Everything is falling apart. I think I am on the brink of a mental breakdown and it scares me so much.
I have my end it all plan. I won’t do it, I really won’t because it would be selfish and I know I am loved at home. It just feels comforting that I have a plan in case I need it.
I’ve taken meds for years, talk to my gp, on a waiting list for therapy and asked for occ health at work.
No one knows how I really feel. On the outside I have everything and appear to be doing well although it’s crumbling and I can feel it coming. Work are on to me and I’ve had to admit a tiny, tiny bit of vulnerability.
I can’t be too honest, no way am I going back to a secure unit, that would be the final push too far, I wouldn’t be able to come back.
I’m so exhausted even just writing this down, I don’t know why I’m even do this - maybe in the hope that someone understands how exhausting fighting it all every day and night and has made it through without losing everything, I have a lot to lose.
I don’t want to appear rude, I’m going to switch off once posted and look back in the morning only purely because that voice you hear in your head is saying “no one will reply, why would they” I can also hear my phoning ringing in my mind and it annoys me because it’s not even switched on it’s just tormenting me and it wins every time.
Please don’t ask me to call the Samaritans I’m far too past that stage, ha I’m even posting on an anonymous forum in the hope of dulling the noises (I won’t say voices) I’m functioning to a minimum because I can’t do anything else until it gets to much and I can feel it coming just like it did before but I now have so much more to lose
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Mental health
I am not ok
72 replies
GazingAndGrazing · 30/09/2020 22:29
OP posts:
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