When confidence is so low that you stop trying anything

[SingToTheSky]

How do you work on it? I have no energy left to do the fake it till you make it thing.

I’ve never been a very confident person anyway but it’s getting ridiculous. So many things I want and/or need to do, and I’m like a rabbit in headlights convinced I’ll fail even at the fun stuff.

I’ve done SO much work on my mental health especially over the last year - autism-friendly therapy, a couple of courses, journaling, got my ADHD medicated, exercising, even losing a bit of weight. But now most of the time I’m paralysed by “I can’t do it” complete with several reasons why.

I think it is partly lockdown related - the irony is I even wrote a blog post about that very subject and haven’t been confident enough to post it.

Can anyone relate? Anyone been through this and got their self esteem back up from the floor?!

[Throckmorton]

Hiya. I have something similar where the more I don't do things, the more upset I get with myself and less confidence I have and the less I do things. The only thing I've found that works is just doing one thing, and somehow the rest don't seem so bad. That first thing is bloody challenging, but it does kinda free things up. Are there some small things you could start yourself off gradually with? I mean like really tiny - fold a jumper and put it away, wash a mug up, have a cup of tea - that sort of thing.

And in case you're like me in other ways too - it doesn't matter if you fail. God knows I'm still trying to realise that emotionally as well as logically, but honestly it's true. You can (eg) enjoy drawing and keep doing it for fun, even if you are totally crap at it. The older I get, the more I start to realise that you don't have to be perfect at something to get benefit from doing it, and in fact no one is perfect anyway, so why not just go for it.

[SingToTheSky]

Thanks throck you’re so right about the vicious circle of getting less confident.

Today I’ve thrown myself into proper planning for the next term (DS is home educated) and although that’s not for myself exactly, it does at least help me feel a bit more like myself and it is one thing that’s going well lately so maybe getting back to term time will help a bit.

I might start with the blog post for me though, as it doesn’t require much beyond a quick edit and then the scary bit of actually posting it (not that it has many readers anyway, as surprise surprise I’ve not promoted it anywhere! 😅)

I’m supposed to be contacted by a work advisor soon, which I think may be making me more anxious about everything, as it’s a big step to even be thinking about that (lost my job to illness a few years ago).

[Throckmorton]

Hey, sounds like you are well on the way - good on you!

The work advisor thing sounds like a good thing, and also like the kind of thing that could well spark some extra anxiety in the run-up. Be extra kind to yourself due to this!

[SingToTheSky]

Forgot to reply this time - thanks again @Throckmorton 💐

I have had a couple of sessions with the work advisor now. She I absolutely lovely! It’s definitely triggered a lot of anxiety about other stuff, I keep crying on DH but I’m trying to gradually do things that scare me a bit - played the piano a bit, finally wrote the damn blog post etc.

I’ve booked a therapy appt to discuss the confidence issue.