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Really regret having a baby

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Notthebestday Fri 15-Jan-21 07:01:23

I am so unhappy. My baby doesn’t sleep, won’t be put down, but perversely won’t even be cuddled, and I’m completely and utterly done in and have tried absolutely everything. There is no support at all due to covid and I’m utterly miserable and so is my poor baby.

OP’s posts: |
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE Fri 15-Jan-21 07:02:20

How old is baby op? Do you have a partner?

Notthebestday Fri 15-Jan-21 07:03:17

4 and a half weeks. Yes, and he does help a lot but he can’t do everything.

OP’s posts: |
BlackKittyKat Fri 15-Jan-21 07:04:17

That sounds tough OP. Do you have support?
My DD was like this. It's exhausting.
Have you managed to bubble with anyone for support?
How old is your baby?

sabrinathemiddleagewitch Fri 15-Jan-21 07:04:35

Are you breast feeding? Can your partner take over for 24 hours and you give yourself a break

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE Fri 15-Jan-21 07:05:03

Still pretty new then! Is there a certain time baby seems less content? How does he feed?

BlackKittyKat Fri 15-Jan-21 07:05:36

Sorry cross posted there.
The early weeks are really hard.
Best advice I had was to not read any of the baby books and to do what I needed to in order to get through it.

TooManyKidsSendHelp Fri 15-Jan-21 07:05:50

I found that a really tricky age with my first. She cried so much and I could never figure out what she wanted. It made me feel so shit.

The fact that you are so sleep deprived will be making everything seem so much worse than it is.

I always just cycled through checking nappy, offering a feed, and putting down to sleep for a bit (although she rarely went down for a sleep without a long spell of crying first).

It gets so much easier than this, I promise.

Porridgeoat Fri 15-Jan-21 07:06:10

How old is baby?

Can you use a sling?

Do you think there’s a reflux issue?

Can you talk to your midwife?

It’s bloody hard work at times but will be a totally different experience when your baby is a bit older

beela Fri 15-Jan-21 07:06:18

That sounds tough op. I can honestly say that for me the first six weeks were the hardest.

Notthebestday Fri 15-Jan-21 07:06:21

No support at all. I’m not breast feeding. He’s never content, to be honest. I think the feelings of regret are mutual.

OP’s posts: |
Flamingolingo Fri 15-Jan-21 07:06:23

I had one of those, it was gruelling. I was so miserable and everyone around me seemed to have everything sorted while I didn’t. He’s still hard work but it does get easier. I’m wondering whether you might be experiencing PND (totally normal but even more expected if you have a high needs baby). Reach out to your GP perhaps. How old is baby?

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear Fri 15-Jan-21 07:06:25

I was googling adoption when my DS was 4weeks so I completely understand OP. My DS ahad colic and reflux and was just miserable. I don't have any advice I'm afraid as the only thing that helped was time but it does get better I promise. I love love love being a mum now. Xx

Notthebestday Fri 15-Jan-21 07:07:37

The midwives disappeared off the face of the earth a few weeks ago, as did the health visitor. I’ve used a sling, but I can’t walk forever although the edge of a cliff feels quite appealing just now.

OP’s posts: |
Flamingolingo Fri 15-Jan-21 07:07:46

Oh and I also genuinely think that the first 8 weeks with a new baby are pretty much hell. That was true for both of mine, the high needs baby and the absolute peach.

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE Fri 15-Jan-21 07:08:25

If you pop him in the pram and take him for a walk will he sleep?

How are his nappies?

Notthebestday Fri 15-Jan-21 07:09:15

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE

If you pop him in the pram and take him for a walk will he sleep?

How are his nappies?

Definitely not, he cries and cries. Nappies are fine - plenty of poo and wee.

OP’s posts: |
Gunpowder Fri 15-Jan-21 07:10:12

Oh god you are at the worst bit if you have a high needs baby. It’s AWFUL. I remember thinking DD1 was broken. I think you need an emergency phone appointment with your GP today. Read your thread posts. They will help. flowers Promise it gets better.

Flamingolingo Fri 15-Jan-21 07:10:29

Please call your GP today. If you genuinely think the things you’re writing then you definitely need some help. Even if you’re just being flippant they’re still pretty strong statements. None of this is your fault, having a baby is hard, and some times, for some mums it’s unfathomably difficult. Since your not breastfeeding, I think you need to give baby to your OH overnight ASAP and get some sleep. That won’t be helping you at all.

Notthebestday Fri 15-Jan-21 07:10:43

They really don’t, but thanks smile

OP’s posts: |
wheresthehope Fri 15-Jan-21 07:10:45

Have you tried changing formula or anything? Maybe won’t rest cause he’s got an upset tummy ?

weekfour Fri 15-Jan-21 07:11:23

My username didn't come from nowhere! Worst week of my life.

Get outside, with the pram. He'll sleep better after daylight and fresh air. I mean a real good walk. An hour or so. Just wrap him up.

I know you don't want to go but get wrapped up and go. You will feel better too.

It will pass even if it doesn't feel like it now.

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE Fri 15-Jan-21 07:11:26

Is he worse when lay down? After feeding maybe?

Have you tried white noise? A rocking / bouncing chair?

SomeonesRealName Fri 15-Jan-21 07:12:10

Oh OP you poor thing it must be horrible at the moment to have a tiny baby when we're all so isolated. I struggled a lot in the early months and i had quite a good support network. Honestly it does get better and the sleep deprivation will be making you feel worse. I know you probably won't want to but do try to prioritise sleep. I found things improved a lot around the 12 week mark - which must seem like a lifetime away but it will pass.

Pumpertrumper Fri 15-Jan-21 07:13:47

Oh lovie it’s shit you are not alone.
DS is 10 months now but I swear until 6 weeks I’d have returned him for store credit in a heartbeat!

I struggled so much with how it just wasn’t anything like I thought it would be, luckily I got put in touch with some other mums with the same age babies and we all just sat there awkwardly on a zoom call like... ‘wtf did we do? My god it’s w* isn’t it?’

I just remember waking up every day like ‘why is this angry screaming potato so intent on ruining my life?’

I loved him in theory and was going through the motions of caring for him but I just hated it. I spoke to GP and HV thinking I had PND...nope ‘it’s honestly totally normal. A newborn changes you life and not in a fun way. There’s a transition period and pretty much every woman feels this way’

IT GETS BETTER! I promise it does. I swear it does. It doesn’t take too long either. Around 6-8 weeks it picks up and by 12 weeks I didn’t go to bed crying at the thought of doing it all again anymore; by 6 months I was loving it.

It also starts to go really really fast once they interact more!

Tell yourself daily that YOU ARE DOING AMAZING!
Get yourself a good sling and wear your baby whilst you do normal stuff. DS used to sleep in his sling whilst I cooked or did laundry (the sling changed my life) and adjust how you do things.

There are millions of mums silently holding your hand.

Xxxxx

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