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Where do I go from here?(10 Posts)
What do you do when nothing has worked out in your life, despite trying over and over again.
When you wind up middle aged, unemployed, friendless, without family and completely alone?
When you can't go to groups because they're all cancelled because of covid? When even if the groups restarted you have forgotten how to talk to people?
When you cannot see anything else to do make things better?
When you're just too old?
When absolutely no one asked if you were okay this year?
When you don't feel anymore?
Are you having counselling or on the waiting list? That could be one thing that you could start with.
Is there just one person that you could talk to or meet up with for a walk or coffee?
I have been very lonely throughout lockdown. I have reconnected with old friends and tried to get closer to my family.
I find focusing on one or two things is less daunting. Today I am concentrating on making my home look nicer since I am spending more time in it.
On days when I can't meet up with anyone, I pick a place locally that I can go to. This is normally a park or garden centre and I am making the most of the eat out to help out scheme.
I don't mean this to sound trite, but have you considered getting a dog? They get you out of the house a few times a day. You chat to people and they give unconditional love. If you need help looking after your dog once you start work again, I find the app NextDoor very good for finding local volunteers.
Some groups have started up again. I see cyclists are out together and outdoor painting is being advertised in my area.
Keep going and things will slowly improve as we get used to living with Covid.
What is the situation with work? I imagine you need to find something in order to feel happier about other parts of your life. If you can say what sector you are in and what you think are your barriers to getting a new job, perhaps a few wise MNers can give advice.
As per the poster above, I'm also getting out for a coffee and sandwich in outdoor cafés to take advantage of the half price scheme. It's an excuse to do something different and people watch.
I know volunteering is always suggested on MN, but is there something you'd genuinely enjoy helping with? Just to get out and be with new people.
I do have a dog. It doesn't make people talk to you. They just swerve around because of covid. I talk to my neighbours about once per year, tops, and its instigated by me. The local clubs where live are mostly not running. People are paranoid about covid despite anyone hardly having it here so the art classes I wanted to take are indefinitely postponed.
I don't have any friends to meet for coffee. We moved three times and have DC with special needs so most people don't want to be involved with our family. (It's true, believe me it isolates you, people without special needs have no idea).
I have tried volunteering in the past. Found one place the employees resented volunteers, another would ask me in for things, then when I turned up said I wasn't needed...then would ask if I would pay to go to their fancy dress fundraiser. Others just want people going door to door asking for money, or clean up parks. None actually resulted in even making acquaintances.
I have tried and tried.
I don't work. I have been a sahm for 16 years because my DC special needs required one parent available. He wasn't in school half the time and needed therapy during the day while his dad was completely unavailable (We're divorced now) I have a degree and previously worked for an executive at a high level but quit when it became apparent somethng was wrong with our toddler. But no one will hire me now. I even went in person to apply to mop floors at a care home...nothing
I don't think anyone who responded to me really gets what it is like to be completely, utterly, on your own, with no one to support you in any way. Or how your life can gradually turn into this....
I'm sorry op, that sounds really tough. Sounds like you have been an amazing mum.
I don't have answers but troughs come before peaks so hang in there.
What is the next thing you need to do to improve your life?
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this @Hawwy
I can relate to some of what you've said, especially the part about trying and trying and things not working out. God, its painful to keep trying and feeling like you're failing. The loneliness definitely doesn't help either, I think you can start feeling like you're the only person to feel this way and then you start blaming yourself. Easier said than done, but don't! It's not your fault. This year has been so confusing and strange, but I think we all have to cling on to the hope that things will get easier in time. I'm thinking of joining a book club or yoga class just to try and have a bit of 'me time' although again, with covid, its not as simple as it used to be to join new groups. Well done on posting and reaching out though, I think its got to be better than suffering in silence, so keep doing that. I hope you have brighter days ahead
Thank you the people who actually responded so kindly.
msbouf I was hoping to get a job this year but it hasn't happened. I just don't have any more energy or enthusiasm so I think I am getting worse.
Today my teen decided to have a massive meltdown and I was already feeling pretty low. The meltdown went on for hours.
Hawwy I can’t even imagine the strength it must take to keep going.
I’m answer to your questions, I don’t know how you keep going after all of that and all of that trying and knock backs. But you have!!
Lockdown has been the worst. But I do believe it’s getting better and things will start opening again. What groups did you go to before? Any word when they might open? My support groups for cancer have all stopped and moved online, at first I joined in but now I’ve lost interest, it isn’t the same. I miss the support and feeling in the same boat.
Are you on any medication? Would you consider it? Doesn’t seem like you sleep well either
@Hawwy thats hard when you are being there to support others too. I agree with others that talking to the GP can be supportive. Mine is calling me every couple of weeks at the moment. I think one of the big factors this year is loss of confidence, when the world goes to pot and your bubble shrinks, it really knocks you. I find it helps to take away all the pressure of the big plans and make smaller ones. I have been doing lots of batch cooking. Am trying to make small plans to go out more.
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