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Help, obsessive thoughts(2 Posts)
I have a 5 month old baby and overall thought things were going ok. There was a an incident/argument with my father that brought up a lot of things about my own childhood and since then (about a week ago) I haven't been able to get out of my own head. The weird thing is I am not even thinking about the major issues that were brought up in the argument, I'm having recurring thoughts about a variety of things from my past, normally quite small things in the whole scheme of things but things I regret e.g times I embarrassed my self, or fell out with someone etc. For example I once used a flatmate''s laptop without asking which lead to her being furious with me and we didn't live together for much longer after that (relations deteriorated over a few things). The other night the same thought kept going around and around in my head about how I shouldn't have taken the laptop and what a terrible person I am, I do weird things and no wonder people don't like me etc It kept me a wake all night. Logically I know it wasn't a good thing to do but was a long time ago and lots of people have issues with flatmates so not worth worrying about years later...but for some reason my brain decided to berate me for it for a solid day. Normally I get just one thought/memory like that over and over. Then it moves on to something else from the past to think about. The theme of the memories I guess is me feeling like I haven't dealt with inter personal relationships well/can do strange things at times that I know aren't the right thing to do. These thoughts lead on to me thinking that my son is destined to be the same way. I look at this cute little baby and feel sorry for him having me as a mother.
As well as the bad memories I'm just feeling general sadness for the loss of the times in my life that were good. I've started thinking over and over again about the town I lived in before moving to my husband which was the time in my life where I had the most friends and went out a lot. I live in my husband's home town now and have never made as close girlfriends here as what I had before. But over all I have been happy here and in my relationship so I didn't think much about the place I lived before so maybe it's just being at home so much more...
I've always felt a insecure around relationships and friendships I think due to childhood issues and bullying. I've had some really great friendships but maybe doesn't come easily to me sometimes. I'm quite reserved.
The thoughts distract me to the point I'm not focusing and haven't really been doing anything around the house other than basic care of my baby.
I'm seeing a therapist next week but I just thought I'd put this out there as I don't really feel I have that many people to talk to..the recurring thoughts thing is making me feel really nuts as I can't really explain to anyone why I care about this stuff from years ago.
It sounds like you're suffering from anxiety to me. Obsessive thoughts are a very common symptom. Please talk to your therapist about everything you've written here, because unless you're open about what you're dealing with, they can't help you effectively.
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