Lost identity after kids :(

[Hannah2199]

Since having our children I feel like I've completely lost my identity. I love my 3 DCs and pretty much spend every hour looking after them or doing things for them.

During lockdown I've realised that my only 'friends' were people I'd see on the school run or at baby groups, and the majority haven't been in contact.

I have low self esteem and self loathing and I really panic if I try to do anything focused on myself. For example, I went clothes shopping but felt so uncomfortable - what's the point of trying anything on it will just look awful?? Left me feeling low for a couple of days (is this normal?!) I only feel comfortable if I'm doing something for the kids, eg clothes shopping for the kids is fine.

Until recently my work was very demanding and working so hard made me ill with depression and anxiety. I feel like I've failed in my career and probably wont return to it, though I'm not qualified for anything else decent. I feel I can never measure up to OH who has been very successful and he will see through me.

At work I was pretty confident but anything where I need to think about myself fills me with dread. I just really dislike most things about myself - looks, personality, parenting style, clothes, no friends, failed career. I'm often filled with anxiety.

How do I get myself out if this rut?

[Lokikitty]

I'm really sorry that I are struggling. I completely understand how you feel about clothes shopping. I have low self esteem and don't feel good in anything. I feel uncomfortable even looking at myself.
Video calls make me feel awful.
I get my self worth from my job and doing things for my dd. Like you I struggle to focus on me. Before lockdown I spent years losing myself in my work. Now I am slowly finding myself again through counselling and art classes.

[Hannah2199]

Thank you. Can I ask what did you find helped if anything? And what did the therapy identity as the issues? I'm struggling to find a way forward. Thanks

[Lokikitty]

One of my problems is needing a purpose for everything that I do and not talking to people because I feel like I am a burden.
I have been trying to do things just for the sake of it and talk a bit more about my mental health.
I think one of my biggest issues is poor self image. Not really sure how to overcome that one.

[Hannah2199]

Think I know what you mean, hope things will improve for you.