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I almost walked out

(7 Posts)
CantCopeWontCope Fri 05-Oct-07 20:46:17

I am a woman on the edge. I am tired of being there for everyone else, but when I need a little support, no one wants to be around for me. I am lonely, very tearful and sick of being taken for granted. For instance, people only want me around when they want something, then tonight I am in desperate need of someone just to sit with and no one in my house wants to be around. I am not a horrible person. I am 20, just posting under my aunties name if that's ok. People actually go out of the room when I am in there and I am so very lonely, got no one to talk to. I have no friends anymore. I'm grieving like mad still for one who died at the start of the year. It was an unexpected death. She was my only friend really and it shocked me like hell, and I do miss her so much. I was just going to fetch the bin up the lane tonight and the night was so calm, so welcoming, more welcoming than my parents or anything about home that I could've walked and walked and never came back. I suppose I have unresolved issues but i'm so fed up, just needed to vent before I went mad!

Charlene1 Fri 05-Oct-07 21:24:33

hi, sorry you're having a horrible time - don't know what to say to help - just wanted to say you're not alone on here. someone will come and say something better to help I'm sure. Couldn't read and run.
Please use MN for support - in some ways it's better as you can say things you would never admit in RL.

Monkeytrousers Fri 05-Oct-07 21:34:03

You are so young adn I once felt like you. Go to the doctors, maybe take some anti-depressents for a while to help you over the worst - they will help you cope and see what it really happening so you can change things, your friends, some bad habits, both maybe.

It is part of depression that makes you want to blame everyone else for not being there for you, but the hard truth is that depressed people are not easy to be around and are often not very likable as they are so needy and resentful. I don't want to make you feel worse; there are people on here who can offer you kind words too, I just wanted to offer a more proactive perspective.

You can and will feel better; there is so much help out there now, medical help to help you help yourself - which I know isn;t what you want now, but bear it in mind when you feel a bit better and make an appointment at the doctors, do a PhQ test and be honest.

elescarybells Fri 05-Oct-07 21:44:00

was anyone there for you when your friend died? i think you really need to talk to someone about how much you miss her.

have you told anyone at home how you are feeling? i know sometimes its hard when you feel that nobody cares but you might be surprised to find that they just didn't know. people get so wrapped up in their own problems of day to day life that they forget or just don't see others in pain.

you are so young and its awful that you feel so alone. pleade go and see your GP to refer you to a counselor [sp?]

i hope things get easier for you very soon. please let me know how you get on. i wish you all the best xx

Happynow Fri 05-Oct-07 21:49:39

So sorry for you darling. It's a horrible place to be. You can make it better ... it is a lovely evening eh? Know what you mean ...

CantCopeWontCope Fri 05-Oct-07 22:01:51

Thanks all so much for your kind and thoughtful answers. It's just so nice to have a bit of support. People don't understand how depressed I am, especially my mum, like tonight I cried my eyes out and she really had a go at me and another member of the family is depressed and she's taking him away on vacation and it's like everyone seems to forget about me and my feelings or even pretend they don't exist. Most of the time I don't get sympathy from anyone, but my mum is the worst because she really goes off on one if i'm crying. I'm sure she thinks I'm putting it on or something but I really just need some help from her.

Monkeytrousers Sat 06-Oct-07 09:02:40

You know, sometimes people whe are depressed themselves behave horribly to others with depression, because it reminds them of themselves; the worst of themselves and depression is bound up with a lot of self loathing and shame. Maybe this is why your mum reacts like this?

Whatever, you are 20 years old now and you have to take control over your own life and not wait for others to help you out. The depression makes you feel helpless which is why you need to go to the doctors and take their advice and take whatever advice they give you. *Do it*. You are still young but you must break the cycle of self pity and dependence before your youth and life escapes you.

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