My therapist fired me

(428 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

RaineyMae Wed 23-Jun-21 18:28:50

We had an agreement that I was allowed to email (with paid for reading time).

The content of one batch of emails got emotive and she took it as criticism.

Fired me by email on the grounds that I am ‘overwhelming’.

Ghosted my apology for upsetting her and my request for a termination session.

AIBU to feel hard done by?

OP’s posts: |
vincettenoir Wed 23-Jun-21 18:33:39

I don’t know how these things usually go but yes I am surprised she didn’t offer you a termination session.

She may well have some other big things going on, I guess. People are still losing family and jobs to COVID. But it’s a shame you didn’t get your closure from her sessions.

Sirzy Wed 23-Jun-21 18:34:57

I think it’s impossible to say on so little information but if the relationship has broken down then surely it would be a waste of everyone’s time and your money?

PurpleyBlue Wed 23-Jun-21 18:35:11

How many emails were you sending? Or was it just the content they found overwhelming?

KihoBebiluPute Wed 23-Jun-21 18:35:36

It's impossible to say. Clearly the therapist-client relationship wasn't working out and that's a shame. Without knowing the details (and I don't think you should be putting the details onto a public forum) it's impossible to say whether the therapist was taking a reasonable step to protect their own wellbeing from an unreasonable client, or whether they were being unprofessional and incapable of performing the role they committed to. Clearly you need a different practitioner going forward and you need to ensure that you select someone who can cope with what is clearly going to be harder work for them than most clients they are used to. So long as you are up-front about what your needs are, and can agree boundaries with your new therapist that both of you are happy with and can stick to, then it should work out ok next time around.

PurpleyBlue Wed 23-Jun-21 18:36:12

It's hard to tell as if they took your emails as abusive I wouldn't expect any further contact from them.

LegoCaltrops Wed 23-Jun-21 18:37:09

Impossible to tell if she was unreasonable in her actions, without knowing how much you'd actually written. However your feelings are valid, whatever they are. If she found herself feeling overwhelmed by them, the volume or content of your emails, I'd expect that she should have communicated that to you. Did she say as much in her previous email to you in which she'd made the comment about you being overwhelming? That there would be no further contact? If so, there's no reason why she should have to repeat it in additional emails.

Of course it's also possible she's out of office. She could be ill.

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Eskarina1 Wed 23-Jun-21 18:37:47

That doesn't sound like a safe or professional way to handle things. I know when my mum was a therapist, she had a client she couldn't continue seeing because they became very emotionally attached. She worked through how to manage it with her supervisor (something all therapists should have), found a way of terminating gently trying to minimise the damage and provided recommendations for some other local therapists she knew well.

baldafrique Wed 23-Jun-21 18:39:15

I would like to hear the therapist's side of this one!

theprisonerofazkabitch Wed 23-Jun-21 18:41:37

It’s impossible to tell without knowing the full details. But I think it could’ve been handled more professionally

Sensateria Wed 23-Jun-21 18:42:46

I would think it takes a huge breach of the therapeutic contract, or boundaries, or concern about your behaviour/for their own safety, for a therapist to do this.

Hawkins001 Wed 23-Jun-21 18:43:14

I think more.context is needed op

RaineyMae Wed 23-Jun-21 18:43:22

It was a shitload of very dense and emotive emails - but they were there as background/debriefing rather than in expectation of response iyswim. And it was agreed.

I wanted to have the option of writing because my backstory happens to have a lot of detail and it's hard to summarise. I don't know what the 'relevant' details are - it's a long story - so I wrote it all.

I presumed she'd skim read periodically - and let me know if it wasn't working for her.

OP’s posts: |
Gettingthereslowly2020 Wed 23-Jun-21 18:43:51

"The content of one batch of emails got emotive and she took it as criticism.
Fired me by email on the grounds that I am ‘overwhelming’."

How many emails were you sending? Could the amount of emails you were sending be considered as harassment? And what do you mean by emotive? Do you mean you were being abusive or swearing?

She did the right thing letting you know that she can no longer work with you. I'd say she probably should have signposted you to another therapist who has more experience but if you were being abusive or harassing her then I can understand why she didn't do that.

BigfatJ Wed 23-Jun-21 18:45:50

I understand the need for privacy in terms of posting the details of what happened and what was said but I think you may be being deliberately evasive of the details because you think it would paint you as the unreasonable one

Souther Wed 23-Jun-21 18:46:17

I definitely think more context is needed

But YABU.

She has the right to terminate the contract and the relationship obviously wasnt working

ApolloandDaphne Wed 23-Jun-21 18:46:47

What constitutes a 'batch'?

Longestfewdaysupcoming Wed 23-Jun-21 18:47:27

It really depends how many emails and what they said exactly.

RaineyMae Wed 23-Jun-21 18:49:53

I mean - she must have read it as some shades of abusive to cut me off with no warning - but this side of the screen it was a very stressed upset person having a general meltdown.

My immediate apology said that - that I was talking about me not criticising her.

Surely it is clear that there is an ocean between the client saying that they are struggling with therapy - and it being reasonably seen as an attack on the therapist.

I'm not like suicidal or sweary or anything like that. Just overwhelmed with a massive amount of very complicated demands and struggling to keep life stuff balanced.

It's 'a lot' - but in no way could I have been seen as 'dangerous'.

OP’s posts: |
Angelica789 Wed 23-Jun-21 18:51:31

It sounds unprofessional. You shouldn’t be overwhelming her. She’s a professional therapist who should have coping mechanisms for dealing with clients. It’s fine if she feels the relationship isn’t working out and you need a different therapist but it should have been dealt with differently.

What is the therapist’s background and how did you find her?

Shitfuckcommaetc Wed 23-Jun-21 18:52:07

What did she take as criticism?

Longestfewdaysupcoming Wed 23-Jun-21 18:52:58

How many did you send and how were they worded that from her side they looked like criticism ?

ChaosMoon Wed 23-Jun-21 18:54:26

How long ago did this happen OP? It could be that she wants to talk to her supervisor before she comes back to you. Or she may feel that she needs to prioritise other clients first, if all the emails you've sent have taken a lot of her time.

Orf1abc Wed 23-Jun-21 18:54:40

Are you new to therapy, and do you know what kind of therapy it was?

Gettingthereslowly2020 Wed 23-Jun-21 18:54:57

RaineyMae

I mean - she must have read it as some shades of abusive to cut me off with no warning - but this side of the screen it was a very stressed upset person having a general meltdown.

My immediate apology said that - that I was talking about me not criticising her.

Surely it is clear that there is an ocean between the client saying that they are struggling with therapy - and it being reasonably seen as an attack on the therapist.

I'm not like suicidal or sweary or anything like that. Just overwhelmed with a massive amount of very complicated demands and struggling to keep life stuff balanced.

It's 'a lot' - but in no way could I have been seen as 'dangerous'.

Ok, it's not appropriate to send "a lot" of emails, regardless of the situation. It sounds like you took the agreement for you to send emails too far.

If you were feeling overwhelmed inbetween sessions and you needed someone to talk to, you could call Samaritans 116 123

If you were bombarding her with emails then it could be seen as harassment and she probably didn't feel comfortable signposting you to another therapist.

It might be worth speaking to your GP about wjat has happened and how overwhelmed you've been feeling to see if they can provide any support.

Good luck with it, I hope you can get to the bottom of your issues and feel better soon

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