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Help!

(8 Posts)
PinkMonkey Wed 12-Sep-07 21:23:29

I need some help as I’ve just had my sister on the phone for over an hour and don’t know what else to say to her.

Her much loved ds is 4 months old and she’s in a happy relationship with her dh. Her ds doesn’t sleep too well, awake 4 or 5 times a night and gets up really early. He’s a happy kid in general but he can be a bit wingy sometimes.

The thing is my sisters been getting really angry with him, when he pulls her hair she squeezes his hand till he lets go. Or if he won’t stop crying when she cuddles him she puts him down quite hard, so his head bumps a bit. The other day she said she felt like dropping him when he scratched her face. I can see how much she loves him but this behaviour is unforgivable

I spoke to her about it this morning and she said she can hardly control herself, sometimes she feels like she could really hurt him. She spoke to husband about it but he thinks she’s fine and he told her he knows she would never do anything to hurt their son. But I think this is his way of denying the problem. I told her she really needs to speak to someone about it, but she said she was too scared they’d take her baby away.

In the end she made an appointment with her hv who is coming to her house tomorrow. I have just spent the last hour trying to convince her to tell the hv the truth about her violent thoughts and the way she acts towards her ds.

I’m going to call her again in the morning, but it would be good to hear from anyone who has had a similar problem and I can pass on the advice.

Thanks

magsi Wed 12-Sep-07 21:35:35

Have no advice but if I were you I would try and muscle in on the appointment. Maybe your sister would feel more comfortable telling the truth if you were sat there aswell.

HighlandFling Wed 12-Sep-07 21:43:17

I agree with magsi - could you go along. If your sister has been speaking to you about it, you are perhaps the one who can help her to get help from the right people.

Sorry I don't have any advice to offer myself. Just want to say you are obviously a great sister, she is lucky to have you. I really hope
your sister gets the help she needs and gets through this.

PinkMonkey Wed 12-Sep-07 21:45:25

Hi Magsi,

I thought about that but we live quite far apart. If i'd really got my arse into gear I could have headed over this evening and stayed the night.

Oh well, too late now.

Thanks though

magsi Wed 12-Sep-07 22:03:00

Thats a shame you can't be with her. She sounds really depressed and is obviously acting out of character and needs help. I'm sure she would not have her baby taken away just because she admits she is struggling. Highlandfling is right, you do sound like a great, supportive sister. Just make sure you get on that phone in the morning and get onto her again. This sounds like a big problem which probably won't be solved by one visit from a HV. You may have to sit with her and see the HV again as it sounds like you are her confident (sp?) who she can trust. I really hope things get sorted for your sister and her little one.

PinkMonkey Wed 12-Sep-07 22:09:52

Thanks Magsi & HF, I think I'll head over tomorrow, even if I miss the hv, at least I can go give her a hug. I hope she tells the whole truth and not just the bits she thinks are acceptable. I've bee trauling through the old posts and can't find anyone with a similar problem so far. Back to it though

Nat1H Wed 12-Sep-07 22:48:58

Give her a big hug.
She is obviously feeling out of control and depressed.
I felt exactly the same with DS1. I rememebr screaming at him to stop crying one day, and when that didn't work (like it was ever going to blush) I dropped him onto the bed. (more blush) I frequently lost my temper with him and never felt as though I bonded with him somehow. It was only when I went back to work (at 7 months) that I realised I had a problem. I still felt the same - even though I wasn't with him all day (previously I had thought it might be 'baby overload') I was diagnosed with PND and given anti-depressants, which worked, thankfully. Apparently, my FIL and partner had told DH that they thought I was looking awful and getting worse each week, but he had never thought to pursue it. angry
Go and see her and talk to her about how she is feeling generally. The HV will do a 'test' to give her a score and see if she may be at risk from PND. She needs your support right now - please don't tell her that you find her behaviour completely unacceptable - she can't help it! sad

PinkMonkey Thu 13-Sep-07 10:53:46

Nat1H, Thank you so much, I'm going to email her with your answer, I think she needs to know there are people out there who have gone through the same thing. I'm going to try and get her onto MN as well, there is so much support here.

I would never tell her I thought her behavior was unacceptable, she already know that and doesn't need me adding to the problem. The least I can do is give her a hug, let her cry on my shoulder and look after the little man while she takes a nap.

Her hv is coming at lunch time and I'm going to see her later.

Thanks again.

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