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Mental health

DH wants me to see the GP

69 replies

InsaneProbably · 01/03/2020 16:19

I know I'm probably going to sound totally unreasonable and insane - hence NC. I guess I'm after some impartial comments, because I sure as hell can't seem to think straight. I know I'm not doing great right now, but I also don't know if this is something I need to actually take seriously or not. I'm scared of wasting the GP's time (especially right now), and also don't really get what the doctor is even supposed to be able to do.

Anyway. Background: I've had various mental health issues for most of my life. Diagnoses have varied. When I was much younger I was under the CMHT and quite unwell for a little while, but for the past 15 years I've just been under the care of my GP, and while I have bad periods, I've mostly been coping okay. There's not much my GP ordinarily does, except basic meds renewals and reviews; and once had me assessed, when I was a bit more unwell, but that didn't lead into anything, and I'm very keen to avoid that happening again. I see a private therapist for ongoing support, and that's really the only thing I want to have, personally.

Everything had been going really well for me, until around New Years. No obvious triggers, and nothing bad has happened, but I've been spiralling quite a bit since then. I'm constantly distracted by intrusive thoughts and images to the point I can't focus on the simplest of things. I'm having voices (not actual hallucinations, more like intrusive thoughts that just feel like that) tell me to do dumb stuff, and find it increasingly hard to resist doing the dumb stuff. I haven't been self-harming (although have a history of that) and I'm not suicidal, though.

I'm relapsing on some eating disorder behaviours. I basically go through weekdays on 800-1000 Kcal, and maybe have a binge on the weekend, or eat a bit more in general, but I'm also purging. I've lost quite a bit of weight, but as I was overweight before, all that's done so far is put me into a healthy BMI. I'm not sure if this is something to worry about, since healthy weight is obviously better. DH, on the other hand, has been getting concerned, especially about my levels of obsessing over food, and how upset I get when I eat too much.

Most recently, and mostly against my better judgement, I've come off all my mental health medications. They all have increased appetite as a side effect, and my head has been very noisy about me needing to quit them. Right now I feel like there's absolutely no way I could make myself go back on them, even though I know it's very dumb. Everything just gets very loud and distressing when I try to combat the stuff in my head. I'm also terrified I'll go back to being overweight again.

Everything just feels like it's spiralling and swirling and confusing right now. I don't want to bother the poor GP, who probably can't do much else than tell me to get back on the meds. On the other hand, I think I'm really starting to stress out DH, who is the most patient and supportive guy ever, so I feel I should go just to put his mind at ease.

I guess partly I'm just scared. I really really don't want to get referred anywhere. I don't think I could get through another MH assessment. I also don't want to get weighed, or get told off for any of this, or really anything. I just feel like I should just somehow manage to pull myself together and stop screwing everything up, and things would get back to normal. And if I can't do that myself, no one else can miraculously do it for me, either.

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ChicCroissant · 01/03/2020 16:24

I agree with your DH OP - see the GP. Is he able to accompany you to the GP appointment (or would you prefer that he didn't?) as you might need some support. We all need support from time to time.

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Aridane · 01/03/2020 16:25

Yes, GP NOW

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Greysparkles · 01/03/2020 16:27

You definately need to see your GP. I would advise also going back on your meds, or ask GP to look at new ones if you feel they're not helping.
Hoping you feel better soon Flowers

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Wilmalovescake · 01/03/2020 16:28

You need to go to the GP love, and take your DH in with you.

I’m sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear x

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InsaneProbably · 01/03/2020 16:29

Thanks. I did ask for impartial comments. Yes, I can take DH with me to the GP. The doctor is nice enough, and I wouldn't ordinarily mind seeing her, but for some reason this time feels different.

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Herocomplex · 01/03/2020 16:31

You sound really stuck and afraid. I think you should go to the GP, it might just help you to get back on a more even keel.

Have you been working on anything with your therapist around any of these concerns? Do they know you’re off your meds?

It’s awful when you feel so wretched, but think about moving forward, even a bit, staying as you are is going to exhaust you. Take care.

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picklemewalnuts · 01/03/2020 16:32

You definitely need some more medical support. What does your therapist say? Could you increase your sessions with her?

Would going to the GP feel easier if you were to print out your original post before you go? That would help the GP realise the anxiety you have around your meds and weight.

It may be worth trying to find other sources of support- an eating disorders group, or similar.


You do need extra help at the moment.

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Bringringbring12 · 01/03/2020 16:33

GP

And if you struggle to do it for yourself, do it for your DH

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12345kbm · 01/03/2020 16:36

I'm sorry things feel overwhelming OP. Are you getting any support with your eating disorders and have you been diagnosed with anything else other than the eating disorders?

The intrusive voices/thoughts could be due to several things, so you really need to get checked out as soon as you can. I would push for a proper mental health assessment by a psychiatrist, if you haven't had one already. They can also review your medication.

There's a very good organisation called Rethink that you might find helpful to contact should you need further advice and support.

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Wilmalovescake · 01/03/2020 16:36

I think printing out your OP and taking it to the GP would be a really good idea.

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InsaneProbably · 01/03/2020 16:38

I don't actually really know what my therapist thinks of all this. I've been quite honest with her, and she knows I've been stopping the mds. To me it's seemed like she's a bit confused as to why I've suddenly started spiralling, and is just trying to figure out what's caused it, rather than say anything about anything I need to do.

I would feel like a right fraud in an eating disorder group, and the idea really doesn't appeal. I've looked at eating disorder in our area in the past, though, and there really isn't much on offer, unless you're very ill (very low BMI) and under the CMHT or can travel to a city that's not realistic for me to get to.

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InsaneProbably · 01/03/2020 16:41

have you been diagnosed with anything else other than the eating disorders?

Yes, I have "official" diagnoses of an anxiety disorder, depression, and BPD from when I was young. Unofficially my therapist thinks I have PTSD and at least traits of OCD, but nothing on paper. I've not actually seen a psychiatrist in 14 years, and even then only shortly, so who knows what one might diagnose me with these days.

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Depressedbywork · 01/03/2020 16:42

Well done posting here. I think the GP. Take DH with you. If he can’t go then take a copy of your opening post here. It’s really clear and includes the fears you have. I think you need to book it as urgent (not three weeks time) and if possible ask for a double slot so you don’t feel time pressure. Flowers

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TokyoSushi · 01/03/2020 16:44

You need to see the GP lovely Flowers

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12345kbm · 01/03/2020 16:48

I think you need to get reassessed by a psychiatrist and push for a proper diagnosis and medication review. What you're on may no longer be appropriate and you could have been misdiagnosed. It's common for mental health to fluctuate and it sounds as though something is going on there that needs further examination.

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chatterbugmegastar · 01/03/2020 16:49

Pure O , OCD , seems likely? What do you think?

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InsaneProbably · 01/03/2020 16:52

Honestly, I don't think seeing a psychiatrist is at all an option. I used to want to get a second opinion, and used to ask for medication reviews, but those were always turned down, and after the last assessment I had (some years ago now), when I was honest and candid as I could, and put everything on the table, I was still turned down by the access team. Going through the assessment and not getting anything as a consequence really pushed me into a worse state than I had been before it. Now, I wouldn't attempt it anymore. I know I can be physically forced into the same room as an assessor, but I don't think I'd be able to co-operate or speak honestly, as stupid as that sounds.

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Fluffycloudland77 · 01/03/2020 16:55

You need to see your dr, mh problems are so much harder to treat than physical illness & you might go through so many treatments till you find what works but you won’t get better on your own & it really isn’t normal to binge and purge.

I’m guessing you feel pretty awful suddenly stopping your meds so suddenly too.

Your dh must be very worried about you.

If it’s any consolation we’ve seen loads of hcp for mh problems this year & everyone’s been very kind & understanding.

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Reversiblesequinsforadults · 01/03/2020 16:57

It feels different this time because you are spiralling and everything is more scary. See the GP asap and definitely take your husband. Good luck

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12345kbm · 01/03/2020 17:00

I'm sorry you've been through the mill OP, sounds like you're really struggling. Then I would see your GP and take it from there.

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weegiemum · 01/03/2020 17:01

Yes, you need to see the GP, and soon.

Your history sounds broadly similar to mine (apart from the ED), and if I was in your situation my dh wouldn't just be taking me to the go, he'd be asking for a CMHT referral when we were there. (He is a GP though). Coming off your medication was understandable- I've done the same - but also potentially dangerous. I think you need to see someone as a matter of urgency, before things like the intrusive thoughts become darker and more worrying.

All the best, I hope you can get this sorted and under control again soon x

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InsaneProbably · 01/03/2020 17:06

I guess it's reassuring in a way that you all at least agree that I should see the GP. Makes me feel a bit less like a time-waster.

DH is working from home, and I showed him the post I wrote, and he promises to come with me. I'll go as soon as I can see my usual GP. It's more important for me to see the same person I usually do, than to get the first available appt, if that makes sense. It's not usually a very long wait at my surgery, luckily.

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ChicCroissant · 01/03/2020 19:00

Good to hear that you're going to make an appointment and take your DH with you - I hope you are both doing OK in the meantime.

Try and keep an open mind for the appointment - don't set too many limits on what referrals you'll accept. Just listen first and decide later. I say that because I have a relative who would make an appointment but with a very fixed idea of the help he needs in his head (I can see that you don't have this same mindset at the moment thankfully) and if he doesn't get it, he thinks the appointment was a failure.

It can be scary to take the first step but you are doing the right thing OP, and I wish you and your DH well. I hope you get an appointment soon.

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InsaneProbably · 02/03/2020 07:09

Thanks for your kindness. The quickest appointment I could get for the normal GP is next week's Monday, so I'll see her then.

I think I do have a bit of a fixed idea, which is just that I don't want any referrals anywhere. But I've been talked round on stuff like that before, so maybe it's not that fixed. 99% of MH professionals I've ever dealt with have been just fine - if not actively kind and positive than at least professional and neutral - so it's not so much getting seen by them that's my issue. I'm sure I had some proper reasons for why it's important not to get referred, but I've been awake most of the night (all three of my MH meds were soporific, so I'm not sleeping much since stopping) and I'm damned if I can remember any reasons right now!

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mynameiscalypso · 02/03/2020 07:15

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and glad you're seeing your GP - I can relate to a lot of what you're going through and I also, somewhat unadvisedly, came off my meds cold turkey a few weeks ago so I totally get it. Could you maybe see a private psychiatrist? I've found it's a lot easier when you're not caught up in the world of NHS assessments etc plus they have some different options for medication.

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