wouldn't be without ds2 now

ladyrobinredbreast Fri 17-Dec-04 09:58:28

Honey no one is thinking you were stupid these things happen my ds2 was eight months when i got pg again..it was a shock to both of us as well.
Your dh is probably in shock right now so i wouldnt get upset he probably didnt mean what he said.

take care love <<<<<hugs>>>>>>

StuffTheMagicTurkey Fri 17-Dec-04 10:18:58

Crikey, only just seen this sc!

No way are you stupid. Unexpected things happen.

(((hugs))) to you.

SantaClausfrau Fri 17-Dec-04 10:20:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littledonkeyrach Fri 17-Dec-04 10:30:03

big hugs to you, you aren't stupid at all.xxx

feastofstevenmom Fri 17-Dec-04 12:41:14

SC - nope, noone thinks you are stupid. let she who has never ever taken a teensy weensy risk with contraception cast the first stone....

presumably you have checked out what it says in your BNF about the anti-bs and PG?? can't honestly say how being PG will affect the depression - hopefully the PG hormones will help lift the depression a little - but there's no magic answer. All you can do is do more of the things that help you, and keep as close an eye as you can on how you are feeling, and chat to GP/HV/Counsellor (whoever is most sympathetic) about what to do if your depression gets worse. In terms of what to do after the birth - is there any way you could afford a cleaner/babysitter/mother's help - i.e. someone that could give you a bit of time and space to deal with the little one. Have you looked into Homestart at all - not sure how much practical help they give, rather than buddying tho.

DH will have had an almighty shock find out you were PG - hopefully he will come round sooner rather than later - as you really do need plenty of support from him. take care x

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas Fri 17-Dec-04 12:50:30

Congratulations on the pregnancy Spacecadet if that is the right thing to say. It must be a shock for you and dh, but give yourself time for the news to sink in before you worry yourself with what to do. Try to see the bright side of this: you are in a stable relationship, you already have children so you must have most of the things needed for a baby (pram aside!), you are clearly in a loving relationship... Will one more baby make so much difference to your life already? Probably you haven't done any damage taking the AB's and I hope the depression can be managed for you. Try to take a deep breath and look at the situation calmly. Sometimes things happen to us which we would not have wanted to happen. There is nothing you can do to prevent this. The key to surviving it is to stay calm and
united with dh and try to see the solution. Best of luck.

saintlysecur Fri 17-Dec-04 12:52:29

Wow, monumentous stuff! Sorry you have found yourself in a position you are finding difficult. Just to give you a bit of something brighter-I had PND with Dd2 (very severe) and it has never come back with ds or dd3, Just because you have had it does not mean you will get it again.

I have 4 too, dh wants another -I am not sure, but not totally closed to the idea.

Flumberrysauce Fri 17-Dec-04 12:52:55

Blimey!! Well sieze the day. If termination not for you then destiny has its way. Maybe the pregnancy happy hormones will help the PND and with two babies in house you ain't gonna have time for it!!

Spacecadetiscomingtotown Fri 17-Dec-04 13:40:24

Thankyou to everyone for your lovely messages so far, at the mo I cant think straight my head is in a whirl!

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas Fri 17-Dec-04 14:48:49

Exactly. Give yourself time to come to terms with this.

yuletide Fri 17-Dec-04 15:23:02

Hi your not stupid at all !!

I doubled my family by having twins. I was in shock for a while, i had 4 children under the age of 4yrs and felt very low at the times. One of the worse things for me was other peoples in-sens
itive comments and questions about birth control.

You may not get PND and when things settle down you will have a lovely big envious family with many happy days.

Give yourself time i hope things work out for you.

PrettyHannukahndles Fri 17-Dec-04 15:52:22

(((hugs))) to you SC, you must be in shock. I guess your dh is shocked too. I hope he comes around soon.

Please don't get panicked about the PND - it doesn't necessarily come back. I had PND after ds and was just coming out of it when I got pg with dd. I didn't get PND after dd, though I did feel very low at times. I'm sure that the PND didn't recur because I had got lots of support structures ready for myself in advance - the HV kept in close contact with me throughout the pregnancy and after, the GP got me counselling at the surgery and the psychotherapy that I had been refered for after ds finally came through as well,so I had them on-side for me, and I got my GP to refer me to the peri-natal team as soon as possible, so the CPN began visiting me before dd was born, rather than waiting for a problem to start before visiting me. It all helped. It took me about a year to realise that I had escaped PND this time - had just been knackered!

I think you need to talk to your HV or GP, whichever you get on best with, as soon as poss. You'll need plenty of support in your situation whatever happpens.

Spacecadetiscomingtotown Fri 17-Dec-04 17:17:59

thats what worries me! people making comments, when i had dd2 in july evryone kept saying, gosh 4 kids! have you worked out how it happened yet!

lockets Fri 17-Dec-04 17:26:13

Message withdrawn

feastofstevenmom Fri 17-Dec-04 17:28:28

try and develop a stock answer now to shut everyone up

certain appeal to - "oh actually no, I don't know how babies are made, do you want to explain here and now"

or lie and say - oh yes, it was planned

personally i would go for a shrug, and "these things happen"

SantaFio2 Fri 17-Dec-04 17:36:33

you dont have to answer to anyone spacecadet! Someone told my mum that my dh ought to put a knot in it and we only conceived when my dd was 12 months! hardly shocking, but had lots of comments off family.

i would just say the shock will go and you will feel more at ease. There are people who post on here who have had depression during pregnancy. Rhubarb has a website for women who suffer depression during pregnancy, but alas i have no idea of its address. maybe someone like custardo will help with the address!

Wishing you lots of luck xx

MarsselectionboxLady Fri 17-Dec-04 17:37:33

sc we have 5. Only meant to have 4 but number 4 was twins. You're not silly, you're a fantastic mother who will continue to be a fantastic mother. My stock in trade answer to the idiots who continually bang on about contraception and whether or not we have a tv is simple. I tell them that we need to 5 kids to provide for our pension as everyone else is raiding the pension plans. Take time, as has been said before, let the shock settle. Then look around and see how blessed you are. 5 children. What a blessing. How lovely to have all those children growing in a happy loving home.

JanH Fri 17-Dec-04 17:42:58

This is Rhubarb's site.

No advice, sc, but hugs and best wishes - I hope your DH is just reeling from the shock and will come round to the idea soon. Some of the nicest children I know have been the surprise ones! Hope it all works out for you. XXX

Spacecadetiscomingtotown Fri 17-Dec-04 17:49:46

He!he! mts would love to see peoples faces when surrounded by kids I tell them I dont know how babies are made!!!dh calmed down now, thinks he is super stud!!! but obvious worries about money and space creeping in

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