I'm not really looking for advice or anything, just a bit of empathy I suppose.
I've had really bad PND, so I know what depression is like from the inside - in fact I have been hospitalised at one point.
I've been better for about 2 years, and for the last year dh has been treated for depression too! I think a lot of it comes from having to care for me (I was also physically very ill in 2 pregnancies, one was unplanned, I was in hospital a lot, and he had to shoulder a lot of stuff as well as working ft). I don't feel guilty about this - we promised for better for worse, in sickness and in health. We have 3 dc who are 7, 5 and 3.
I'm sure that the way I am feeling about it now is how he felt when I was so unwell. I feel like I have 4 children at the moment, not 3. He is having to change medication as the prozac stopped working, and we are at the bottom of the curve right now, with the prozac having worn off but the new tablets havent started working yet. He's still working, but he is so tired that he often goes to bed about the same time as the kids. Some nights before! He's just kind of sweetly apathetic, has no drive, no enthusiasm, forgets things, cant make decisions etc .... I feel like it is all on my shoulders, all the things that need done every day. I dont realy have an adult relationship with him at the monute as we hardly get any time together. Even when we did a couple of weeks back (had a few days away while MIL had the kids) he was so tired and washed out he just slept, and couldnt hold up his end of most conversations - though he did try, poor love.
I'm SO tired. We dont have family close by, my MIL offered to come and stay for a while but that would hardly reduce my stress levels! (though I get on fine with her). I'm very very lucky to have a nanny in the afternoons, but I dont feel like I really have anyone to talk to about this in RL. People know he is unwell, but folks are so keen to come up with solutions rather than just listening to me. I also feel a bit disloyal moaning about it, i did consider changing my MN name for this, but didnt.
I dont even know if I am making any sense. I just want my lovely dh back, not the sad stranger who is living in my house right now! I would do anything to help him get well (it was me who talked him into going to the doctor inthe first place, me who got him to go for counselling etc).
Is there anyone else dealing with depression in a partner? It would be good to talk to you, if you are around.
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Mental health
Helping us both to cope with dh's depression
16 replies
harrisey · 13/09/2007 10:44
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