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Mental health

Bipolar or depression?

19 replies

PurpleOne · 13/01/2008 16:34

Hi all.

This may be a long post but I'll try and keep it as short as possible!

Throughout my life I've battled with drugs, booze and depression. Then the PND packed a punch both times when the DD's were born.
All of my fathers side has issues with depression, my grandmother (last time I saw her) was very delusional convinced she could see bad spirits etc.

I don't handle stress at all. I walk away, become insular, cry my eyes out and fall into very big vats of alcohol. I've been taking Citalopram for what seems like years. Have also tried Seroxat, Efexor and Lofepramine...none of them work. The black hole always seems to be there.
My parents disowned me last August, not even a phone call or an Xmas card.
Now my best mate of 21 years has had enough of me too. Said she can't cope with my selfishness anymore.

I can't seem to get in control of my spending. How is it that I have a £500 Gas bill and over £3,000 worth of credit card debts...yet I can go out and soend £50 on gym equipment? I spent £600 last year to fly out to LA to visit a good bloke friend to puruse a shagfest, when in reality, he'll never be mine. I only have a cleaning job and a small amount of benefits, yet I borrowed more money to go see him.

I am divorced also. I instigated proceedings 7 years ago because I was 'bored'. ExH was sick and tired of my mood swings. The one time he told me he nevr forogt was when I was in my blackness and was ranting at him and ended up throwing a knife across the room at him and very nearly got dd1 (who was 4 months old)

I've been to the GP many many times. The last time I saw him was last April, right at the bottom of my pit, told him I was suicidal (not the first time I tried it), mentioned to him I thought it could be bipolar. He just shrugged me off, gave me a script for more Citalopram and told me to come back in a month. Hang on doc, I thought I just told you I wanted to kill myself? I took those damn pills home, unpopped every single pill from a 28 day box and sat there with them all in my hands, just crying my eyes out.
I try not to take the Citalopram anymore, I try and make do with St Johns Wort, rescue remedy and lots of vitamins.
When I feel okay I have all these ideas for self improvement but I never follow them through. Been meaning to join the OU / college for 2 years but have never bothered. Spend shedloads of money on things that take my fancy at the time like this fandangled exercise regime I have ...no doubt they'll be gathering dust by the summer as usual.

I'm not sure what I want people to say, but it feels good just to get it all out. My doc keeps saying I'm depressed, but I know myself and feel there's more to it just just depression.

Thanks for reading x

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Fireflyfairy2 · 13/01/2008 16:41

Unipolar (depression) & bipolar(depression & manic highs) can quite often be mixed up. Bipolar sufferers can often be diagnosed as unipolar if they aren't tracked over a period of time. Has the doctor ever asked you about your family history?

When you say your gran was delusional & could see bad spirits, did she get any help? Do you know if there is a history of schizophrenia in you family? If so, I would look deeper into this as if there is a schizophrenia gene in your family there is a % chance that you can have it.

Sorry for rambling, just look beyond bipolar, it really is rare, though these days there are more people being diagnosed with it than ever before, this may be due to an increase of knowledge where bipolar is concerned or may be due to the fact that doctors (and patients also I suppose) are keen to stick labels on people.

Good Luck x