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Why don't I have friends?

(34 Posts)
Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 09:17:38

I have spent the last two weekends crying as I feel so lonely. Work has been so hectic, it would be lovely to have something to look forward to at the weekend. I have got so lonely during lockdown that I ended up confiding in a few people at work. They didn't understand how I feel.
I have a teenager but we don't get to spend a lot of time together.
I am doing CBT for loneliness as I get very low when I'm alone. But I'm a few weeks into the CBT and finding it frustrating as I don't have the answers to the questions that are am being asked. Both in sessions and for homework.

OP’s posts: |
Giantsfallover Sat 14-Nov-20 09:19:30

Is this new thing OP or have you always struggled with having friends?
I have friends, but I can go for weeks without seeing anyone....work, family life etc.
Sorry you are feeling so sad

FippertyGibbett Sat 14-Nov-20 09:20:09

Why don’t you spend a lot of time with your teenager ?
Do you go out for walks ?
Do you have ‘friends’ on Facebook ?

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 09:33:05

Giantsfallover - I have always struggled to make friends. I was painfully shy as a child.

FippertyGibbet - She is busy with University. I'm no longer with her dad, so home alone when she's spending time with him.
We went for walks every day at the start of lockdown. She soon got bored of it! I walk alone now, weather permitting.
I too scared to join Facebook. I find it hard to get chatting to people IRL, let alone strangers.

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WhoseThatGirl Sat 14-Nov-20 09:36:34

Most of the time is actually really hard work to make friends. You need to put your self out there a lot. Join groups. Volunteer.

WhoseThatGirl Sat 14-Nov-20 09:37:02

You could join a walking group?

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 09:44:46

WhoseThatGirl - I work full time and find it exhausting. I don't have the time or energy to volunteer. I did tons of volunteering when I worked part time. I didn't make any friends through volunteering.
I've joined walking groups and gingerbread group in the past. Didn't make any friends at any of the walking groups. I thought I had made friends with people in the gingerbread group but when the group stopped running, nobody was interested in staying in touch.

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ThatIsNotMyUsername Sat 14-Nov-20 09:45:41

Have you looked at local boards on here?

LadyWithLapdog Sat 14-Nov-20 09:49:32

Try the Meet-Up app for local groups on common interests. Are you keeping in touch with other family members by zoom perhaps? 💐

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 09:50:34

ThatIsNotMyUsername- no, I didn't know there was one. How do I find it?

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NeedToKnow101 Sat 14-Nov-20 09:50:38

I think a walking group is a really good idea as it's both time in nature (usually) and sociable without being pressured.

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 09:55:49

LadyWithLapdog - I did the zoom thing at the start of lockdown but everyone is either too bored or busy for it now. I even asked people in my work WhatsApp if anyone was interested in doing a video call. No one was interested. I've tried hard to reach out.
Will meet up groups be running during lockdown?

OP’s posts: |
ThatIsNotMyUsername Sat 14-Nov-20 09:55:57

Is it under More? Meet Up?

ThatIsNotMyUsername Sat 14-Nov-20 09:56:20

I guess they can be virtual these days.

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 09:58:23

Are walking groups running during lockdown? Even in normal times it's tricky to find a walking groups near me that meet up at a suitable time. I will join one if I can.

OP’s posts: |
LadyWithLapdog Sat 14-Nov-20 09:58:46

Meet-Up is an app. I suspect a lot of them have moved virtually now, unless it’s an outdoors activity.

LadyWithLapdog Sat 14-Nov-20 09:59:40

www.meetup.com/lp/how-to-group-start?utm_medium=SEM&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=adwords_orgacq_group_uk_branded_select_branded_lp_grp_v2&utm_term=group&utm_content=lp_grp_v2&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnb79BRDgARIsAOVbhRpcy0DAeMvX3JvpQLiNMIJpiRSwX9MfWa4lqrT07a0IH3gI89wQJeUaAjE8EALw_wcB

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 10:02:32

ThatsNotMyName - just had a look. It's not under More, Meetup. Maybe it's been removed because of lockdown?

OP’s posts: |
ThatIsNotMyUsername Sat 14-Nov-20 10:04:27

Grrrr I saw it today! I’ve lost it!

ThatIsNotMyUsername Sat 14-Nov-20 10:05:51

Travel > local talk?

thisisnotus Sat 14-Nov-20 10:06:51

I feel for you thanks

Use lockdown time for self-care, keep working on the CBT. Keep going out for walks (it can even be enjoyable and uplifting in the rain, it's what I'm doing today).

I would give a walking group another try. Some of them might still be running but if not, join after lockdown. Look up Glamoraks.

Making friends takes a long time, and effort. It probably won't happen after just a few once-a-week walks so stick at it.

SparklingLime Sat 14-Nov-20 10:16:58

I really feel for you, @Lokikitty. I’m in a similar situation.
When you say you don’t have all the answers to your CBT - have you discussed that and the frustration you feel about it with your practitioner?
There’s a thread running about similar situations. You might find it reassuring to read - not that there are any easy answers, but that many people are feeling like you, especially now.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4054492-Had-enough-of-making-all-the-effort-and-am-going-to-become-a-hermit

flowers

IloveZoflora Sat 14-Nov-20 10:18:19

Join the next door app and put a request on there to meet like minded people.... you will be surprised at how many people are in the same boat. Honestly work ago I know you can't go out at the moment depending where you are with restrictions but honestly it's a great way to meet friends

Lokikitty Sat 14-Nov-20 10:24:09

SparkingLime - I will discuss it with my practitioner at the next session. My mind just goes blank when I am asked a question! I could tell that he was getting frustrated as I couldn't analyse my thoughts. I react physically to my anxiety, so exhaustion, palpitations and IBS. Don't really remember what I'm thinking when anxious.

OP’s posts: |
SparklingLime Sat 14-Nov-20 10:53:29

I go blank in therapy like that too. And have also experienced the therapist getting frustrated, but if they are good they should be able to help you through, not show their own frustration. Is it NHS?

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