Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Me again..(4 Posts)
I wrote here a week or so ago about my partner suffering with his mental health.
He left a job doing what he 'knew' to try something new. He couldn't cope with the fast paced nature and complications of the new job and after 6.5 working days there he and his employer decided it best he pack it in.
I am almost 6 months pregnant with our son and have been on furlogh since April 1st. Whilst I still technically have a job and am earning, I could be made redundant at any minute. I've only been in my role since this time last year. Other than this, if I am not made redundant I will be on statutory maternity pay from around mid November/early December for a good while and I am struggling myself with how I am supposed to support us both and with a newborn in tow. Not to mention he also has a 4 yo daughter from a previous relationship whose mother will make our lives a living hell if he can't pay maintenance.
Whilst he certainly doesn't expect me to support us both, I feel like he 'knows' that I will. I am not saying he has meant to put this pressure on me but I am also not sure he quite understands just how much pressure this is.
As I earn a semi decent wage, I am mortgage free and we live together, he's barely entitled to any sort of benefits. I applied for job seekers allowance on his behalf tonight, which I am annoyed that he doesn't even have the sense to do himself! And for which I don't even know if he'll receive anything from them.
It is heartbreaking to see him so downtrodden by it all and today 'his first unemployed day' has been very productive having almost finished decorating the baby's bedroom, I can't help but be upset by it all.
I love him dearly and will do all that I can to help but I refuse to pay his half of the bills and for all of our food shopping etc. Not to mention food and clothing for his 4 yo child. I'm concerned all this stress is not good for the baby but I can't shift it.
Please tell me I'm not a bad person
Could he approach his old employer?
@LouiseTrees I have suggested this, even written out a rough email to get in touch with his old employer and he is too proud. I have calmly pointed out that now is not the time to be proud!
*@LouiseTrees* I have suggested this, even written out a rough email to get in touch with his old employer and he is too proud. I have calmly pointed out that now is not the time to be proud!
Well I did it. In my case because I was bored of the new job. Much happier now being back. I think you need to flat out tell him you do not want to be supporting him, although recognise you might need to temporarily, but you will be supportive in his job search. You need to tell him he needs to make every effort, even if he has to take on a supermarket job on a temporary basis. He doesn’t have to admit defeat to his old employer, could literally phone an old manager say “ I had grass is greener syndrome and now I know it’s not greener out there and that “challenging prospects” is just business jargon for some.”
Please login first.