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Deciding to have another baby after PND

(11 Posts)
Anewmum2018 Sat 22-Aug-20 20:24:53

Could anyone share their experiences?
Awful Pnd first time round, 2 years ago, and really didn’t bond with my son for a year.
He’s the light of my life now, and although I’ve always wanted 2 or 3 kids, it seems like a terrifying prospect. I don’t want to do anything to change or upset our bond, and am really worried that if I had another child I would either have PND again and our bond could suffer, or I wouldn’t have PND and feel so terrible guilty that I had a good experience with my second and not him!

I don’t think I’m mentally well enough to do it again just yet, but time isn’t hugely on my side, and I don’t want to miss the boat.

I wondered if anyone else had had these types of worries after PND, and how you got on with a second pregnancy and birth?

OP’s posts: |
Bubbletrouble43 Sat 22-Aug-20 20:28:09

Didn't want to read and run, and my experience is different as only had PND after final pregnancy but my friend was so worried about PND after suffering badly after dc2 that with dc3 she was given antidepressants to take immediately after delivering as a precaution . Is this something you can consider?

Fortheloveofscience Sat 22-Aug-20 20:32:23

No answer yet but following. I'm still under the perinatal team and a long way from well. Theoretically I definitely want more (this was my first) but the idea of doing it again terrifies me. And like you I don't have indefinite amounts of time. DH is already talking about another, at the moment I'm blaming the pandemic for not trying but that'll only wash as a reason for so long...

Anewmum2018 Sat 22-Aug-20 20:39:33

Thanks for your reply- I’m still taking sertraline, and pretty much expect to for the foreseeable so hopefully that would help. I think it’s mainly the fear of rocking the boat when it’s taken so long to get my mental health back, and also my bond with my son. (Sorry lots of boats analogies today).
There’s every chance that I could worry myself out of having another kid, and actually it could be fine. I guess PND leaves some deep scars...

OP’s posts: |
Ihaveoflate Sat 22-Aug-20 20:54:01

If you were under the perinatal team for your first, they should support you through a second pregnancy with specialist midwives (unless they operate differently in different areas).

Personally I can never go through that again, to the extent that DH had the snip a few months after she was born. But if you do want another, be proactive and access all the support you can antenatally. It's not inevitable but you are at greater risk. That said, you survived the first time round and you would again even if you did develop PND.

Good luck - you're a stronger woman than me for even considering it flowers

Itsalwayssunnyupnorth Sat 22-Aug-20 21:10:58

Positive story so far here! Terrible
PND/PTSD with my first following a horrendous birth which left us both very unwell and my gran who I was really close to passing away a couple of hours after. I had therapy, medication and thought I couldn’t do it again. Fast forward 4 years and just had number 2. Decided that I really did want another child and worked with GP/consultant and MW to discuss things every step of the way. So far all is well (baby is approaching one month old) I have had loads of support and feel well. I personally weaned off antidepressants at the start of pregnancy and so far haven’t felt the need to restart although this is an option if needed. I had an elective section as this gave most control for me over birth etc and the advantage of tour second baby is you are more relaxed as you know a it more about what you are doing! My DP has also been awesome doing night shift so I’m better rested, taking control of the house and taking DC1 out for one on one time so I can rest with DC2. If someone has told me a couple of years ago we would be here I wouldn’t of believed it possible. I know it’s still early days but so far we are ok!

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Sat 22-Aug-20 21:16:10

I had very bad PND with DC1, including a thankfully brief psychotic episode. DC2 wasn't so bad but she is now 7 and I'll be on a low-dose antidepressant for the foreseeable future. I will never put myself and my family through that again but it was much more manageable with DC2 and I'm very glad I have her. I suggest having a discussion with your perinatal care team (if available) or health visitor and GP about the support that would be available during and after a second pregnancy, including any changes to your medication.

notheragain4 Sat 22-Aug-20 21:23:23

Not much help, i knew I wanted a second and just tried to go in with my eyes open. I did get PND second time around, but I was able to get a grip of it much easier than with my first as I knew it was a phase, things would get better etc. For me I went back to work full time after both, it saved me first time so it helped me second time around to know maternity leave was temporary. It didn't last as long as with my first and I was able to bond much better with my second as a baby, and he was actually a much trickier baby that hardly slept!

It's very personal though of course but that was my experience. I don't wish to go back to it for a third time though!

Dinosauratemydaffodils Sat 22-Aug-20 21:25:20

Dc1, horrendous birth, postpartum psychosis, severe pnd and I was diagnosed with ptsd from prior events.
Dc2, amazing birth despite also being an emcs and no mental health issues.

Anewmum2018 Sun 23-Aug-20 09:28:29

Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I’m at the stage where a lot of peers who had babies at the same time as me are onto their second, and it makes me think ‘why aren’t I the same’ but obviously, they didn’t have the hell of PND and all that entails. I think I’ll park the idea for a little while yet, but it’s good to hear of positive stories second time round and really pleased it worked out for you.
The only other thought I had was adoption, but would past mental health issues rule me out?

OP’s posts: |
Ihaveoflate Sun 23-Aug-20 12:48:55

My sister has two adopted sons and it is VERY hard work. It is not in any way an easier option as most children in the care system have been severely neglected at best and many have attachment disorder. I would think very carefully about adoption, even more so than having another baby.

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