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totally overwhelmed(7 Posts)
I just need to get this out before I sit rocking in a corner of the kitchen. Don't expect anyone to respond but stopped being a member of a depression support site a few years back and would feel a bit defeated going back there right now. Feel like depression is just around the corner again I really am at the straw that broke the camels back stage and I feel so guilty for whineing about it because I know others on this site are dealing with much worse shit than me.
The last 18 months have just been one disaster after another, lousy pregnancy, ds unwell in utero, emergency section, SCBU, scar infection. DP has been ill for at least 18 months with severe pain, no cause has yet been found despite loads of unpleasant tests and he is on Tramadol which he is quite suceptible to and keeps doing stupid forgetful things so can't be left with DS 11 months. The pain means he can't do anything other than one or two very light jobs to help out. He has now been off sick from work for nearly 6 months, we work at the same place so boss is always on my back about DP. moved house in January - I arranged the whole house sale and purchase and all the financial, legal and practical bits and bobs. House nice but has also been one disaster after another, the developers who did it up were crooks and we have had several major water leaks ruining just about ever room in the house. The storms damaged our roof and destroyed DS's room after it had just been fixed up. The kithcen and both bathrooms have had to be re-fitted. Rooves repaired or replaced etc etc etc which has eaten the capital we gained from moving. Parents look after ds 4 days a week because we can't afford full time nursery biut father takes every opportunity to make me feel guilty about it and criticise everything I do as he has alwas done. DP grumpy and unsociable and argumentative because of pain and pills. Work is a nightmare though luckily I'm not about to be made redundant which was looking likely last week. Don't know if any of this makes any sense I am so tired and fed up and I know it's not the end of the world and people deal with worse but right now I'm sad and unhappy and just needed to get this off my chest.
You have so much to deal with, i don't know why your not complaining more, I think your doing fab!!
I don't have any practical solutions, but I just think oh your so strong for dealing with all that ! Go Girl !
hear hear. it's absolutely reasonable to be feeling fed up with all that under your belt. Get support where you can, and don't feel for one moment that you are whining.
just off to bed but didnt want your post to go unanswered,
i have suffered from depression in the past and the thing that stood out in your post was that although things are bad at the moment you refered to your depression being just around the corner,
this is a good thing as you can see it before it happens, something us people who have suffered from depression and come out of the other side have to be thankful for,
i like to think that depression is 10 paces behind me at all times, i know it is there and so long as it stays 10 paces behind i know i will be ok,
there have been times in the last year (3 m/c, dad heart attack and a heart op, mate, uncle and good family friend had cancer, court case over access to dsds, work probs, money probs) like you say and i could go on,
it is/was shit and it has at times tested my self belief but even in the darker moments when the depression has crept up quicker than i felt comfortable with (at times i felt it was only 1 or 2 paces behind me) i refused to let it catch up with me,
keep depression at arms lenght, it is a horrible place to be and recovery takes so much effort that the battle is worth fighting,
thinking of you x
just popping back to see if you are feeling any better today,
you sounded really down last night
thanks jules and all who replied I do feel a bit brighter today thank you. There's a lot to be said for stopping keeping things to yourself. PS32 no I'm not on anti-ds I'm usually pretty good at knowing when I need them and I'm not quite there yet (and sincerely hope not to be).
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