I think I probably have OCD but don’t want to open a can of worms

[PolarnOPirate]

OK so I’ve noticed lately (past year or 2) my moods have been getting worse and worse before my period. I lay awake at night ruminating on ‘bad’/stupid things I did or said in the past, to the point of panic, and have been getting horrific intrusive thoughts. I’m not going to specify but really awful and distressing stuff. I vividly remember the first time this happened, I was heavily pregnant with my first child, so 5 years ago. For the few days before my period I essentially am useless and have a breakdown and feel like I worthless piece of crap. And then a few days into my period I’m back to normal for a couple of weeks and then it starts again.

Also lately I have been looking into ADHD and a lot of it rings true for me.

Over Xmas last year I had 6 (maybe 8?) weeks of online CBT therapy (NHS), for moderate GAD and mild depression. Seemed to help.

But so basically if I do have any of these things they seem mild and could be a hell of a lot worse, so is there any point trying to see anyone or pursue any diagnoses. I fully expect to be told by a GP all my problems are down to my weight, as that has been my experience in the past (UK size 16-18, last time I checked I was 16 stone, whole other thread). I’m thinking I should just lose weight and deal with it myself, but after a lifetime of weight issues I always blame everything on my weight, but maybe that’s not the cause of all my problems. I’ve been trying to lose weight for 20+ years (I’m 30), so part of me wants to look beyond that because the weight just never comes off so I’d like to be told there is another reason for my problems tbh, because then I could fix that whereas if the weight is the issue that just is impossible for me to fix. But of course I don’t want extra problems, and I feel like maybe I’m looking for problems? But also OCD or ADHD could be the cause of a lot of my problems (unproductive, self sabotage, food issues, lots of anxiety).

Blah, I don’t know. Maybe I should do the online CBT again. I don’t know what a diagnosis would help with at this age (thinking more about the ADHD when I say that).

I currently have no official ‘problems’ other than the GAD so I kind of don’t want to see anyone because that will either 1) get me a diagnosis and give me an official problem or 2) I’ll be told it’s all to do with my weight or 3) it’s nothing and just normal life to have these horrendous moods and thoughts and it’s part of being a woman (hormones).

Sorry massive ramble. I dunno.

[PolarnOPirate]

Bumping for the evening crowd. I tried to speak to 2 friends and my mum about this today and they all said ‘that’s life with young kids’, and normal, and everyone suffers with Seasonal Affective Disorder. My youngest is 3, it’s not like I’m in the newborn trenches. Probably just need to get over it I guess! Pandemic is probably not the best time to assess mental health anyway.

[PolarnOPirate]

Just bumping because I have tried reaching out on a couple of other forums but don’t get any responses. I don’t know. Maybe I should just see the GP but I don’t want to be dismissed. I don’t know. I want to be normal but I don’t want to be told THIS is normal. Surely such horrific thoughts aren’t normal. Ugh.

[JuiceyBetty]

Reading your post made me think of PMDD. Google it and see if it fits.

[PolarnOPirate]

Thank you for replying. I have had a look and it’s a good call. I guess you don’t need all the symptoms of something to have it. I always worry about when to bother the doc but I think I should really. Thanks again!

[Whatsthatspookynoise]

I have the same thing. Before my period I am a wreck. Like a different person. Close to breaking down and as soon as my period comes, I'm back to normal. These symptoms do match PMDD, but no doctor I've spoken to about this has mentioned that.

I had a psychiatrist during my second pregnancy that said my MH issues could be due to hormones. I was like it through both pregnancies, before periods and when I took the pill. I am on anti depressants which work for my GAD, but the second that time of month hits, it's like they don't work anymore.