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My husband just left me out of the blue

(8 Posts)
Camassia Fri 28-Aug-20 13:57:17

I remember when it happened to me the thing that kept me going was talking to friends, family, anyone who would listen. It felt like a weight was offloaded each time. It didn't alter the situation of course but it really helped me deal with it.

You will be ok in time. It may not seem like it now but you will. In my case I went on to a happier marriage and a better life. Most importantly my children were alright and coped with it well - with much love and reassurance from both mum and dad.


Jekyllandhydesmother Fri 28-Aug-20 12:26:01

Thank you flowers

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AuntyPasta Thu 27-Aug-20 19:00:36

I’m really sorry this happened to you. I know you’re probably still in shock and the emotional fallout will take a long time to deal with. If you can, try to focus on the practical stuff. Do you have food in the house? Make sure you have sufficient funds in your accounts to cover the bills. Make sure the mortgage/rent is still being paid. Don’t use any solo savings to do this if you can avoid it.

Start collecting paperwork/screen shots of any bank accounts (his or joint), proof of income, any savings or pension funds, full bank statements that show spending patterns etc. Make sure you know where your marriage certificate is. If there are assets like a family home (with or without a mortgage) and savings and you have the money to do so, make an initial appointment with a solicitor that deals with family law to find out where you’d stand if you did divorce. The starting point is a 50:50 split of assets but you may well be due more.

I know that, when it happened to me, it felt like hard work just remembering to breathe in and out. I only got through the first few days by going on autopilot and focusing on the practicalities- as I’d seen people advise on here. Try to remember to eat, drink water and let out the grief when you can.

Jekyllandhydesmother Thu 27-Aug-20 18:37:28

Thank you. I am really in shock. Everyone is.
None of our friends understand

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Bbnncc Thu 27-Aug-20 17:47:17

flowers op
I have just gone through a divorce and it is horrible. The shock will pass, you will get passed the hurt and pain, it may take a while but you will get there.
I'm a single parent now too, you will get into your own routine and have such an amazing bond with you ds.
I remember feeling as you are now and it's horrible but I promise you, it gets better and you'll be ok
Take care of yourself flowers

Jekyllandhydesmother Thu 27-Aug-20 17:39:46

Thank you for the reply. I didn't get notified of it.
It's so raw.
I'm numb but lost my appetite so that's a bonus

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PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Thu 27-Aug-20 00:50:00

Don't do anything!
Are your dc in bed asleep? Safe and warm? Let them sleep.
You're in shock love. This is a blow from nowhere, so just sit a while. Wait for your Dad to come and hug you. Have a cuppa, and just be.
You will be ok, even if it seems like the end of the world just now. Just take a few hours to let yourself be shocked and hurt before you have to start thinking.
In the morning, get mad! Then make plans and think about what you want.
Go over scenarios in your head and start to decide what you will do in each one.
We're here.

Jekyllandhydesmother Thu 27-Aug-20 00:42:36

I can't right now. I don't understand. He's gone. He said he's leaving he's not in love with me but he loves me.
He's been streaming a lot recently and it was concerning but it turns out that he has "developed feelings" for someone else he met through the streamin- a fellow streamer. When he was going to 'visit his mum' because he was 'worried about her' he decided to see 'the streamer' he promised they just talked. He's now going to stay with 'friends' literally a couple who he met through streaming.
It felt like it had taken over his life but this is something else. Its entirely out of the blue.
He says its not my fault.
I can't be a single parent. I am not prepared to do that to my son or me. I'm not cut out for it.
I don't even know what he expects to do. This is literally my worst nightmare. We just spent a weekend away for our weddong anniversary and nothing was wrong. He acted the same, still hit on me like normal.
He's kissed and hugged me like normal today but he just seemed sad.
He says all our friends are my friends not his. I don't think that's true.
My dad is coming. But right now I don't know what to do.

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