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Not sure wether I'm mentally ill or if I just over-worry

(32 Posts)
Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 21:48:01

Again, I'm sorry that this is the wrong place but I genuinely don't know what else to do.

I've always had anxiety issues, never been to see a doctor about it but I'm just always so worried. Worried that I've upset someone. Worried about money. Worried about other people.

Tonight my friend ignored my messages (she is a lot older than me, I'm 18, she's 35) and although I didn't really say anything that would annoy someone this always the conclusion that I jump to and it's happened countless times with the same person. Before, she's always replied later and apologised, saying that she was busy doing something and forgot to reply (she's a mum of 4 and works full time). But this time she still hasn't.

Tonight for the first time I've myself physically sick because I'm that worried and I'm really not sure this is normal?

Just before my 18th birthday in March, my head was in such a bad place that I ended up using a suicide helpline so that I didn't top myself. When I'm on my own all I ever want to do is cry.

The morning after this I went to see my sister and told her (she has had anorexia, brought on by anxiety and depression so she knows how I feel) and she said it was time I opened up to my parents about it so took me home. I was going to get a doctors appointment after that but I would only go if my mum agreed to go with me but her and my stepdad said they didn't think I needed a doctor and that I just need the support of my family.

I haven't been suicidal since then which I suppose is good and sometimes the anxiety isn't there at all, and sometimes it is.

Now I'm scared to scared to say anything to my Mum as she said if I tried to tell her I was depressed again she'd punch me in the face (pretty sure she was exaggerating there).

I'm trying my best but tonight it's getting to the point where I feel like I'm running out of options and no-one can help me.

I can't see any of my friends as at the moment they're all working and I'm not allowed in (I don't have any friends outside of work).

Can someone help me please because I'm genuinely petrified and I don't know what to do

OP’s posts: |
EducatingArti Sun 19-Jul-20 21:55:15

If you are worried about your mental state you should see your GP. You don't need your mum to know our go with you. She is not medically qualified to decide whether you need medical help or not!

EducatingArti Sun 19-Jul-20 21:57:39

Also, you don't need to be suicidal to use Samaritans or other helplines. If your anxiety is bad enough to be really bothering you then do call/text to help you through in the short term.

SRK16 Sun 19-Jul-20 21:58:46

I have been where you are mentally and it is really awful, but I promise it can get better. You need to get some help. Get a GP appointment. Is there anyone else who could go with you if you feel you can’t tell your mum/if she’s unsupportive?
You should also be able to self refer for talking therapy/coping strategy support. Google ‘IAPT talking therapy’ with your area name & something should come up.
You could also google some books and things to start trying to understand what’s happening for you? www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Self-Help-Behavioral-Techniques/dp/0465012655?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 Maybe something like this

EducatingArti Sun 19-Jul-20 22:00:38

Your Mum is giving you very mixed messages if she is saying you only need the support of your family but then also not wanting you to talk about being depressed.
It is hard at just 18 but I would really think about making your own decisions about what is likely to help.

Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:03:39

That's what I want to do but I just know that she will find out and then she will be upset because I didn't tell her about it

OP’s posts: |
Choice4567 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:06:59

Why do you think your mum said that about punching you? It’s a very odd response

Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:07:42

SRK16

I have been where you are mentally and it is really awful, but I promise it can get better. You need to get some help. Get a GP appointment. Is there anyone else who could go with you if you feel you can’t tell your mum/if she’s unsupportive?
You should also be able to self refer for talking therapy/coping strategy support. Google ‘IAPT talking therapy’ with your area name & something should come up.
You could also google some books and things to start trying to understand what’s happening for you? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Self-Help-Behavioral-Techniques/dp/0465012655?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 Maybe something like this


There is honestly no-one. Everyone I could ask either has children to look after or I couldn't trust them not to say anything to my mum

OP’s posts: |
EducatingArti Sun 19-Jul-20 22:13:12

She doesn't need to find out and even if she did, it is ok to just let her be upset about it.It is ok just to walk away from her being upset and say " I am sorry you didn't like what I did, but I made the right decision for me' and then not engage further.
You aren't doing anything wrong. It isn't as if you are planning to rob a bank!
It is hard, I know but it is ok to make different choices to your parents.

Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:13:52

Choice4567

Why do you think your mum said that about punching you? It’s a very odd response


She said it's because I never seem like I'm willing to do anything about it. She thinks it's alcohol that brings it on. I'm not the type to drown my sorrows on my own. I only ever drink at events with family and friends and not a huge amount, certainly not on weekdays.

I haven't done anything about it because I'm so scared but just she doesn't get it

OP’s posts: |
Cuddling57 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:14:47

OP You can be the one to look after yourself. You don't need anyone's permission to go to the doctors. Put yourself first. Take yourself to the doctors. Hold your own hand and get help.
You deserve proper help thanks

Cuddling57 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:14:56

OP You can be the one to look after yourself. You don't need anyone's permission to go to the doctors. Put yourself first. Take yourself to the doctors. Hold your own hand and get help.
You deserve proper help thanks

EducatingArti Sun 19-Jul-20 22:15:00

Do you know what you are scared of?

Cuddling57 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:15:06

OP You can be the one to look after yourself. You don't need anyone's permission to go to the doctors. Put yourself first. Take yourself to the doctors. Hold your own hand and get help.
You deserve proper help thanks

Cuddling57 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:18:26

Sorry I didn't mean to post the same message three times!

EducatingArti Sun 19-Jul-20 22:19:59

Many people have anxiety issues and get help for it and their lives are much better as a result. There is no reason why it shouldn't be like this for you.
If it helps, I have counselling for anxiety and depression and I am on anti- depressants. My mum doesn't know. There's no point telling her. She would only make a fuss that would be all about her and then I'd just have to deal with her reactions as well as my own issues.
My life has become loads better, first with medication and then ev n more improved by the counselling.

Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:24:29

Scared of being judged, scared of embarrassment. Everything.

I still live at home so her finding out would be inevitable. What if I go to the doctors get the medication I need, she finds out and gets so upset with me that she kicks me out? I'd have nothing

OP’s posts: |
frazzledquaver Sun 19-Jul-20 22:25:05

GPs are very used to talking about anxiety and depression, and you might feel better if you were able to go by yourself. You could always just print out what you've written here and give it too them if you don't know how to start the conversation. The appointment will be confidential.

frazzledquaver Sun 19-Jul-20 22:26:12

Could you go to stay with your sister for a bit?

Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 22:27:55

frazzledquaver

Could you go to stay with your sister for a bit?


She doesn't have a home herself at the moment. She's currently living with her boss (she's only 17 herself).

OP’s posts: |
frazzledquaver Sun 19-Jul-20 23:07:39

You can self refer without seeing a GP (see link below). This might be helpful. I do think the best thing would be to see a GP and explain to them that you are concerned about your family finding out though. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

Kyle19 Sun 19-Jul-20 23:23:15

frazzledquaver

Could you go to stay with your sister for a bit?


Thank you. Not only that but my stepdad works in Yorkshire five days a week (we live in Devon) and my mum has just come out of hospital after having sepsis which needed major surgery on her stomach so both her and my four young siblings will need looking after when he goes back.

OP’s posts: |
Choice4567 Mon 20-Jul-20 07:06:29

Would your mum be so upset if you had medication that she’d kick you out? Just trying to gently get to the conclusion of some of the thoughts.

EducatingArti Mon 20-Jul-20 08:19:01

If you are helping your mum after her sepsis and looking after your siblings, I think it is very unlikely she would kick you out as she would lose all that help.
It is not normal for a parent to kick out a child just because they went to the doctor's and got antidepressants. If this is genuinely something she might do then this is pretty disfunctional.
That is not any kind of criticism of you in any way.

Superscientist Mon 20-Jul-20 08:35:23

If you are over 18 you can get help without your parents knowing. I did. Keep any medication in your bag and ask for only essential letters to be posted to your house.
It is more important to get help than worrying about your mother's response. If you make the gp appointment you don't have to agree to any of the treatment options but it would allow you to find out what is available and how you could fit it around living with your mum.

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