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What helped you when you had PND?

(26 Posts)
Astrophe Wed 14-Nov-07 19:33:47

When I did, it was prayer, telling people I had it, and making some time for myself to go to the gym by putting kids in nursery 1/2 day.

Also, I wanted people to sympathise, NOT tell me it probably wasn't PND, or that I just felt down because DS didn't sleep etc.

I loved it when people took charge and said "right, I am coming to your house today with your dinner, and I will take your DD away with me for an hour", rather than making me decide if I wanted help or not!

But my friend has PND atm, and she seems really bad - doesn't even want to leave the house I wondered what helped others, as she is very different personality from me, so what helped me may not help her.

ScoobyDoo Wed 14-Nov-07 19:37:31

<quick hijack>

You have won a prize go to the prize thread Astrophe well done smile

ScoobyDoo Wed 14-Nov-07 19:40:31

I had pnd & most probably still have it but am in denail i think.

When dd was about 3 weeks i started to feel bad, it went on & on & i did not even want to leave the house.

I actually felt better being left alone for a couple of days & not being pushed into anything.

But it was also good on the odd day for a friend or family member to say right come on lets do this, to get me motivated.

LoveMyGirls Wed 14-Nov-07 19:41:53

Prozac and a change of circumstances.

Heated Wed 14-Nov-07 19:42:07

Baby sitting, so can get a proper sleep.

Little trips out in the fresh air - a walk to post a letter.

A class to take the baby to, to meet other mums.

Medication - I didn't go to my gp but wished in hindsight I had.

Returning to work!

ScoobyDoo Wed 14-Nov-07 19:42:41

I ahted to feel pressured, it stressed me out & made me feel worse.

I did get to the point where i would HAVE to go food shopping because there was no food, but i would drive to the shops park & then phone dp crying saying i could not get out the car it was truly awful, it helped having dp say to me don't worry turn around & go home i will do the shopping after work, i just could not go into the shop, so offers from partners/friends/family was a big help.

Astrophe Wed 14-Nov-07 20:29:33

Thanks guys (and for the tip off scooby - this prize is just so fantastic for us!).

This is what I mean - I wanted people to come and see me and force me out, but I see that many people (including my friend) don't. But I don't know what to do - I am very worried about her sitting at home alone being miserable all the time.

ScoobyDoo Wed 14-Nov-07 20:35:01

I think you could give her a bit of incouragement, i just did not want people at me ALL the time, i needed my space & to be alone & if anyone was going on at my all the time it drove me mad, but it was good to have people give me the kick up the arse i needed once or so a week.

fibernie Wed 14-Nov-07 20:38:14

CBT and medication helped me. Can't underestimate the contribution of fab husband either smile

hatwoman Wed 14-Nov-07 20:39:25

I was borderline. I have also had a bout of "normal" (?) depression. the thing that totally saved me was a wonderful health visitor - although a lot of what she did had little to do with her profression - and more to do with her being a lovely person.

Unlike my doctor she spotted that I was teetering and said she would come and visit once a week. we had a cup of tea and a chat. she provided me with an escape - I'm quite a private person and I could talk to her in way I couldn;t really to friends. and certainly not to mums at play group type friends. She made me feel "ok" for feeling the way I did - I was consumed with guilt about it - I had two lovely babies, a good dh, nice house and a cleaner so, I kept saying to myself, what right had I to feel the way I did. she normalised it for me - took away the guilt, sympathised. she also made me feel safe - that might sound odd, but having had depression before I was scared - and I knew I needed a third person to keep an eye on me. she came every week for about 5 or 6 weeks, iirc. and I really believe she was responsible for keeping me away from the edge of that awful black hole. not sure if this is useful - but maybe gives you some ideas

ScoobyDoo Wed 14-Nov-07 20:43:01

I must add i also had a wonderful HV she reminded me of my mother, she was about her age, very down to earth & i also opened up to her, she visited me once a week for 9 months, she was fab & it really helped me, i could cry to her, tell her my fears & talk things through with her, if it was not for my hv i probably would have been 100 times worse.

MoreSpamThanGlam Wed 14-Nov-07 20:43:12


Help from only close friends and family around the house

A good mix of healthy and comfort food

When I felt agoraphobic I mad myself at least walk to the end on the road

Opening windows

Changing bedsheets

Ackowledgement on here and from other Mums that they are not alone or going round the bend.

And my ongoing art therapy is working wonders - I would recommend to everyone who has sufferd from any form of depression.

What a nice friend you are... smile

Dixichik Wed 14-Nov-07 20:45:34

Walking with the kids (three in a buggy), I used to walk for miles with them. I had huge anxiety about going out of the house but had this constant need to "escape" or "run away" when I had PND.It was terrifying going out at first but It was the only thing that really helped, and the kids loved being outside all the time!

Astrophe Wed 14-Nov-07 20:49:51

So gentle encouragement to get out and get some fresh air?

ScoobyDoo Wed 14-Nov-07 20:51:42

Yes fresh air is good, i used to walk up the road to the post box it was about half an hour walk but it done me the world of good & dd loved it.

Astrophe Wed 14-Nov-07 20:58:46

please keep 'em coming, I really am very worried about her. She is seeing an HV now, which is a good step, but I'm not sure how helpful she is finding that. She has a very supportive DH, but one HV (not the one she is seeing now) said "well, at least you have a good DH, imagine how the poor women who don't feel" shock which I thought was a really thoughtless thing to say.

She has a slightly anxious / sometimes ill tempered personality anyway, and is relly pushing all her friends away atm - being quite rude to people. I do feel for her, but she is very hard to help ifyswim.

lizziemun Wed 14-Nov-07 21:27:12

Making sure i was up and dressed and out doing what needed to be done by 9am.

Also making a list of what chores needed to be done and breaking down into daily tasks.

hatwoman Wed 14-Nov-07 21:29:48

apostrophe - that's an awful thing for the hv to say - it would have pushed me over the edge. a hv needs to understand that anyone can get pnd - however "wonderful" their life or husband.

Thinking about your situation could you impress on her a regular "date"? I think that the comfort of routine is good for pnd. and if you make it regular she doesn;t have to think about, doesn;t need to make arrangements, doesn;t need to ask herself if she wants your company - similarly you don;t need to assess her mood that week or wonder if she wants company. see if you can find a mutually agreeable once a week slot for you to call in for a cup of tea. (maybe building it into going for a walk together). even if there are days you don;t feel all that welcome I think that sort of commitment - just of being there - will mean a lot to her

Pitchounette Wed 14-Nov-07 21:30:45

Message withdrawn

underwire Wed 14-Nov-07 21:35:55

I pushed my friends away too, became almost reclusive. Just be there for her, make contact regularly so that she knows you havent forgotten about her. I had a good friend who kept in contact with me and she was such a help. It is good to just vent and get stuff off your chest sometimes, without feeling guilty or judged. I feel for her, its a horrible place to be.

Echo those who said about fresh air. Getting out of the house is what saved my sanity. I used to walk for miles and miles.

expatinscotland Wed 14-Nov-07 21:38:13

in addition to drugs, omega 3s AND exercise.

i had to literally drag myself to do it as first, but believe me, it really, really helps. i remember that from when i had multiple surgeries on my knees and was feeling depressed.

i started with very basic stuff - a yoga for stress relief video and another called yoga for meditation and then some low impact aerobic cardio.

underwire Wed 14-Nov-07 21:38:19

Oh, I forgot, I was given vitamin B6 to take. Couldnt say whether it actually helped, but I was still taking it when things improved, so you never know.

Astrophe Wed 14-Nov-07 21:58:04

Hatwoman - I will talk to her about setting up something regular, that makes sense. I have offered to mind her dc while she goes to the gym or for a walk - she seems very reluctant to accept help, but hopefully she will in time. I will mention the fish oil and VB if I can say it appropriately.

monkeybutler Thu 15-Nov-07 10:24:02

Prozac everytime!! and exercise.

MoreSpamThanGlam Thu 15-Nov-07 19:02:59

I think that the reason you push people away is because you feel so bad about yourself that you cannot understand anyone else wanting to be near you.

Can you encourage her to come on here. a couple of MNers made a HUGE difference...and I dont think I ever said thanks blush

I also think if you can dress up something as if she will be doingf you a favour (coming to the shops - getting some exercise - going for a walk) then it takes away the awful feeling of guilt and neediness you feel.

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