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Being a good enough mother

(5 Posts)
Goodmum1234 Tue 25-Aug-20 20:07:49

A long story short. Have had mental
Health issues for years but have never taken medication but have had suicidal thoughts in the past but never acted. I keep things to myself and to the outside world my life looks great. No one knows my stress, anxiety, and why I am very overweight, why I smoke when things get too much. I sometimes cry myself to sleep wishing not to wake up. It’s dreadful
I have two beautiful children. I try to be a good mother. I’m kind, feed them well, provide Toys, games and books, support with clubs and homework. I was a teacher years ago. BUT I am guilty of not doing much else. I never really take them out, I dont really play with them, I’ve never been on a bike ride with them (too embarrassed), I hardly ever bake, we never go to the pub or our fir meals, we have t been on holiday for two years but they have been away with my parents as we were working.
I feel guilty. I know I shouldnt but all I see on Facebook are happy super families enjoying life everyday. ‘Living their best life’. I struggle to get out of bed sone days but always have for my children. I feel
So bad that my children were born into this miserable life but is that my mind playing tricks on me. My husband has mobility issues so walks are off the cards too. Any one else like this? Is it good enough that the children have lots of time at home but in a nice environment or should I be doing more? Mental health issues are a bastard :-(

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Goodmum1234 Wed 26-Aug-20 16:46:24

Anyone?

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Vallmo47 Wed 26-Aug-20 16:54:54

I’m very sorry you’re feeling like this. In my experience, those people who worry about not being a good enough parent, are. Because we care, whether we are having a good time or bad, we try our best because we care.

I suffered a psychosis four years ago and have been very wobbly since. I’ve apologised to my kids time and time again for what I put them through. They’ve completely accepted what was is in the past and have accepted me for who I am now. Kids are very good at that in my experience. If you are honest with them and just admit some days you don’t feel too good I’m sure they’d appreciate the honesty and they will equate it to how they feel when they’re poorly. Just try even harder on your good days. smile

Take baby steps to do a bit more, if you can. A walk around the neighbourhood, half an hour to a park. A board game here and there. You’ve got this. Don’t compare to other people though, that’s the worst as the grass will always appear greener.

Sorry if this is not much help. I know mental health is hugely important to your health. You can get through this, just one hour at a time. Be kind to yourself. ❤️

Goodmum1234 Fri 28-Aug-20 12:12:33

Thank you Vallmo47. Yes I need to be more honest. Today isn’t great with the weather when all they want to do is play on iPads. I feel so guilty but it’s not like they’re on them all the time. They seem happy and my eldest said she wanted to chill before school next week x

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siddons1 Fri 04-Sep-20 17:04:16

Sorry to butt in late here - you sound like a really good mum who is doing all she can do for her kids comfortably. It’s really hard to go out and do things that make you feel embarrassed (I know what you mean; I’ve struggled with my weight constantly and I’m so aware of other people seeing me do certain things), but it sounds like your kids go to clubs and have lots of stimulating things going on in their lives. Don’t be so hard on yourself - but equally, if there are things you want to do with them, then start small and work up to it.

I’d also say that social media can be super upsetting and also super dishonest. People might post about having great lives, but often that’s only half of the truth. And they’re spending time on FB rather than always being with their kids, too, so try not to let the narratives people put up online about their own lives make you feel bad about your own. Mental health sucks; be nice to yourself and try not to compare yourself negatively to others! 🙂

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